Today's post doesn't really have a theme or a coherent line of thought. Just a few thoughts which have been pinging around in my brain.
First, I need your help. I would really like to donate my Fol.list.im pen to someone who can use it. Not the drug itself; just the pen used to administer the drug. (You can see a photo of one which looks exactly like mine here. It comes in a handy dandy little case.)
I tried to donate the Fol.list.im pen to St. Mungo's for someone to use, but the nurse told me they get them for free from the manufacturer to provide to patients/donors. (My local clinic didn't offer that to me; I had to buy mine, and I think it cost close to $200!) I actually saw a stack of them near the procedure room before my embryo transfer.
Anyway, I know most of the people who read this blog--at least the ones who comment regularly--probably don't need this pen, but maybe you know someone who does. If we get far enough for me to need an u/s at our local clinic, and no one asks me for the pen by then, maybe I will see about donating it to my clinic. (Though I will be *really* annoyed if they tell me they give them to patients for free now, too, after I had to buy mine.) I would just like to get it out of my house, and it has value, so I can't bear to throw it away.
When I titled yesterday's post "Symptom Watch," I wasn't really referring to *my* being on symptom watch. . . . more that the family and friends who know about our procedure are on the lookout for symptoms in me. MM asks me a few times a day how I'm feeling, and I think my MIL is asking him, too. It's a natural thing, I suppose.
I think that the mild off-and-on cramping I noticed yesterday could well be a side effect of the PIO (though interestingly, I don't see uterine cramping listed anywhere as a side effect of this particular type of progesterone; I know it was listed as a Cri.no.ne side effect when I had to use that). That's why progesterone is the Devil: its side effects mimic any and all "symptoms" of early pregnancy. Still, I am "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise), so I'm choosing to go with my explanation for now. It may not be true, but it makes me feel good. ;-)
No cramping today, just a mild feeling of heaviness in my lower abdomen which just started in the past hour. My breasts are still a little sore, but much less tender than they were. I think my body is adjusting to the dose of progesterone I'm on, since it's been constant now for a week.
Overall, I am just trying to stay positive and calm and keep my mind off what may or may not be going on in my uterus. You would think that working full-time in an intellectually challenging job would be enough to keep me from obsessing. . . . but you would be wrong. Although I am taking a deposition this afternoon, and that will help a lot; I find that when I'm the one asking the questions at a deposition, that requires my full attention, so I don't think about anything but the task at hand.
I think the waiting is one of the hardest parts of infertility. And there is just no way around it.
[At one time, I probably would've said the loss of control, but after over three years of TTC, I came to terms with that one a long time ago. And realized that, really, it was only the illusion of control I ever had before anyway. I was never really "in control" of whether and when I would conceive.]
MM has been dead set on my "taking it easy" these past few days. He hasn't even let me walk the dogs with him in the evenings, as he has deemed it "too hot" for me to be outside, even after dark. (To be fair, my post-transfer instructions did include avoiding any activities that raise body temperature, especially for the first 72 hours, and it has been over 105 degrees for the high here the past few days.) He also hounds me about whether I am drinking enough water because we were told I should avoid dehydration. (I normally drink 2-3 liters of water a day and have continued to do so.)
I don't intend to do anything more strenuous than a moderately-paced walk or some basic yoga until at least after my first u/s (if we get that far), but not being allowed to do anything has been a little much. Still, I understand his concern, and it's kind-of sweet in a way. I imagine he will continue to be "up in my business" for sometime to come if our cycle works. ;-)
OK, going to try and get some work done.