Sunday, April 5, 2009

This and that

Back in early February, when I finally began to become truly convinced that we would, in fact, have to use ART in order to achieve pregnancy (and even then, might not be able to do so), I had a mini-meltdown. When I stopped to contemplate "what if" I never had a child of my own, I realized that I wasn't entirely happy with my life as is. I decided that I was in a rut and needed to branch out and do some different things.

In response to my mini-meltdown, I started taking piano lessons and also decided that at least twice a month, I needed to do something out-of-the-ordinary for me. Usually MM and I spend our weekends mostly relaxing at home or going out to dinner and/or a movie. We also see his parents and go to a fair number of hockey and baseball games. I also hike and see my friends for lunch and/or shopping.

Yesterday was one of several activities I'd planned as something slightly out-of-the-norm. We went to the Tempe Music Festival. Though we didn't stay nearly as long as I thought we would and didn't necessarily like all the musical groups that performed, it was fun and an interesting thing to try once. Well over half the people attending were college-aged: 18 to 22.

So I guess it shouldn't have come as a big surprise to me when I found an advertisement for egg donors from our RE clinic among the ads in the schedule of events. It was still a bit jarring to see a photo of a baby and the name and logo of our clinic somewhere I certainly hadn't expected to see them. And I will admit that it cast a brief pall on my mood because when I ran across the ad, I actually hadn't been thinking about our infertility at all, for once.

Anyway. . . . that's life. If it weren't the clinic's ad for egg donors, it'd be something else. One of the many things about IF that sucks; reminders of our failures are everywhere.

I took my first dose of Clomid last night. (I actually almost forgot, as I was up a bit later than usual watching a movie.) I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of side effects, but so far, I feel absolutely the same as I would if I hadn't take it. I've read that some women experience no side effects at all, and I hope to be one of them. I've also read that some women who do experience side effects find that they start once they complete the five doses of Clomid. So we shall see. . . .

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