Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 retrospective

Most of this year has been consumed by our efforts to become parents, but in a good way this time.  It's hard not to be continually preoccupied when you are spending boatloads of money on treatment and then feeling physically subpar every day once it works.

I am so thankful to be ending 2011 (very) pregnant, despite the physical discomforts.  I know the arrival of our boys will bring challenges such as I can't even imagine at this point, and I can't wait!

I blogged this time last year about ten things I hoped would happen in 2011.  Fortunately, five of the ten came to pass, and I am well on my way toward working on a couple of the remaining five.  My marriage and other relationships are intact.  As usual, I didn't see as much of my sister and nephew as I'd hoped, but at least I had a legitimate reason (my pregnancy) for traveling less this year. I am still employed (and well received at work), and am well on my way to becoming a mother!

Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck with me since this blog (like much of my life) has become devoted to pregnancy more than anything else!  I wish good things for all of you in the upcoming year.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

31 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)







*************************
Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now gained 18 lbs from what I weighed the morning of our embryo transfer.  (Really, I lost 9 lbs in the first trimester and have regained it plus 18. . . so a total gain of 27 lbs.)

Maternity Clothes: All maternity all the time now. Even some of my maternity shirts are getting snug.

Stretch marks: No new ones related to pregnancy.

Sleep: OK. Getting up to pee almost hourly all night.  Ugh.  I am pretty tired most of the time and have permanent bags/circles under my eyes (which I doubt will be going away any time soon).

Movement: Both twins are active most of the time now.  Twin A's movements continue to feel uncomfortable, as it usually feels like he is kneeing me in the bladder or behind my pubic bone.  He is very low down there.  Twin B's movements are often visible from the outside.  (Twin A's might be, too, but I can no longer see that part of my belly, LOL.)

Cravings/Aversions: Still some smell aversions, no real cravings.

Gender: We are (still) having two boys.

Symptoms: Same, no real changes. Daily Pri.los.ec has helped, but not cured, my heartburn. I've started having some pain in my right hip (probably from lying on my left side so much), and I have lots of pulling sensations across my abdomen.  I've had some intermittent sharp pains in my groin which my OB thinks are round ligament pains.

What I miss: Being able to take a nice, deep breath. Getting up from a seated position without having to use my arms to push myself up! Being able to see my feet when I look down, being able to put on socks without assistance or pain.

What I look forward to: Meeting the babies (when they're ready), being able to eat and breathe normally again post-delivery.

Moods: Good.

Milestones: None. Counting the days until 32 weeks!

Medical concerns: I am managing my gestational diabetes with a small dose of an oral medication at bedtime and diet.  So far, the babies appear to be healthy.  They had a growth scan today, and their estimated weights are 4 lb 4 oz (66th percentile) for Twin A and 4 lb 8 oz (73rd percentile) for Twin B.  (There is a margin of error of plus/minus 10 oz.)  Very good!

Sex?: Nah.

Misc: I guess the fact that I'm now carrying approximately 9 lbs of babies accounts for my increased discomfort and ever-increasing belly size.  ;-)

I am really tired these days (I know, I've been saying that throughout, but it's getting more pronounced) but am feeling so grateful to have gotten this far with no real problems.  I am in the home stretch!

I have started having more Braxton-Hicks contractions.  They are more likely to happen if my bladder gets full (which doesn't take much, considering Twin A usually has a knee or a shoulder resting on it), and they generally subside within less than a minute or two and don't happen more often than a couple of times an hour.  My OB said that was fine at today's appointment, and she checked my cervix, which was still long and closed.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

30 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)







*************************
Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have gained 12 lbs from what I weighed the morning of our embryo transfer.  (Really, I lost 9 lbs in the first trimester and have regained it plus 12. . . so a total gain of 21 lbs.)

Maternity Clothes: All maternity all the time now. Even some of my maternity shirts are getting snug.

Stretch marks: No new ones related to pregnancy.

Sleep: OK. Getting up to pee almost hourly all night.  Ugh.  I am pretty tired most of the time and have permanent bags/circles under my eyes (which I doubt will be going away any time soon).

Movement: Both twins are active most of the time now.  Twin A's movements continue to feel uncomfortable, as it usually feels like he is kneeing me in the bladder or behind my pubic bone.  He is very low down there.  Twin B's movements are often visible from the outside.  (Twin A's might be, too, but I can no longer see that part of my belly, LOL.)

Cravings/Aversions: Still some smell aversions, no real cravings.

Gender: We are (still) having two boys.

Symptoms: Same, no real changes. Daily Pri.los.ec has helped, but not cured, my heartburn. I've started having some pain in my right hip (probably from lying on my left side so much), and I have lots of pulling sensations across my abdomen.

What I miss: Being able to take a nice, deep breath. Getting up from a seated position without having to use my arms to push myself up! Being able to see my feet when I look down, being able to put on socks without assistance or pain.

What I look forward to: Meeting the babies (when they're ready), being able to eat and breathe normally again post-delivery.

Moods: Good.

Milestones: None. Counting the days until 32 weeks!

Medical concerns: I am managing my gestational diabetes with a small dose of an oral medication at bedtime and diet.  So far, the babies appear to be healthy.  They'll have their next growth scan on 12/28.

Sex?: Nah.

Misc:  Apart from making sure our car seats are properly installed and laundering the babies' clothes/blankets/sheets/etc., we believe that we have everything prepared for their arrival.  It was MM's goal to have this done by the end of November, so by his standards we are a little behind schedule. . . . but I think having all this done by 30 weeks is pretty darn good.  Especially considering that the boys won't actually be coming to our house for at least another 6-8 weeks.
 
The Belly continues to grow, drawing the attention of acquaintances and strangers alike.  I've had several "when is your due date again?" comments, implying that I *must* be getting close.  One of the partners I work for pointed at The Belly this week and laughed (I didn't take offense; he's single & childless, so what does he know?)

They say that with twins you measure about six weeks ahead of where you would be with a singleton pregnancy, so it makes sense. . . I do look "full term."  Yeah, I'm big.  It seems to me that The Belly has started to grow out to the sides a bit instead of just growing out/forward.

Here's a photo of The Belly taken a couple of days ago, so you can judge for yourself.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Yikes

I just realized that, if I deliver at 37 weeks exactly, the boys' arrival is only 55 days away.

As much as I can't wait to meet them (and to not be pregnant anymore), I don't feel ready.  AAAAAHHH!

(And MM keeps helpfully pointing out that many twins arrive even earlier than 37 weeks. . . . )

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

29 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)








*************************

Total Weight Loss/Gain: As of Monday's OB appointment, I have now gained 12 lbs from what I weighed the morning of my transfer.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now.  I'm still able to wear a few of my own shirts, but do wear maternity shirts most of the time.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet. Still using the Bella B's Tummy Honey Butter, and it does help my belly feel less itchy.

Sleep: OK. Getting up to pee 3-5 times a night. If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested for at least part of the day.

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool. Twin A's movements feel weirder in a way than Twin B's because I mostly feel them inside--like right behind my pubic bone or close to my left hip bone--whereas Twin B's movements are just under the top of my belly and are even visible some of the time.

Cravings/Aversions: Lots of smell aversions still, no real cravings.

Gender: We are (still) having two boys.

Symptoms: Same, no real changes.  Daily Pri.los.ec has helped, but not cured, my heartburn.  I've been very fortunate to mostly avoid backaches and joint pain so far.

What I miss: Being able to take a nice, deep breath. Getting up from a seated position without having to use my arms to push myself up!  Being able to see my feet when I look down, LOL.

What I look forward to: Meeting the babies (when they're ready), being able to eat and breathe normally again post-delivery.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: None since last week's post.  Counting the days until 32 weeks!

Medical concerns: I have gestational diabetes and just started an oral medication for that, as my fasting (first-thing-in-the-morning) glucose levels were consistently higher than they should be. (My post-meal glucose levels are fine, now that I am following my prescribed diet.)  My blood pressure was fine at my last appointment (120/80). So far, the babies appear to be healthy.

Sex?: Yeah, MM feels weird about it and doesn't want to do it anymore. Oh well. Truth be told, I'm not too sad about that.

Misc:  My OB said I don't have to start twice-weekly NSTs until 34 weeks and that I would have had to do that even if I hadn't developed GD because I'm having twins.  (They only recommend earlier NSTs if there are known problems or if the mother's diabetes pre-dates pregnancy or is poorly controlled.)  She also said that she will write me a letter to cut back my hours at work, or to stop working entirely, whenever I feel it's time. . . . although she also said many women with twins work up until their due date, as long as they are feeling well and aren't having contractions, bleeding, leaking of fluid, etc.
 
My plan for now is to keep working as much as I can for as long as I can handle it physically and reevaluate if problems arise or when I start getting too exhausted to continue.  (Believe me, despite still working full days, I do get plenty of rest.  I compensate for working all day by spending most of every evening and a good part of the weekends on the couch or napping.)  Since my workload has been scaled back, I am no longer feeling overwhelmed. . . . and apart from occasional travel and depositions, there is a lot of my work which I can do from home if necessary.
 
The latest they will let me go will be 38 weeks, and that's assuming there is no reason to deliver me before then.  OB said they would consider delivering me at 37 weeks if I want and that, for now, I should just focus on making it to 32 weeks, and then to 36 weeks.  So I'm definitely in the home stretch.
 
Oh, and the boys will have their next growth scan on 12/28.  Can't wait to see how big they've gotten!

Friday, December 9, 2011

How do people do this?

After this morning's follow-up appointment with the diabetic educator, it sounds like I am going to have to start on an oral hypoglycemic to control my blood glucose levels.  (Long story short, my fasting levels are higher than they should be, regardless of my carb intake at bedtime.)

I don't mind the idea of taking medication in and of itself.  Even if I'm told at some point that I have to take insulin shots, that won't be the worst thing in the world.  Inconvenient and momentarily painful, sure, but not awful.

The thing that has me feeling really overwhelmed is what goes along with this development.  Because my GD will require medication to control, my perinatologist is recommending twice-weekly non-stress tests starting at 32 weeks.  These would be on top of the weekly OB appointments I will have by that time and the monthly growth scans.

So basically I am looking at having three doctor's appointments a week--two of which could last a couple of hours--starting in a few weeks.  Maybe even some weeks with a fourth appointment.  Sheesh.  That's a lot of doctors' appointments for someone who, prior to infertility and pregnancy, *maybe* went to the doctor for an annual physical and about once every two years for some type of illness.

I understand why the additional monitoring is recommended, and of course I want the babies to be watched closely so that prompt action can be taken if any complications develop.  But I am finding it hard to see how I am going to be able to continue working--even with a reduced workload--if I'm going to be at the doctor so often.  It's already been hard for me to keep up at work because I so often don't feel well physically.  (Examples: frequent heartburn & stomach upset; feeling tired most of the time; waking up with a headache every day this week.)

Oh well.  I am going to have to find a way to fit all this into my schedule because I have no alternative.  I just wonder how other people manage all this.  They must, right?

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Baby dream

Despite having more dreams than usual since I've been pregnant, I haven't had a dream about our babies since early July (see this post).  But I had one last night, and as most dreams are, it was weird.

Our boys had arrived, and we were taking them to visit some family members.  Oddly, when we arrived at these (unidentified) extended family members' home, there was a little girl there who was almost 2 years old. . . . who we learned was our daughter.  (Wha??)  I guess she was meant to represent the child we would have had if my chemical pregnancy in August 2009 had continued to delivery?  Who knows.  This child looked nothing like I would've pictured our daughter looking like (actually, she looked like jennepper's oldest daughter), and I never figured out why she lived with these random family members and not with us.

As if that part weren't strange enough, as the visit with the relatives progressed, our boys were gradually getting a little older.  At one point, I put them down on the floor for "tummy time," and the next thing I knew, they were crawling around and wrestling with one another.  And then suddenly they didn't look like babies any more; they looked like two cute black Labradoodle puppies!

No one but MM and I seemed to notice that our babies were now puppies.  Noticing this prompted dream-MM to say "I think there must have been a mix-up with the embryos in the clinic's lab."  Everyone else just commented on how adorable the boys were with their black curly hair.

Dreams are odd.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

28 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)



*************************
Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now gained 9 lbs from what I weighed the morning of my transfer.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear some of my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously), but do wear maternity shirts about half the time.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.  I've started applying this to my belly twice a day, not because I actually believe it will prevent stretch marks--I think whether or not one gets stretch marks is genetic, and I'm doomed since I already have 'em and my mom does, too--but because the skin on my belly has been getting dry and itchy lately.

Sleep: OK. Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night. If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested for at least part of the day.

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool.  Twin A's movements feel weirder in a way than Twin B's because I mostly feel them inside--like right behind my pubic bone or close to my left hip bone--whereas Twin B's movements are just under the top of my belly and are even visible some of the time.

Cravings/Aversions:  Lots of smell aversions still, no real cravings.

Gender: We are (still) having two boys.

Symptoms:  Same, no real changes (except that--TMI--my hemorrhoids have gotten worse).

What I miss: Being able to take a nice, deep breath.  Getting up from a seated position without having to use my arms to push myself up!
What I look forward to: Meeting the babies (when they're ready), being able to eat and breathe normally again post-delivery.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: 28 weeks is one of the milestones I've been looking forward to, as I know that the vast majority of babies born at this gestation will survive without lifelong health problems.  I'm still hoping to make it to at least 37 weeks with these guys (February 8), but my next milestone is 32 weeks.  Counting the days!
Medical concerns: I have gestational diabetes.  At this point, I am not on medication, just following my prescribed diet and checking my blood glucose levels four times a day.  My blood pressure was fine at my last appointment (132/74).  So far, the babies appear to be healthy.
Sex?: Yeah, MM feels weird about it and doesn't want to do it anymore.  Oh well.  We have plenty of years left to have sex after the babies are born (well, not *right* after, obviously).  Life is long.

Misc: As of this past weekend, we now have both our cribs.  (MM couldn't set up the nursery yet because--long story--he wasn't able to remove one piece of furniture from that room without additional help/tools.)  Actually, the only things we have to buy to be completely ready for the babies are two crib mattresses.  We have literally everything else we need (including more blankets and outfits than they can probably use).

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Spectacle

(Warning: pregnancy discussed in this post.  Click away if you don't want to read about that right now.)



I have reached a point in my pregnancy where I feel like a bit of a spectacle.  Any time I am in a public place, people inevitably stare at The Belly (which, at the rate it is growing, may need its own zip code soon).  Even people I work with, who see me nearly every day, seem to be unable to resist the urge to check it out.  A few have asked to touch it, too, and I have allowed them to do so.  (I don't mind people touching The Belly as long as they ask first.)

I don't mind the attention--I think it's natural and probably happens to most women--but it is a little strange.  I'm an average-looking gal who's spent most of her life overweight, so I'm not really accustomed to strangers scoping me out.

It's funny to me, too, how people like to comment on the size of The Belly.  For weeks and weeks, the comments were along the lines of "You're really not very big for twins."  Now they are more along the lines of "Wow, you're getting huge!"  (Although most people are careful to add "You're not gaining weight anywhere else, just your belly.")

Last week, I was riding the elevator in my building when a woman I didn't know asked when I was due.  When I said February, she looked shocked and disbelieving. . . . until I added "It's twins."  Then she got an "Oh, that explains it" look on her face.  LOL

Yesterday a coworker told me "It seems like you get bigger every time I see you!"  And honestly, I could not disagree with her.  She and I see one another about every other day, and the size of The Belly does seem to increase almost daily.

Even MM regularly uses the words "big" and "huge" to describe The Belly and exclaims over its growth.  He views these comments as compliments and does seem to be genuinely excited that I'm now very obviously pregnant.

In a way, I guess this is good preparation for when our babies arrive.  In the twin parenting books I've read, it's mentioned that going out in public with twins usually draws a lot of attention from strangers.  So my feeling like a bit of a spectacle likely won't end with the birth of our boys.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Post & dash

Just wanted to share a couple of quick items. . . . 

I went for a teaching appointment with the diabetic nurse educator at my perinatologists' group this morning.  Even though I am not entirely ignorant of what causes diabetes or dietary recommendations for its management, I figured it would be worthwhile to learn more.  After all, I haven't worked as a nurse in over ten years, so there were bound to be new recommendations, and I never took care of pregnant patients with diabetes when I was a nurse.

Interestingly, I learned that I'm not eating *enough* carbs.  Go figure.  (Two main reasons for this: since I've been pregnant, many carbs have aggravated my nausea and heartburn or left a bad taste in my mouth, and I've been trying to focus on eating more protein, because I know the babies need it for their growth and development.)  The nurse said I was the opposite of most of her patients in that she usually has to recommend that patients limit their carb intake.

I found the appointment quite helpful, as she gave me sample menus and literature with specific guidance about what I can and cannot eat and in what quantities.  (I'm not an imaginative meal planner, so I *love* sample menus.)  I have to go back in a week for her to review my food diary and blood sugar log so we can see how the dietary changes affect my blood glucose levels.

As I was leaving the perinatologists' office, I ran into a law school classmate of mine.  I don't think I've mentioned it here before, but I've run into two pregnant law school classmates at my OB's office since I've been pregnant.  So today's encounter is the third pregnant law school classmate sighting I've had.  (I tell ya, my law school classmates are a prolific group.)

Anywho, my classmate and I congratulated one another on our respective pregnancies.  And she remarked that I "don't look very big" for being almost seven months pregnant with twins.  Hmph.  I think it's the shirt I'm wearing today--a very blousy style which is not a maternity shirt--'cause I think I am looking quite large these days.

OK, gotta get back to work.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

27 weeks

(Today's post is all about pregnancy. Feel free to click away if you don't want to read it. Hope to see you again soon.)






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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  As of yesterday's OB appointment, I am up 9 lbs from the morning of our embryo transfer.  I think that's a little skewed because I had an afternoon appointment when I usually go in the morning, but I'll take it.

I saw an OB in the practice who had not seen me before, and ironically, he said "Wow, you've done a great job of controlling your weight gain; what's your secret?"  I said "I haven't been able to eat much" and went on to explain my 16 weeks of day-long nausea and 21 weeks of heartburn.  He seemed to think that the fact that I haven't gained much weight so far is a good thing, which was a little strange to hear.  (He did add that, since I'm having twins, I should probably be trying to gain weight now.)

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear a few of my own shirts, but not many.  I am finding my maternity shirts more comfortable, but MM observed that most of them may not fit for long either.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. In addition to getting up 2-4 times a night to pee, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to fall asleep and find myself awakening briefly multiple times a night simply because I'm uncomfortable. I'm fortunate in that I'm generally able to fall back to sleep within a minute or two, and I hope that trend continues.

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool. Both babies get the hiccups regularly, which is an odd sensation.  The babies have grown enough that I not only feel their kicks and hiccups but also can feel them moving around.  (With Twin B, I can see and feel his movement from outside even.)

Cravings/Aversions: Lots of smells still turn my stomach, but other than that, no real aversions. No cravings either.

Gender: We are (still) having two boys.

Symptoms: All the usual stuff, nothing new to mention.

What I miss: Sleeping through the night without interruption (it'll be a while before THAT makes a return to my life), having a normal energy level, eating what I want. 

What I look forward to: Meeting these babies (but I can wait until they're ready to come out).  Having the nursery set up.

Moods: Generally good.  I have felt a little down at times due to the difficulty of feeling subpar most of the time, but those moods are short-lived.  "Eyes on the prize"

Milestones: MM has now felt Twin A's kicks as well as Twin B's.  Though it's pretty funny how a lot of the time they kick right after he's removed his hand from my belly, almost as though they know he's trying to feel them and want to avoid being detected.

Medical concerns:  For the babies, none so far, thank goodness.  I did test positive for gestational diabetes, as I wrote about in my last post.

Sex?:  MM continues to feel weird about it.  Now it's to the point where he'd just rather not to do it.  Oh well.

Misc:  We are picking up our cribs this weekend, and the last of our nursery decorations arrived this week.  So we will be setting up the nursery this weekend.  MM especially is looking forward to this.  (He wanted to get it done by the end of November, so we are a little "behind schedule," but not terribly so.)

Oh, and after "not looking very pregnant" for a long time, the growth of The Belly has now taken off.  (I'm a little scared to think how it'll look in another couple of months.)  I had MM take some photos this past weekend and will post them when I have the motivation.  (You know, like those shower photos I promised a few weeks ago. . . . )

EDITED TO ADD:  I have a (very nice) coworker whose wife gave birth to their second child less than two weeks ago.  I ran into him in the hall today and asked him "So am I bigger now than your wife was the day she delivered?"  He gave The Belly a quick once-over and said "Yeah. . . but she kept her weight down and only gained 24 pounds."  LOL

Monday, November 28, 2011

Gestational diabetes

I got a call from my OB's office on Wednesday afternoon letting me know that I tested positive for gestational diabetes.  I wasn't particularly surprised, given all my risk factors, but was a little bummed out nonetheless.

For now, all I've been asked to do is check my blood sugar four times a day and keep a log.  I will be given further instructions on dietary recommendations this week (although, having been a nurse, I am already pretty familiar with what they are likely to be).

It's not so much the fact of having GD that bothers me, although I will admit I don't love pricking my finger to check my blood sugar four times a day.  (I don't think I'll mind the dietary restrictions much because I haven't been able to tolerate most simple carbs since I've been pregnant anyway, have been eating frequent small meals, and already eat protein at every meal.)  I'm more bothered by the worry that this is just the beginning.

I know I have been extremely fortunate to have no pregnancy complications up to this point, despite being at increased risk for a number of things.  I guess I just think that maybe this is just the first thing that's going to go wrong.

At this point in my pregnancy, my biggest concern is preterm delivery (and, really, anything else which might lead to a bad outcome for the babies, but that tops the list).  Having GD is yet another risk factor for developing preeclampsia, something which I am predisposed to by family history (both my mother and sister had pregnancy-induced hypertension, though not fully developed preeclampsia), and by being overweight, carrying twins, conceiving through DE, and being in my first pregnancy.

Unlike my husband, I am not a worrier by nature, but I can't help thinking that, even though preeclampsia is relatively uncommon, with all these risk factors, I will be extremely lucky not to develop it.  I only worry mildly about the risks to my own health; my primary concern is premature delivery and all its attendant effects on the babies.

I suppose it doesn't do much good to dwell on what might happen in the future when it is largely out of my control.  All I can do is continue following my doctors' instructions and hope for the best.

On a wholly unrelated note. . . . today is our third wedding anniversary.  I can honestly say that marrying MM was one of the best decisions I've made.  Despite being in the infertility sh1t for most of our marriage, our relationship is stronger than ever, and we are happy.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

26 weeks

(Today's post is all about pregnancy.  Feel free to click away if you don't want to read it.  Hope to see you again soon.)


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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I am still at a net gain of 4 lbs from what I weighed the morning of my transfer.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though fewer and fewer of them). I am going to have to start wearing maternity shirts soon, as my belly is getting pretty big, and I'm running out of options in my closet.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. In addition to getting up 2-4 times a night to pee, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to fall asleep and find myself awakening briefly multiple times a night simply because I'm uncomfortable.  I'm fortunate in that I'm generally able to fall back to sleep within a minute or two, and I hope that trend continues.

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool.  Both babies get the hiccups regularly, which is an odd sensation.

Cravings/Aversions:  Lots of smells still turn my stomach, but other than that, no real aversions.  No cravings either.

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms:  All the usual stuff, nothing new to mention.  With daily Pri.lo.sec, my heartburn is less "burn" and more of just the "lump in the esophagus" feeling I've mentioned before.

What I miss: Sleeping through the night without interruption (it'll be a while before THAT makes a return to my life), having a normal energy level, eating what I want.

What I look forward to: Meeting these babies (but I can wait until they're ready to come out).

Moods: Generally good, although I have been a little irritable with MM a few times since last week's post.  I think this was due more to a combination of feeling crappy and the usual irritations over household stuff (like the thermostat) than to hormones.

Milestones: MM was finally able to feel kicking this past week!  Twin A's kicks are still hard to feel on the outside, even for me, because of the anterior placement of his placenta, but MM felt Twin B's kicks twice.  (They are closer to the surface and higher on my belly, where it's easier to place a hand.)  Very cool.

Medical concerns:  I had my growth scan yesterday afternoon, and both boys are doing fine.  They estimated their weights at 2 lb 7 oz (Twin A) and 2 lb 3 oz (Twin B), plus or minus 6 oz.  All their measurements were appropriate and on-target.

I also did the three-hour glucose tolerance test on Monday (NOT a fun experience), and I have yet to hear the results.
Sex?: MM continues to feel weird about it, and the yeast infection I had meant several days of abstinence anyway.

Misc:  This development isn't new this week, but I keep forgetting to mention that my belly button is now only about one-third its usual depth.  I imagine it'll disappear entirely at some point as my belly continues to grow.
 
Now that my shower has passed, I ordered a bunch of essentials we still needed from ama.zon (their prices are SO much lower than Tar.get or BRU!), so nearly every day a box with baby supplies arrives at our house.  It's been kind of fun!  :-)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ah, the irony

I believe I have mentioned my lifelong struggles with my weight on this blog.  Apart from infertility, being overweight is the only health problem I've had so far.  (I've been very lucky in that regard.)

I do come by this problem honestly.  First, genetics: nearly everyone in my mother's family is either overweight or obese.  Second, habits: my default is to eat a "typical American diet," and since childhood I've preferred to devote more time to intellectual pursuits like reading than to physical activity.  There have been brief periods when I've established a habit of daily exercise, but it's a continual struggle for me, definitely not something which comes naturally.  (In contrast to my husband, who feels antsy and odd if he skips more than one day at the gym.)

As an adult, my weight has fluctuated between 150 and 230+ lbs, depending on the intensity (or lack) of my efforts to control it.  Most of the time since college I've weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 195-210; that seems to be a weight range my body likes for some reason.

Many is the time I've lamented my trouble losing weight.  I have often cursed my genes--which I can't control and are therefore easier to blame than my behavior--for predisposing me to weight gain.  Many is the time I've envied others who are able to maintain a healthy weight, some of them seemingly effortlessly.

So given that my difficulty maintaining a healthy weight has been the bane of my existence since I was an adolescent, I have found it more than a little ironic that I have had so much trouble gaining weight since I've been pregnant.  The one time in my life when it would be OK--indeed, encouraged--for me to gain weight, and I haven't been able to do it.

I've been concerned that by not gaining enough weight, I'm not helping our babies have the best possible outcome.  A popular and well-regarded book on multiple pregnancy recommends gaining 20 lbs by 20 weeks for optimal outcomes, and I've obviously fallen far short of that goal.

My OB has not been concerned about my lack of weight gain thus far, and I have discussed it with her at nearly every appointment.  She just says that the babies will take what they need and that there is no cause for concern as long as they are growing.

At my anatomy scan at around 20 weeks, both babies' estimated weights were slightly ahead of what would be expected for my dates, and that was reassuring.  However, their growth rates and weights haven't been checked since then.  I have a growth scan this afternoon, and I hope that it shows that they are both growing appropriately.

Of all times for my body to suddenly decide not to gain weight!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Keepin' it real

(Warning: this post is all about my pregnancy.  If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I understand.)



Some of my goals in continuing to write on the same blog I started while in the throes of infertility has been to be sensitive to my readers who are still trying to get pregnant, to not forget what it took me to get to this point, and to be grateful for--and enjoy--my pregnancy.

I feel that I would be remiss, though, if I don't candidly share some of my pregnancy experiences which I have not written about in detail so far.  Sure, I have shared some of the symptoms I've had in my weekly (and bi-weekly) updates, but I don't think I've given a complete picture.

Should another 40-ish woman who is contemplating transferring two embryos stumble across this blog and wonder about my experience, I want to give her a true impression of what twin pregnancy has been like for me.  I do believe knowledge is power, and while reading what I've written may not influence anyone's decision (and that's not truly my intent), I think it's important for this hypothetical woman who may be standing where I was eight months ago to know the whole story.

Allow me to preface the next part of this post by saying--as I have before on this blog--that I realize how very fortunate I am in relation to many others.  First, in just having the resources to pursue the fertility treatment we did to become parents and in having a husband who is supportive and on the same page as me.  Second, our DE IVF cycle worked on the first try.  I have made it to 25 weeks without apparent complications, and so far as I know, I am carrying two normal, healthy babies.  Also, I have now reached a point in my pregnancy when the odds of our boys surviving even an early delivery (albeit likely with a long hospital stay and possible ongoing problems) are greatly in their favor.

Having acknowledged all that, let me say that this pregnancy has not been all lollipops and rainbows for me.  Emotionally speaking, it has been mostly a very happy time for my husband and me.  We are both thrilled to finally be so close to being parents.

Physically, though. . . . simply put, I would say that this pregnancy is the single most difficult thing my body has done to date.  Since I hit 6 weeks, I have not had an entire single day when I have felt good physically.

Let me stop so you can think about that for a moment.  In almost 20 weeks, not.one.single.day.  Really.

And I haven't even reached "the hard part" of the pregnancy yet.

On the plus side, I've never had the experience I've heard some women report of "forgetting I'm pregnant."  No, my physical symptoms are a constant reminder that I am gestating.

Allow me to share the physical symptoms which have been the hardest for me:
  • Fatigue.  My fatigue was crippling during the first trimester.  Up until around 14 weeks, I literally did nothing but go to my office each day.  I took an hour-long afternoon nap AT the office on the days when my schedule permitted it.  Evenings and weekends, I did nothing but lie on the couch.  I had little to no energy to read a book or talk with friends, let alone go anywhere or accomplish anything around the house.  During this period, my husband did all the household chores (which weren't being done by our housekeeper at her bi-weekly visits) and got most of my food for me.  I know everyone who gets pregnant experiences fatigue, but I do feel that mine was much more severe than what has been reported to me by most of my friends and acquaintances.
  • Lack of energy.  Despite what the books and websites say, I never saw a "return to normal energy level" with the arrival of the second trimester.  I continued to have much less energy than pre-pregnancy.  I discussed this with my OB at two different appointments, hoping that there was some explanation which could be treated/fixed.  Nope.  I was told by two different OBs in the practice that this was "normal" for a pregnancy with multiples.  (And yes, possible medical explanations were ruled out.)
  • Difficulty concentrating.  (I do think that this symptom is an outgrowth of the previous two more than anything.)  Tasks which would normally take me hardly any time to complete now take hours.  I have to read and concentrate for work (I'm a lawyer), but the idea of trying to do so when I don't "have to" is anathema to me.  This is a HUGE change from my normal self.  I suspect this one isn't going to return to normal too soon after our babies arrive either, if for no other reason, because of the sleep deprivation I'm sure to experience.
  • Nausea.  Oddly enough, I have never vomited a single time since I've been pregnant.  BUT I had unremitting, severe, all-day nausea from 6 weeks to 15 weeks.  Between 15 weeks and 22 weeks, I was able to wean myself off Zofran (I was glad to quit it because of the BRUTAL constipation it caused) and only had nausea a portion of each day.  Since 22 weeks, I have had no true nausea but must be careful about what I eat, am still sensitive to smells, and occasionally get "gaggy" if I smell something bad or go too long without eating.  (Examples: this morning I had dry heaves in the car on the way to a deposition because I'd been awake for 40 minutes and hadn't eaten yet.  Last Saturday, I went into a bathroom at Babies R Us where there was a rancid smell and spent five minutes retching.)
  • Heartburn.  At first, my heartburn was something which was associated with my nausea and only developed if my stomach was empty too long or I ate something which disagreed with me.  Since my nausea has subsided, my heartburn has stuck around.  My OB tells me that the babies are not yet big enough to be crowding my organs and that this heartburn is due to hormones, not mechanics.  (I still have the crowding-related heartburn to look forward to.)  The heartburn is the usual burning sensation in the esophagus with which we are all familiar, as well as sometimes feeling I have a large "lump" stuck midway between my mouth and my stomach.  So far I have tried Pe.pcid, Za.ntac, Pril.os.ec, and lots of Tums to treat it.  The first two didn't work at all, the Pril.os.ec helps a little (takes the edge off), and the Tums only work for a half-hour or so after I take them (in addition to tasting chalky and gross, which can also turn my stomach).  Ironically, drinking water--which is otherwise highly recommended; I'm supposed to drink 2-3 liters a day--seems to make my heartburn worse.
  • Shortness of breath, dizziness.  I can no longer walk up a flight of stairs, or even walk at my normal (fairly brisk) pace without getting winded.  If I stand up quickly, I often feel dizzy.  Again, I am told these are normal, and I am not anemic.  I actually started this pregnancy in pretty good physical condition for me--readers who've been with me for a while may recall that I dropped 15 lbs and completed a month-long fitness boot camp just prior to our DE cycle--so I don't think I can attribute my shortness of breath to being out of shape.  (Though goodness knows, I have done very little exercise since I've been pregnant, between early activity restrictions, fatigue, nausea and the like.)  I also can't really attribute my shortness of breath to carrying more weight than I am used to: I only weigh 4 lbs more today than I did the morning of transfer, and I've weighed as much as 20 lbs more than this within the past five years (and I could still get around then without huffing & puffing).  It's also too early to blame the shortness of breath on the babies' crowding my lungs; they aren't big enough for that yet.
To leave nothing out, let me share these additional symptoms which most pregnant women probably experience and aren't likely due to increased stress on my body from carrying twins.
  • Hemorrhoids. I don't think I need to go into great detail here. Moving on. . .
  • New skin growths and moles.  I had a few moles pre-pregnancy, and I have had skin tags removed in the past, but I now have skin tags in (unmentionable) places I've never had them before.  I also have several moles on areolae of both breasts, a few of which are large enough and close enough to my nipples that they give me cause for concern, since I'm planning to breast-feed.  Again, I am told this is all normal.
  • Other changes in my skin.  I've mentioned here before that I've never had a pregnancy glow.  My skin is dry, sometimes peeling--despite using more lotion and moisturizers than normal--and I just look old and tired.  I haven't had the "mask of pregnancy" develop, and so far no line or stretch marks on my belly--though they may still be coming, so I guess I've actually been pretty fortunate here so far.
  • Headaches.  Actually, mine have been fewer and less severe since I've been pregnant.  (I usually average 2-3 migraines a month and have only had two in the six months I've been pregnant.)  The hard part about headaches in pregnancy, though, is that I'm not permitted to take anything which might actually help: "Tylenol only."  This means that a headache which would normally be cleared up in an hour by two Advil now persists all day and sometimes into the next day.
It's somewhat ironic to me that, during a time when I have felt emotionally GREAT (truly: I haven't been very moody and am obviously very happy to be pregnant), I have felt physically the worst I've ever felt in my life.  Infertility and weight issues notwithstanding, I've always been a healthy person.  I was used to waking up feeling good most days, working long hours without problems, eating whatever I wanted without adverse effects, and generally living my life.  Those days are gone now, and I'm not sure when/if they are coming back.

I think I knew that being pregnant would not necessarily be easy, but I don't think I truly knew how difficult it would be.  Based on what my OB has told me, I do think part of the reason it's been particularly hard is the fact that I'm carrying two instead of one.

I hope I've done a decent job of stating facts here and not whining.  I'm not trying to complain, just want to keep it real.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

25 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)









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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now gained 4 lbs from what I weighed the morning of my transfer.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously). I am going to have to start wearing maternity shirts soon, as my belly is getting pretty big.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night. If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested for at least part of the day. I'd take a nap every afternoon if I could.  (I do try to at least lie down for an hour or so on the afternoons I'm in the office and not out at depositions.)

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool.  I am feeling more movements in different places now, too.  Not sure if that's because the babies are changing position or because they are bigger and I can now feel other parts besides just legs kicking.  ?

Cravings/Aversions:  I was craving Dr. Pepper last week, but I think it was just because I haven't had one in ages (and won't permit myself one while pregnant, having sworn off all caffeine and high fructose corn syrup).  I still can't eat a lot of things I did pre-pregnancy, simply because they make my (ever-present) heartburn worse.  (Chocolate and other sweets are a prime example of this.)

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms: Still heartburn some part of every day and lots of GI upset in general. I am still "gaggy" occasionally, but no waves of nausea since 22w1d, thank goodness. Occasional feeling of stretching across my abdomen or in my groin which has been more intense the past couple of days. (I suspect the babies are growing faster now.)  Nipples are still sore at times and look different from pre-pregnancy.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level. Being able to eat what I want.
What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement (he's had a few "near miss" situations but hasn't felt them yet), meeting these babies.
Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: I had my shower and have ordered our nursery decorations.  ;-)
Medical concerns: Just this afternoon, I found out that my result on the one-hour glucose screening was elevated, so I have to go in first thing Monday morning for the three-hour screening to see if I have gestational diabetes.  Ugh.  With all my risk factors--family history of diabetes on both sides, overweight, over 40, and carrying twins--I should've seen this coming, but I'm not happy about it.
Also, my blood pressure was mildly elevated at Monday's OB appointment (134/82, I think).  My doctor said we would "keep an eye on it."  I start going in every two weeks for appointments now that I've passed 24 weeks, so they'll have plenty of opportunity to check it.

Oh, and I have a yeast infection.  Lovely.  The only symptom I had was a whitish discharge--no burning, itching, odor, etc.--so I'm glad I asked the OB to check.

Sex?: MM continues to feel weird about it.

Misc:  I talked with my OB at Monday's appointment about whether and when I would have to stop working.  She told me I won't have to stop working (barring complications) at all, but that she will likely advise at some future point that I cut my hours back to about half time.  I talked with my boss about it, and he was very understanding and willing to accommodate me.  We are already discussing shifting some of my workload to others in the office so that I am able to cut back.  Whew!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Different

I often think that women with infertility probably experience their pregnancies differently from pregnant women who have not experienced infertility prior to conception.  There are probably a variety of ways in which the experience is different, but I imagine that one key difference is a difference in anxiety levels about how the pregnancy will progress.  I suppose that "fertile" women mostly assume, from the time they first see a positive result on the home pregnancy test, that they will be bringing home a healthy baby in nine months.  I know that few, if any, women who have experienced infertility make that assumption.

Even before infertility, I knew that a positive pregnancy test did not necessarily mean a healthy, living baby in nine months.  Having lived to the age of 40, having been a nurse in my previous career, and having been a me.di.cal malp.rac.tice att.orn.ey for the past 4+ years, I had a certain awareness of what can go wrong during pregnancy prior to ever trying to get pregnant myself.  Fortunately, I had not known many people in real life who had had bad pregnancy outcomes, but I was fully aware of the possibilities.

I will say, though, that being a member of the online infertility community has heightened my awareness of these things. . . things like miscarriages, stillbirths, preterm labor, preelampsia and the like.  I'm not sure if that's because these things happen more often to those of us who have struggled with infertility, or if it's because someone who has written openly on a blog about her infertility is also likely to write openly about her losses or difficulties in a way that others might not.

Having just had my baby shower yesterday (post with photos about the shower to follow sometime soon), our "nursery" is now full of baby clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, swings and other baby items.  On the one hand, it's good.  I feel so fortunate to have so many generous friends who have given us these gifts.

On the other hand, seeing all those things stored in our house, just waiting for their recipients to use them, got me thinking.  First, it's still odd to think that, within (probably) the next three months, there will be two actual, living babies in our home using these items.  Even though I now feel both babies' movements several times a day, and have seen them on ultrasound numerous times, they are still something of an abstract concept to me.  So it's strange to have these tangible reminders that they are real live little people.  Strange but also good.

Second, I thought fleetingly of how awful it would be to have to get rid of all these gifts if, G-d forbid, something should happen to the babies.  I know, it's a morbid thought, and not one that I allowed myself to entertain for long.  But it popped into my mind nonetheless.  At least for me, I'm not sure I'd be thinking something like this if I'd just woken up one day after just a few months of TTC and seen a + HPT.  One of several ways in which infertility has changed the way I think.

Even though these types of thoughts sometimes crop up, I try to focus more on planning for our boys' arrival.  I know this is the only time I will be pregnant, and despite the physical discomforts, I am doing my best to enjoy it.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

24 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)






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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now gained 2-3 lbs, depending upon the day's weigh-in.  At last!  Actual, sustained weight gain!

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously). I wore my first maternity shirt Monday.
Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night. If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested for at least part of the day.  I'd take a nap every afternoon if I could.

Movement: I'm feeling movement off and on throughout the day from both babies, and it's pretty cool.  (Except for the fact that, ever since a coworker told him that her doctor wants her to count her baby's daily kicks, MM now asks me multiple times if I've felt the babies moving.)  Feeling their movements is one of the few things I've really enjoyed about being pregnant so far.

Cravings/Aversions: Still no real cravings. All my food aversions are gone at this point, although I am more "finicky" about my eating than I ever was pre-pregnancy.

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms:  Still heartburn some part of every day and lots of GI upset in general.  I am still "gaggy" occasionally, but no waves of nausea since 22w1d, thank goodness.  Occasional feeling of stretching across my abdomen or in my groin.  Nipples are still sore at times and look different from pre-pregnancy.

What I miss:  Having a normal energy level.  I take it easy as much as I can, but work continues to be demanding.  Most days, it takes all my energy, so I'm not accomplishing much outside the office.

What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement, meeting these babies.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones:  Most people consider 24 weeks the milestone for viability. 

Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness. I haven't noticed any more Braxton Hicks contractions since my trip to OB triage almost two weeks ago.

Sex?: MM continues to feel weird about it.

Misc:  My baby shower is this Saturday.  I'm looking forward to it, particularly because I've been something of a recluse since getting pregnant (between the 16 weeks of nausea and the fatigue).  I'll get to see friends I haven't seen in a while, or at least haven't seen much.
 
I am still chipping away at what needs to be done in the home office/nursery.  It's slow going, but I'm hoping to get it done before I hit 28 weeks.  (Oh, and unfortunately, MM can't really do it for me because it's all my stuff that needs to be sorted, reorganized and moved to somewhere else in the house.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

23 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)










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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  I think I may have gained a pound, but it's not consistent.  Overall I think I am still at the break-even point I was last week.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now. I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously).  I have ordered a couple of maternity shirts and will need to order more soon.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night. If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested.

Movement: I'm feeling movement all the time from both babies, though it can sometimes be a little difficult to discern which one is moving, depending on where I'm feeling it.  Feeling their movements is one of the few things I've really enjoyed about being pregnant so far.

Cravings/Aversions: Still no real cravings. All my food aversions are gone at this point, although I am more "finicky" about my eating than I ever was pre-pregnancy.

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms: As of last Thursday, I no longer have nausea.  (Hallelujah!  It only took until 22 weeks to go away!)  I do still get "gaggy" at times, have heartburn some part of every day, and I burp a lot and get a lot of gas. Sore nipples which are generally darker but change shades from day to day. Sometimes I'm feeling stretching sensations across my abdomen, but these come and go.  I am ravenously hungry if I go more than three hours without eating, and earlier in the day, I sometimes need to eat a little something every two hours.  It's crazy!

What I miss:  Feeling normal.  (Not sure I ever will again, LOL.)

What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement, making it to viability in two weeks.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones:  I have now reached a point where there is a *small* chance of these babies' surviving outside the womb.  (The odds still wouldn't be in their favor, and they'd have a high risk of long-term complications. . . . but prior to this week, they'd have had zero chance of survival, so I think that's significant.)

Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness.  I posted about my "false alarm" trip to OB triage last week which turned out to be nothing.

Sex?:  MM continues to feel weird about it.

Misc:  As this post is being published, I am headed out on what will likely be my last out-of-state business trip until I return from maternity leave.  I am flying to Columbus, OH, for two days for a deposition.  MM is very worried about my flying at this point in my pregnancy, but so far my OB hasn't restricted me from it.  (She says I'll be unable to fly starting at 28 weeks.)
 
I still haven't gotten around to clearing out what needs to be sorted in our home office so that it can become the nursery.  Truth be told, it is driving MM a little nuts.  I feel bad about it, but last weekend I was so, so tired that all I wanted to do was lie around.  (I did find the energy to go to Ta.rg.et, the grocery store and a Halloween costume party, but that was it.)  Maybe this coming weekend; we'll see.

Friday, October 28, 2011

False alarm

Yesterday morning, I noticed areas of my uterus were tightening and relaxing intermittently. Oddly, it wasn't painful, but after it continued for an hour, I became concerned enough to call my OB. (One of my biggest fears is preterm labor.)

It took my OB's nurse two-and-a-half (!) hours to call me back. During that time, I lay down on my left side for 45 minutes (I have a cot set up in a vacant office for this purpose) and drank some extra water. The tightenings became less frequent but didn't completely go away. I explained to the nurse what I'd been feeling, and she more or less suggested that I go to the hospital's OB triage unit. (She said they could be Braxton Hicks contractions but were more frequent than they are comfortable with.)

So I went OB triage. They put me on a monitor to check for contractions for two separate 15-minute periods. They got a urine sample and tested it. They checked my blood pressure, and I had my first internal cervical check. (Side note: not fun. Going through ART, I've had plenty of things placed in my vagina over the past few years, but never someone's whole hand.). Eventually they did a quick u/s to check the babies' heartbeats.

At the end of all this, the babies were fine, and the monitor had detected no contractions. (I was no longer feeling them by this point.) My urine sample was clear, and my cervix was long and closed.

So my visit ended up being for nothing, but at least I was reassured that everything was ok. I'd rather go in for nothing than ignore a potential problem.

That was my "excitement" for yesterday. ;-)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

22 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)




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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I am now back to what I weighed the morning of my first OB appointment.  Net gain/loss = 0, but at least the scale is moving up.  Given that I am able to eat more these days, I expect to see some actual weight gain soon.

Maternity Clothes: All maternity pants all the time now.  I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously), but I might break down and start buying some maternity shirts soon.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night.  If I allot at least nine hours for a night's sleep, I usually feel fairly rested.

Movement: I'm feeling more movement all the time, especially from Twin B. Twin A's movements are discernable but fainter (due to the placement of his placenta and positioning). Both twins seem more active if/when I eat/drink something cold or sweet (like juice).  I *thought* I felt Twin B kick my hand over the weekend, but it was a one-time event which has not yet been repeated.

Cravings/Aversions: Still no real cravings. I do think longingly about some of the things I'm not allowed to have, like sushi or soft cheeses, but I don't truly *crave* them. My food aversions are few these days.

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms: I only have nausea occasionally now, but I do get "gaggy" at times.  (Still have a hard time brushing my teeth every time.)  I have heartburn some part of every day, and I burp a lot and get a lot of gas. Sore nipples which are generally darker but change shades from day to day. Sometimes I'm feeling stretching sensations across my abdomen, but these come and go.

What I miss: Being able to lie comfortably on my back.

What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement, making it to viability in two weeks.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones:  I'm lousy at this category; once again, I can't think of any since the last post.

Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness.

Sex?: We haven't done it since my 20 weeks post.  MM continues to feel weird about it.

Misc:  Despite still not feeling 100% physically, I am feeling very fortunate to have gotten this far without pregnancy complications.  I am all too aware of the things that can go wrong and sadly, know women who have experienced losses or been put on bedrest prior to this point in their pregnancies.  I'm more than willing to put up with 15 more weeks of feeling subpar to get these babies here safe and healthy.

My fingers are crossed that I will be able to continue working up until delivery, though I have a Plan B in the back of my mind in case that doesn't happen.  I "know" (online) a woman who recently gave birth to twins at 38 weeks who worked full-time up until two days before delivery, and she is my inspiration.  :-)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

21 weeks (+ 1 day)

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

I'm a day late with this post this week because I was traveling for work the past two days.


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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now regained about 7 of the 9 lbs I initially lost. Overall change in weight: -2 lbs. Looking forward to seeing the scale actually move above what it was when I got pregnant!

Maternity Clothes:  All maternity pants all the time now, though I probably could still wear some of my bigger pre-pregnancy pants with the Bella Band.  I don't because they aren't as comfortable.  I'm still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously).

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: Just OK. I'm having more trouble sleeping soundly now, and if I roll onto my back in my sleep, I'll wake up within a few minutes because I'm uncomfortable.  Getting up to pee 2-4 times a night now.

Movement:  I'm feeling more movement all the time, especially from Twin B.  Twin A's movements are discernable but fainter (due to the placement of his placenta and positioning).  Both twins seem more active if/when I eat/drink something sweet (like juice).

Cravings/Aversions: Still no real cravings.  I do think longingly about some of the things I'm not allowed to have, like sushi or soft cheeses, but I don't truly *crave* them.  My food aversions are much fewer now, thank goodness.

Gender: We are having two boys.

Symptoms:  I only have a little bit of nausea each day now, but I have heartburn some part of every day, and my stomach is just generally more unsettled.  (I burp a lot and get a lot of gas, lovely, I know.)  Sore nipples which are generally darker but change shades from day to day. Sometimes I'm feeling stretching sensations across my abdomen, which makes sense since it's getting visibly larger by the week (seemingly by the day sometimes).

What I miss: Being able to lie comfortably on my back.

What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement, making it to viability in a few weeks.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones:  Hmm, can't really think of anything since last week's post.

Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness.

Sex?:  We haven't done it since last week's post.

Misc: We agreed on which cribs to buy and are now just waiting until our next BRU 20% off coupon becomes effective to buy them.  (We already bought the matching changing table.)  Two of my closest friends are planning a baby shower for me in a few weeks.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

20 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)




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Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now regained about 6 of the 9 lbs I initially lost. Overall change in weight: -3 lbs.  I'm not as worried about my lack of weight gain thus far since we had our anatomy scan and found out that both babies are an ounce or two bigger than average for dates at this point.  At least my inability to eat much hasn't starved them so far!

Maternity Clothes: More maternity pants every week, still able to wear my own shirts (though not all of them, obviously).  A couple of pairs of pants still "fit" with the Bella Band, but they aren't very comfortable anymore.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: OK. Getting up a couple of times a night to pee pretty consistently now.

Movement: I've had that fluttering feeling in my left mid-to-lower abdomen several more times over the past week. After talking with the perinatologist about the position and location of the babies at our anatomy scan, I realize that the movement I've been feeling has been from Twin B.  Twin A's placenta is anterior, so I will likely have to wait until he is a little bigger to feel his kicks.

Cravings/Aversions:  Still have lots of food intolerances, many of which are somewhat unpredictable (i.e., something goes down fine on Tuesday and then the same food makes me bloated/nauseated on Wednesday).  No real cravings.

Gender:  We are having two boys.

Symptoms: Still some nausea, though I'm having more good days than bad days with that now. (Gah, you'd think at 20 weeks that would be gone!  Actually, at this point, I've resigned myself to the idea that I may continue to have nausea until I deliver.)  Occasional heartburn and bloating, but again, not as bad. Sore, darker nipples. Haven't noticed any round ligament pain since last week.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level, being able to eat anything I want.

What I look forward to: MM being able to feel the babies' movement.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: Since most doctors consider twins to be full term at 37 weeks, I am now more than halfway through my pregnancy!  Also, I actually look pregnant most of the time now, at least to people who know me.  Although my belly wasn't small before pregnancy, it sticks out more now and is rounder than usual.  Some heavy women have this body type, but I think it's becoming more obvious.  I'm including a crappy cell phone photo of me in the ladies' room last Friday so you can judge for yourselves:



Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness.

Sex?:  We've done it, and it's been fine.  I actually find that my desire is higher now than a few weeks ago (when I'm not feeling nauseated). . . but MM is concerned about "disturbing" the babies.  ("They're right there!")  LOL

Misc:  With my BFF's help, I finally made a start on cleaning out the office/nursery-to-be last weekend.  Now I just need to have MM move a few more boxes out of the closet, and we need to sell/donate the desk and chairs in there to make room for nursery furniture. 
 
We actually have some baby clothes hanging in the closet now--not much, just a few miscellaneous onesies and the like that my MIL and I have bought--and it's pretty darn cute.  :-)

Friday, October 7, 2011

Gender reveal

We are having. . . . .








TWO BOYS!

Even better news, they both appear to be normal and are measuring just slightly ahead of their dates in terms of growth.  We are so pleased!

Both the perinatologist and MM pointed out that I will now be severely outnumbered at home.  Even our dog is male!  LOL

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

19 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

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I wouldn't say I'm thankful for having had the experience of infertility. How could I be? I wouldn't wish that experience on an enemy, let alone on myself.  At the same time, though, I am thankful for the perspective it's given me.

This morning I was perusing my "due date club" on an internet site geared toward moms and expectant moms and came across a post from someone talking about her "extreme disappointment" at learning that her second child is going to be "another" boy. She talked about how she felt "broken hearted and like God hates [her]" and on and on in this vein.

(BTW, it's worth noting that the poster's pregnancy was unplanned; she says she and her boyfriend conceived while she was on birth control.)

I have dreamed for years of having a daughter, but if both these babies I'm currently carrying turn out to be boys, I will still be thrilled if we have two healthy children.  I can understand a minor, temporary disappointment at not getting what you wanted, but crying "hysterically for 20 minutes"?  Questioning whether I "deserve happiness"?  Not going to hear anything like that here.

Yes, perspective is a good thing.

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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  I have now regained about 4 of the 9 lbs I initially lost. Overall change in weight: -5 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: I am wearing more and more maternity pants, though I can still wear some of my usual pants with the Bella Band.  Still wearing my usual shirts (though obviously not all of them).  One upside of being a plus-size woman: most of my regular clothes aren't very form-fitting, and blousy, tunic-type tops have been in style for a while.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: OK.  Getting up a couple of times a night to pee pretty consistently now.

Movement:  I've had that fluttering feeling in my lower abdomen several more times since last week.  I figure it must be the babies, based on the location and the difference between that feeling and anything I've felt before.

Cravings/Aversions: The only foods I'm "craving" are the things I can't have, like deli turkey sandwiches and sushi. Still not crazy about some cooked vegetables or dishes with sauces, but overall, I'd say my aversions are getting fewer.

Gender: We hope to find out on Friday!

Symptoms: Still some nausea, though I'm having more good days than bad days with that now. Occasional heartburn and bloating, but again, not as bad. Sore, darker nipples. I'm still having the pulling sensations across my abdomen which were new as of last week and an occasional sharp pain near my hip bones which I think is round ligament pain.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level, being able to eat anything I want.

What I look forward to: Anatomy scan on 10/7. Actually looking consistently pregnant instead of just fat (though I do think I'm showing more this week). MM being able to feel the babies' movement.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: I've read that the babies may be able to hear now.

Medical concerns: None so far.

Sex?: Eh.

Misc: Finally going to empty out the home-office-soon-to-be-nursery this Saturday.  Once that's done, I'll be able to order the crib and changing table and other baby stuff.  Not looking forward to the process but definitely looking forward to the end result.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Lucky

While visiting an online forum for donor egg parents today (through Parents Via Egg Donation, an organization I highly recommend to anyone considering this route to parenthood), I had reason to reflect on how very fortunate I am to be in my current position. 

Certainly this thought has crossed my mind numerous times before today.  But I don't know that I've written much about my feelings on the subject beyond the posts about my initial positive pregnancy tests and ultrasounds.

I realize that suffering isn't a contest, and I don't minimize or forget the difficult emotions I struggled with during over three years of unsuccessful TTC.  I also acknowledge that, even having had 40 unsuccessful cycles TTC, I've gone through much, much less than many others who have struggled, and continued to struggle, with infertility. 

As you might guess, most people do not turn to donor eggs as a first-line fertility treatment.  Although there are some women who know from the outset that conception using their own eggs will be out of the question, either due to prior cancer treatment or diagnosed medical problems, it is more often the case that women undergoing DE IVF have already experienced many failed cycles with their own eggs and/or many miscarriages before moving on to this treatment option.

On the forum I referenced above and on some of the blogs I read, there are a number of women who, in addition to having had failed cycles/losses with their own eggs, are now going through DE IVF for the second, third or even fourth time, sometimes with different donors.  DE IVF generally has higher success rates than IVF with one's own eggs, but they still aren't anywhere near 100%.  Knowing what goes into a DE IVF cycle, financially, emotionally and mentally, it's hard to contemplate how difficult it must be to keep trying after a failed cycle.

If you've read this blog (or even just our TTC history page), you know that we conceived my current twin pregnancy on our first DE IVF cycle, which was also our first-ever IVF cycle, since I never did IVF with my own eggs.  I had many failed IUIs and a chemical pregnancy, but in the overall scheme, I'm one of the lucky ones.

Yes, our cycle was a huge investment, emotionally and financially.  It was something we contemplated for a long time before taking the plunge.  I needed counseling to come to terms with taking this path to parenthood.  My husband was hesitant to go into debt to try this, even though the odds were (finally) in our favor.

But the gamble paid off for us; it worked on the first try.

Now I am in the (enviable) position where so many other women hope to be.  I am humbled and moved to tears when I think of all the strong, deserving women who would give almost anything--and have given an unimaginable amount--to be where I am now.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

What's up, Blogger?

I am having trouble leaving comments on some of the blogs I read regularly.  I thought I'd solved the problem, but had to give up after four failed tries on sunflowerchilde's blog.  Frustrating.

Anyone know how to fix this problem?  I tried deleting cookies from my browser, but it didn't help.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

18 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)



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I keep hoping to post something other than these weekly or bi-weekly updates, but I never seem to get around to it.  My apologies to those who are still reading; I know this stuff probably isn't all that interesting to most of you.

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I have now regained about 3 of the 9 lbs I initially lost.  Overall change in weight:  -6 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Some pants, though I can still wear some of my usual pants with the Bella Band.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: OK.  I bought a Snoogle to help me sleep on my left side, and I'm still getting used to it.
Movement:  We've seen them moving on ultrasound for a while, and a few nights ago, I *think* I finally felt something.  It felt like a fluttering feeling in my lower abdomen (and this time it wasn't gas).

Cravings/Aversions:  The only foods I'm "craving" are the things I can't have, like deli turkey sandwiches and sushi.  Still not crazy about some cooked vegetables or dishes with sauces, but overall, I'd say my aversions are getting fewer.

Gender: We hope to find out in just a little over a week!

Symptoms: Still some nausea, though I'm having more good days than bad days with that now.  Occasional heartburn and bloating, but again, not as bad.  Sore, darker nipples.  Starting this week, I've also felt some pulling sensations across my abdomen which are new.

What I miss:  Having a normal energy level, being able to eat anything I want.

What I look forward to: Anatomy scan on 10/7.  Actually looking pregnant instead of just fat.  MM being able to feel the babies' movement.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones:  I'd count possibly feeling movement as a milestone.

Medical concerns: None so far.

Sex?:  Eh.

Misc:  Had to travel yesterday for work and didn't get home until 11:15 p.m.  Am exhausted today.  Have another trip coming up in three weeks and not looking forward to it.  My OB told me I won't be able to fly after 28 weeks, and although I usually don't mind traveling for work, I must admit, I'm looking forward to that restriction!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

17 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)




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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  I am still down about 5 lbs from the morning of transfer, but at least the scale is now moving up.  I plan to discuss my lack of weight gain with my OB tomorrow at my appointment.

Maternity Clothes:  I bought a few pairs of pants because, although I could still fit into many of my old pants, they were feeling a little uncomfortable on my abdomen.  Haven't had to buy any maternity shirts yet.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep:  OK.  I'm trying to train myself to sleep on my left side, and that's been tough.  I am getting up 1-2 times a night to pee.

Movement: They are moving but I haven't felt them yet.

Cravings/Aversions:  My aversions are fewer than before, but I still have many.  No real cravings.

Gender:  We hope to find out in just a little over a week!

Symptoms:  (To be clear, just providing information here, not complaining. . . )  Still more tired than usual, though not as tired as during the first trimester.  My nipples are sore and sensitive and still have the bumps I described in my 16 weeks post.  My nausea is better in that it is less severe most days and doesn't seem to last as long--I've only had to take one dose of Zofran in the past two weeks--but I'm still far from normal.  I am hungry every 2-3 hours, whether nauseated or not, and even small meals leave me feeling as bloated as I would after Thanksgiving dinner.  (Most of the day my upper abdomen is bigger than my "bump" because of all the bloating.)  I still have occasional heartburn, but I've cut out Zantac and Prilosec.  I don't perceive a pattern to which foods will make me feel worse than others, which is frustrating at times.

What I miss: Being able to eat what I want, whenever I want.

What I look forward to: Anatomy scan on 10/7.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: Hmm.  I can't think of any since my 16 weeks post.

Medical concerns: None so far.

Sex?:  Meh, not so much.  In addition to my not feeling so great, MM was sick part of last week, too.

Misc:  MM continues to be anxious and concerned about the babies.  Before a wedding last weekend, while waiting for the outdoor ceremony to start, he meant to bring me a glass of lemonade and inadvertently brought me a margarita instead.  (I realized it after the first small sip.)  He was worried all through the wedding.  He also thought I shouldn't be doing the macarena at the reception because it might "disturb" the babies. 

Also, MM and I went on our first date four years ago today!  Awwww. . . .

Friday, September 16, 2011

Gratitude and complaining

A few posts I've read recently got me thinking. . . . can someone be grateful and yet still complain?  One oft-suggested strategy for complaining less is to shift focus to gratitude.  But I think one can be truly grateful for something and still feel annoyed or challenged by it.

One example:  I have a good job that I am lucky to have, especially in the current economic climate.  Many people would be happy to have my job.  I'm happy to have it, too, but I still complain from time to time about certain aspects of it (annoying opposing counsel, difficult clients, capricious partner/supervisors, to name a few).  Does that mean I am not grateful for my job?

Another:  we have a dog we love.  MM regularly picks up his poo in the back yard and takes him for a nightly walk, but occasionally he complains about doing these things.  Doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate our dog; he does.  It's just not fun to pick up poo, or to go for a walk in the neighborhood when it's 100+ outside after dark.

Even things in life that are great in the main have aspects that are hard.  Pregnancy is a good example.  I am thrilled to "finally" be pregnant with twins, but that doesn't mean that it has been, or will be, easy.  I try to confine the majority of my complaining to MM (who, let's face it, should be willing to listen at a minimum), but I am sure that some of the thoughts I've posted on here about my nausea, heartburn and fatigue may have come across as complaints.

I don't think that complaining means someone is not grateful.  I think it is usually an acknowledgement of the hard aspects of whatever she's experiencing.  But I come from a family of kvetchers, so maybe I'm wrong.

What do you think?  Are complaints and gratitude incompatible?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

16 Weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

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Total Weight Loss/Gain: Still down about 7 lbs from what I weighed the morning before our embryo transfer.  My weight loss has leveled off in the past month, but I'm still not gaining.  I'm a little concerned and plan to discuss with my OB at my next appointment on 9/22.

Maternity Clothes:  Not yet.  I've considered them, but I'm not quite there.  I've been wearing more skirts/dresses and pants with stretch lately, though.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep:  Still sleeping OK. I do have to get up once or twice a night to pee, which is new since the last update.

Movement: I've seen them moving on my ultrasounds but haven't felt movement yet.  One night I thought I did, but it was gas.  LOL

Cravings/Aversions: I still have some food aversions, though not as many as before.  I have continued to have a bad taste in my mouth after eating off and on, but it seems to be improving.  No cravings.

Gender: Don't know yet, too early. (Yes, we have a "guess.")

Symptoms: Blessedly, I haven't taken Zofran for a week--hooray!  I still have nausea from when I wake up until mid-morning or mid-day, but I've been able to tough it out because it's not quite as bad.  (P.S. I tried two flavors of Preggy Pops since my last update and HATED them.  Had to spit 'em out.)  I continue to have heartburn, now sometimes even when I take Zantac. My nipples are sore/sensitive, and they have changed color and devloped some bumps I never had before. I am still more tired than usual.  (What happened to my "return to normal energy level" in the second tri?  I feel cheated.)  I'm feeling like I have to pee more often.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level.  Being able to enjoy food and eat whatever I want.  Sushi.

What I look forward to:  Seeing the babies at my next appointment on 9/22 and our anatomy scan on 10/7.

Moods: Generally good.  I can be irritable when my stomach is upset.  If I'm at work, I generally stay in the office with my door closed.  MM gets the worst of it when I'm home in the evenings, poor guy.

Milestones:  My belly looks pregnant!  Well, at least to me, though not yet to others.  I can feel my fundus (top portion of my uterus) just under my navel.

Medical concerns: None so far, thank goodness.

Sex?: Eh, maybe later.

Misc:  I want to include that we are already accumulating baby items!  In addition to some gender neutral clothing, towels and blankets my in-laws bought when we first learned we were having twins, we now have a bouncy chair, a swing, a Pack-and-Play and some beautiful handmade blankets.  Also, my in-laws very generously gave us a sizable check to cover all the necessities (in lieu of birthday & Christmas gifts for this year), so we are ready to really start shopping!

Now I just need to clear out our home office so it can become the nursery. . . . .