Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Does it never end?

The above arrived in my email inbox yesterday as part of an online invitation. The sender was someone whose name I had never heard, but the guest of honor is a friend of mine who I'll call "A". A and I first met when we worked together as prosecutors and continued our friendship after she left the office. We shared many of the same interests in movies and books, and she was going through a divorce when I broke up with my ex-fiance in March 2007, so we spent a lot of time together during the last several months I lived in Tucson before moving back to Phoenix in July 2007.

Needless to say, given the fact that I had no idea she was pregnant, since I moved to Phoenix, we haven't kept in close touch. To be fair, I think A would acknowledge that our lack of contact is more her fault than mine: there have been many occasions over the past 18 months or so that my emails or phone calls to her have gone unanswered. I'm not bitter about the fact that we haven't had regular contact; these things happen. People get busy with their own lives.

A met her current (second) husband around the same time I met MM. The last time I saw her in person, they had reached the point in their relationship where they were talking about The Future, but things were complicated by the fact that they lived in different cities. I knew from phone calls and emails that they married (also a "planned elopement") about two months after we did, but I haven't really talked to her since then.

So A is 30 weeks pregnant with a boy, due January 4. I am happy for her, but I have to admit, seeing this in my inbox stung.

(To be fair to A, she knows nothing of our struggles with TTC. She doesn't even know we are TTC, let alone with medical intervention.)

Oh well. Finding out that A is pregnant didn't bother me as much as finding out that two more of my law school classmates are also expecting


  1. AAARGGHHHHH!!! Constant reminders, intentional or not, suck! Feeling your pain!

  2. Here's what bothers me about that: She didn't think to let you know she was pregnant, but she thought enough to put you on the shower guest list?

    That would bug me. It would feel to me like I was important enough to attend the shower (and buy a gift) but not to get a personal email sometime in the last four months saying "Hey, guess what!"

  3. I gotta agree with the previous commenter... I think that is just plain tacky, regardless of your TTC issues, etc. I also understand the "things get busy" mentality, but come on -- who is TOO BUSY TO SEND AN EMAIL? That is just bad manners. Even if the email only says, "Hey, sorry I've been out of touch, life is crazy, I'll call ya when I can!" that is just plain rude and lazy to let emails and phone calls go without a response... yet then invite you to a shower.

    Sorry, that is a pet peeve of mine in my own life. I REALLY just don't understand how somebody can possibly be "too busy" to send an email. I think that's bs.

  4. I would have to agree with Just Me. It sounds like your "friend" is just trying to lengthen her baby shower list. Even if she is unaware of your TTC struggles, it still would have been nice to get that phone call saying she was pregnant.

    Hearing other's news always stings a little...I hope you start feeling better soon! ((hugs))


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