Thursday, April 2, 2009

And so it begins

I just talked to the nurse in my RE's office about getting started for this cycle. I have to go in tomorrow morning at 9:30 for a (lovely) ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts. Assuming that the u/s is normal, I will then get a prescription for Clomid and start taking it beginning on Saturday for five days. We also scheduled a "mid-cycle" ultrasound for CD 14 to check on my follicles and see whether I am ready to trigger.

I have a couple of concerns that the nurse couldn't completely resolve for me. First, I think there is a strong possibility that I will ovulate prior to the ultrasound scheduled for CD 14. In all the cycles I charted, there were only three or four times that I ovulated later than CD 13, and I once ovulated on CD 11. She told me that I can call the office and come in for an earlier ultrasound if I see a + OPK earlier than CD 14. Thankfully, my calendar is not very full early that week, so I probably could reschedule if necessary, assuming the RE's office could get me in.

Second, if my cycle proceeds according to their predicted timetable, my IUI would (theoretically) be scheduled for a morning when I have a deposition scheduled. It's a deposition where I am the lawyer asking the questions, so there's no way that I can get someone else to take it for me. And there's really no way for me to reschedule it unless I want to tell the partner why I need to reschedule. . . . something I am not in favor of doing.

When I asked her whether the IUI could be done in the afternoon, the nurse informed me that they don't generally do them after 9:30 a.m. and that it was unlikely. She suggested that we could still do "timed intercourse" instead if that happens. . . . a suggestion that made me want to bitch-slap her, because why the hell would we even be at the RE's office if timed intercourse would get the job done for us? We've had 14 cycles of appropriately-timed intercourse with nothing to show for it!

I am not feeling at all optimistic about our odds of success with this cycle, and I am already feeling resentful about the time away from work and everything else. I've been crying ever since I called MM to tell him about the scheduling, and I can't seem to stop.

I feel like I am already not handling this process very well, and I have yet to take a single pill or shot. Hell, at this rate, I won't know if Clomid gives me mood swings or not!

I'm just not sure I can do this. I know that millions of women do this--and much, much more--for years. But millions of women run marathons or climb mountains or do any number of things that I cannot. Just because some people can handle this does not at all reassure me that I can.

So tomorrow morning I will take my first step down a path I've long said I would never walk. . . .


  1. It totally makes sense that you'd be emotional. If you are the attorney taking the questions, can you reschedule it yourself? Perhaps even show good faith by moving it UP instead of back. Do you have to be accountable to the partner for rescheduling? If so, just say that you are having a medical procedure done - and move it. Depositions have been moved for f-ing golf games for God's sake - this is much more improtant.

    You can do this. I know that.

  2. you can do this!!

    just fyi, my doc does ultrasounds beginning on day 10. depending on the size each day, they tell you to come in the next day or skip a day and come back. it may be worth pushing for an earlier u/s of you are concerned so you don't miss the egg.

    good luck! you can do this! i'm rooting for you!

  3. 2nd C's suggestion of asking for an earlier u/s. If nothing else it should give the RE a better idea of growth rate on your eggs, especially since this is your first evil-C cycle.


    from LFCA

  4. here from LFCA.

    Sending lots of hugs and support! You can do this!

  5. From LFCA

    The anticipation is much worse than the actual process, at least it was for me. It is also hard for men, and hard to get on the same page when it comes to IF treatment. My husband was also very optimistic (in denial?) but eventually, we both got to the same place.

    Take good care of yourself this cycle!


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