Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Pregnant people

None of the partners in my firm know about our TTC efforts or our infertility--though there have been a few veiled comments since our wedding about whether I am pregnant or plan to have children--and I intend to keep it that way, for a variety of reasons. I am not a particularly private person in general, but I don't like to be an object of pity, for one thing.

If I were going to tell any of the other lawyers here about our efforts and lack of success, it would be "T," one of the partners for whom I work about half the time. T is a deeply religious man in his 60s who has been married to his wife--a 3rd grade teacher--for 40 years and has a grown daughter and a grown son, both of whom are married themselves. T is a very nice person. He is almost never in a bad mood--very unlawyerly in many ways--and is the type of person who makes a point of asking after his employees' health and families.

T has two grandchildren, aged 6 and 3: his daughter's two children who were both conceived through IVF. T's son and daughter-in-law have been struggling with infertility as long as I've known him (just over two years). They are the couple I was talking about here when I wrote about a failed adoption just before Christmas last year.

Today at lunch, T told me that his daughter-in-law is "finally" pregnant and due in June. He told me that "the prayers of many people have been answered" by this event.

You might think that this news would upset me, but actually this pregnancy announcement is the first I've heard in a while that made me feel nothing but happiness. Though we haven't been TTC as long as T's son and daughter-in-law and have endured nothing like what they did related to their failed adoption, I can well understand how they might have been feeling these past 2+ years and how ecstatic they must be to finally be expecting.

Funny how I've reached a point where only the pregnancies of the infertile (excepting close friends/family members) seem to make me whole-heartedly happy.

P.S. On a related note, I have seen three pregnant women at various stages in the past 24 hours, and the woman who did my pedicure yesterday shared that her daughter is pregnant with #2. When I asked the pedicurist how far along her daughter is, she said "about 5 minutes." She is due in late June and already telling people. She has an 18-month-old already and had no problems conceiving or during pregnancy, so I guess she figures a + HPT = healthy baby in 9 months. Ah, ignorance is bliss.


  1. Ahhh, I so know the feeling. I wish I had that blissful ignorance, but somehow I knew I'd end up here. Weird.

  2. I know what you mean iamstacey, on both counts. Since I 'came out' about our IF struggles to my family I have taken that ignorance away from my sister, for months she has been panicking in case she has the same issues that I do. I'm not sure whether knowing what can be wrong helps or not (will the increased stress actually hamper her rather than the information helping?).

    I am very pleased for T's son and family too, congratulations to them, and hurrah for the little bit of hope it makes me feel when good things like that happen. I haven't yet, in 2 years, heard a pregnancy announcement that didn't cause me some distress but I only have 1 IF friend who has since reformed (long story) and has built her family already. I hope that you and T carry on having a good relationship, maybe if you need to one day you'll tell him about you if you feel the need.

    I had to tell my big boss because of the frequency of hospital visits in the workday but that's it for me.

  3. I envy the relationship you have with that partner. There aren't any in my firm I'd feel comfortable sharing with (or know that much about). It's always nice when partners take the time to ask how you or your family is doing. Almost never happens around here. Therefore, if i ever make it to pregnancy, I should have no problem hiding it until around 6 months...or so i hope.

    I have the same reaction to pregnancy announcements. It's like i do a little subconscious calculation in my head to determine whether I deem the couple 'deserving' enough to have such great happiness and then my brain spits out an emotion: either "genuinely happy for them" or "angry, bitter, and not at all happy for them." The former does seem to be reserved for those couples who have had some trouble. I'm not proud of this, but that's how it goes I guess. Totally normal and understandable.


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