Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Should I stay or should I go?

Over the time I've been reading infertility-related blogs, many, many of the women whose blogs I've read have gotten pregnant, some more than once.  (Happily, many of them are parenting now and no longer TTC.)

When someone whose blog I had been reading for a while got pregnant, oddly enough, it never made me feel bad.  It didn't give me hope--because, although I know some people feel this way, that just isn't the way my mind works--but if I'd been reading the blog for a while, I'd form a sort of attachment to its writer and was happy for her.  Plus, by definition, she wasn't a "fertile who doesn't get it," so I had less difficulty digesting news of her pregnancy.

Many of these bloggers continued blogging throughout their pregnancies, and I enjoyed keeping up with their progress.  If I wasn't in a mental space on a given day to read about pregnancy, I would just skip that blog for a day or two until the mood passed.  Only on rare occasion did I stop reading an infertility blog entirely when it turned into a pregnancy-after-infertility blog.

I will say, though, that there have been times I have visited a blog for the first time, or visited a blog that I only visited sporadically, and when I found out that the writer was pregnant, I felt gut-punched.  Many is the time I followed a link from Stirrup Queens, or ICLW, or another blog's blog roll, only to find out that the blog was now all about pregnancy. 

When this happened, I wasn't looking for blogs about pregnancy-after-infertility; I was looking for blogs about infertility.  The last thing I wanted was another pregnant person in my life, even my online life.

Now that I am pregnant myself, I have mixed feelings about continuing to write here.  I don't plan to delete this blog.  It contains a lot of my very true and honest experiences from the past 2+ years, and in addition to wanting to preserve many of those for myself, I think my experiences might, in some way, be of some help to someone else going through the sh1tstorm of infertility.

At the same time, I started this blog to write about my infertility.  We had already been TTC for nearly a year when I started writing it, and it had become clear by then that getting pregnant wasn't going to happen easily for me, and maybe not at all.  While I was not entirely without hope that I might someday get pregnant when I started writing here, I did feel that the odds were against me.

So I never gave much thought to the question of "What will I do with my blog when I get pregnant?"  But I am thinking about it now.

I will, of course, at least update you all on the outcome of our ultrasound on July 11.  I mean, in my mind, despite two great betas, my pregnancy won't really be "confirmed" until then.  But after that, well. . . .

I put the question to you, my readers.  Should I continue to write about my pregnancy here?  Should I start another blog about the pregnancy and just come and write here when/if my infertility angst rears its head?  (If I do that, anyone who wants to read the new pregnancy blog would be welcome to, and I would totally understand anyone who didn't want to.) 

Does it bother you when you discover an "infertility" blog only to find out that its writer is already pregnant?  Do you think that the blogger should make it clear to first-time readers somehow?


  1. first, congrats on your second beta.
    I feel very much like you. If I am already attached to a writer, I can follow them thru their pregnancy journey- although I do not always comment since I am not always sure what to say. I do hope you continue to write, but know that you need to use this space for yourself and if writing does not help then maybe it no longer makes sense.
    I am finding comfort in your journey personally. we are very much wanting to explore DE and seeing you go through it has served as a good, and now hopeful, model for me.
    sending much love to you.

  2. Wow, I am impressed with your sensitivity to your readers. I think that a blog is a personal space for you to get out your thoughts and feelings and you should not have to stop because you are pregnant. Like you said, those that are not in the right place of mind, they will not read.

    From my experience, over the next 8-9 months you are going to experience a wide range of emotions and you may want or need this place

    Whatever you decide I will support you, uti will miss following along if you stop.

  3. I hope you stay. I didn't start my blog until after my experience with infertility and I wish I had recorded all the c*ap that happened. I enjoy your blog and I'd like to hear about your experiences once you are a mom.

    I read one blog that started like yours ... when she had her first child she renamed her blog by adding "... Part 2" to the title.

    I think you will have great insights to contribute to the "over 40" mom community ... it's a unique parenting experience in a lot of ways ...

  4. I vote new pregnancy blog. You might want to invite some real life friends to follow your pregnancy/parenting progress. You can always like to it from this blog so those who want to keeo following can, but your real life folks won't have access to this blog. Just my two cents.

  5. I also hope that you'll keep writing. It's totally different to read about someone's pregnancy after infertility than a fertile's blog about pregnancy. I LOVE reading about it, because it makes me hopeful for myself.

  6. Congrats!

    On behalf of an infertile that's still waiting, hoping, praying and fighting for her BFP, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy your blog very much. While most of the time I am a lurker, I have still had the chance to follow along and learn that my feeling are real and shared by many others. Whether you choose to continue to write here or not, I will always be incredibly thankful for your blog and others that have been so honest about the journey through infertility. I personally am hoping you continue to write about your next journey!

  7. I think its awesome that you're thinking about this. In my humble opinion, keep your blog, its your blog! I like it when people change the name so that its clear what the blog is about and when they write in the discription or somewhere obvious that it is a sucess after IF blog. The truth is that you'll always be an infertile, you earned that title after a year trying. It doesn't matter if you're a mom of 4 you'll always get us inferts better than any fertile out there!

    I'm just as interested to hear how it feels to be pregnant after losing hope and trying for so long so I'll keep reading for sure!

  8. I know that gut-punched feeling. But I also believe that my blog is my own space and creating a new one didn't quite feel right - because being pregnant doesn't cure infertility or magically make all of the angst disappear.

    As a previous commenter mentioned, I changed the header on my blog to make it clear. Because I don't want people to feel punched, but I also didn't want to 'leave behind' all of the stuff that made me who I am today.

    Whatever the decision, I'll be following along and wishing for only the best for you!!

  9. I'm a new reader and oddly enough I am 40 and have TTC for over 3 years and recently you found your blog. After 5 failed mini-stims with IUI's and 1 failed IVF cycle, my hubs and I decided to do a super-ovulation cycle with IUI (on June 6) And.... even more oddly....I found out I am pregnant AND the due date is Feb 29. My opinion.... keep your blog going until you know your pregnancy is a go... then decide. You just never know what the Lord has in mind. Don't make a rash decision. :-)

  10. I think it is up to the reader whether they are in a place of reading about pregnancy after infertility. This is your place to document your journey.

    If you are worried about strangers clicking on your blog and seeing pregnancy news, you can always notify "stirrup queens" and see if she can add PG in the notation next to your blog.

    I personally hope you continue to chronicle the happenings with the pregnancy. It has been a long road to get here, let us continue with your story!

  11. I think you should stay. Just because you are pregnant, doesn't mean you are no longer infertile.
    I do the same as you when it comes to blogs about infertility that are now pregnant. I actually prefer it when the authors keep blogging, because I know that pregnancy and parenting post infertility is not the same for us as it is for fertiles.

  12. Oh my gosh, I am so, so happy for you! I'm just so excited for you guys! I can't wait to read about your journey every step of the way, be it in this blog or another one. But I'd have to say, your title is about educating about the infertility journey, and your experiences with DE IVF are unique. You might have exactly the story another IFer needs to encourage them on their journey! But if you decide to start a new blog, please let us know where to keep following you!

  13. I hope you will keep blogging. I feel just like you -- when someone I've been following for a long time gets pregnant it's a wonderful thing. It can be very hard for me to comment on blogs about pregnancy, but I'll be reading!

  14. I had similar thoughts about keeping my blog vs starting a new one. In the end I just updated the blurb at the top so people who happened by would know where I stand. The thing I have most definitely found out is even after pregnancy and now parenting, I am still an infertile. Having a baby doesn't change that although it is much (MUCH) easier to deal with.

    I say do whatever your gut tells you to do. I would like to continue to follow you regardless of whether it is here or on a new blog.

  15. We will just follow you, no sense moving to a new one.

    Stay here. It is a long fucking ride and you need your friends around you.

  16. This is my first time to this site. I found it because you are a week ahead of me. I am 5w2d today. It has been five years this month that we have been trying. I say keep your blog and log all of your feelings that you want to share through this pregnancy. It is part of your journey to have a child. Congrats!


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