Friday, May 28, 2010


While doing a go.ogle search for something else, I ran across an interesting website:  It seems that its message is that having children is an irresponsible choice which is unfair to the planet and to the children themselves.  If you scroll about halfway down the page, the site also includes an interesting table citing the most commonly named reasons people provide for why they intend to have a child (or another child) and suggesting alternatives.

Clearly MM and I want to have a child of our own.  Given that the majority of people who read this blog are others who also are going through (or have gone through) their own struggles with TTC and IF, I am sure that just about everyone reading this feels the same.  Why else would we spend all this money and put ourselves through all this physical, mental and emotional stress?

I did find it interesting to read another perspective, one that I almost never consider.  It also made me wonder if there are any logical reasons to have a child.  I know there are loads of emotional ones, and I would freely admit that most of my reasons (and MM's reasons) are more emotion-based than logic-based.

Of course, not everything about life has to be logical.  Falling in love isn't usually logical.  Sometimes the other choices we make, like where we live, what we do to earn a living, and who our friends are, aren't logical either.

If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts.  Why do you want to have a child?


  1. You know that overused (but good) Gandhi saying "be the change you want to see in the world." That sums up my reason for wanting children. There are so many awful people out there. Why not try to make it a little better by adding some (hopefully) kind, caring people into the world? I hope this isn't coming across wrong (aka "my little darlings would be better than everyone") but that's been my rationalization for having kids.

  2. I thought that your post was very interesting and thought provoking.

    I guess I haven't really ever spent a lot of time thinking about the "logical" reasons of having kids. The first one that came to mind was to have someone that will take care of you when you are older or to pass down the family name, but those both seem a little selfish.

    I think nearly all of the reasons I can think of for having kids have emotional ties. Something my husband and I have talked about though is that we want our kids to contribute to society/be responsible people when they grow up. So maybe that could be a help make this a better place to live.


  3. Prior to having W, I spend a fair amount of time discussing this with one of my older friends (he has three grown children) and reached the conclusion that there is not one logical thing about giving birth to children. Post-W, I still feel the same way. It is the most intense biological desire and the most intense love imaginable, but from a logical perspective, I don't see any reason to give birth to a child. If you want to see change in the world, you can do more so by adopting a child. It is how you raise the child that matters. Having your own improves perhaps, but does not guarantee, that you will have a child who has a positive impact in the world. All that said, I think few people regret having their own child, logic or no. It is simply the desire to experience incredible love for another but I don't chalk that up to logic.

  4. The only logical reason I can think of: society as a whole has an obligation to produce a next generation, both to care for and preserve the legacy of the previous generation, and to continue the society in new directions. Not everyone needs to participate in the creation of the next generation, and in fact we have a problem (overpopulation) when the next generation is too large, but the other side of the coin is that without people creating children, one by one, there would be no next generation.

    No one gets to decide which people are the "right" people to have children, and because society needs for there to be some children, self-selection (i.e. having children if you want them) is the best mechanism for determining who should be parents.

    OK, end logic.

    I don't know why I want to be a parent. My body and soul are screaming for it and I know deep within myself that my husband and I have a lot of love to give.

    And the self-selection stuff I wrote above is to some degree bullshit because everyone reading this blog has self-selected as a parent...and look where that's gotten us!

  5. I've heard about this movement before, the human extinction movement, and I have to say, I just don't get it. They believe the planet is better off without us? I mean, I'm totally down with nature and all, but I kinda think humans are pretty darn cool. I mean, our natural inclination is to try and understand the world around us, to figure out why we're here, where did life come from, where did the universe come from, etc., and we're well on our way to answering these amazing questions... I believe that's a worthy pursuit. Maybe the most worthy pursuit. Could we be better caretakers of our planet? Absolutely! But I don't see it as a reason to advocate and pursue extinction.

    As for my reasons for wanting children - they are entirely selfish. I think children would bring great joy and fulfillment to my life and my husband's life and my extended family's life.

    Great post! Very thought provoking!


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