19 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

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I wouldn't say I'm thankful for having had the experience of infertility. How could I be? I wouldn't wish that experience on an enemy, let alone on myself.  At the same time, though, I am thankful for the perspective it's given me.

This morning I was perusing my "due date club" on an internet site geared toward moms and expectant moms and came across a post from someone talking about her "extreme disappointment" at learning that her second child is going to be "another" boy. She talked about how she felt "broken hearted and like God hates [her]" and on and on in this vein.

(BTW, it's worth noting that the poster's pregnancy was unplanned; she says she and her boyfriend conceived while she was on birth control.)

I have dreamed for years of having a daughter, but if both these babies I'm currently carrying turn out to be boys, I will still be thrilled if we have two healthy children.  I can understand a minor, temporary disappointment at not getting what you wanted, but crying "hysterically for 20 minutes"?  Questioning whether I "deserve happiness"?  Not going to hear anything like that here.

Yes, perspective is a good thing.

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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  I have now regained about 4 of the 9 lbs I initially lost. Overall change in weight: -5 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: I am wearing more and more maternity pants, though I can still wear some of my usual pants with the Bella Band.  Still wearing my usual shirts (though obviously not all of them).  One upside of being a plus-size woman: most of my regular clothes aren't very form-fitting, and blousy, tunic-type tops have been in style for a while.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: OK.  Getting up a couple of times a night to pee pretty consistently now.

Movement:  I've had that fluttering feeling in my lower abdomen several more times since last week.  I figure it must be the babies, based on the location and the difference between that feeling and anything I've felt before.

Cravings/Aversions: The only foods I'm "craving" are the things I can't have, like deli turkey sandwiches and sushi. Still not crazy about some cooked vegetables or dishes with sauces, but overall, I'd say my aversions are getting fewer.

Gender: We hope to find out on Friday!

Symptoms: Still some nausea, though I'm having more good days than bad days with that now. Occasional heartburn and bloating, but again, not as bad. Sore, darker nipples. I'm still having the pulling sensations across my abdomen which were new as of last week and an occasional sharp pain near my hip bones which I think is round ligament pain.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level, being able to eat anything I want.

What I look forward to: Anatomy scan on 10/7. Actually looking consistently pregnant instead of just fat (though I do think I'm showing more this week). MM being able to feel the babies' movement.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: I've read that the babies may be able to hear now.

Medical concerns: None so far.

Sex?: Eh.

Misc: Finally going to empty out the home-office-soon-to-be-nursery this Saturday.  Once that's done, I'll be able to order the crib and changing table and other baby stuff.  Not looking forward to the process but definitely looking forward to the end result.