I found out that our donor's AF arrived, and she started her BCPs over the weekend. So we continue to be on track for a first week of June (or maybe last week of May?) embryo transfer! Once I get the "all clear" on my sonohysterogram on May 6, I will be able to start my lu.pron for our cycle ASAP!
I'm really excited. I knew our donor and I weren't far apart in our cycles--I started my BCPs Saturday--and I was hopeful that it wouldn't take much to synch us. On the other hand, I've read about women having trouble related to the donor's AF not arriving on time. So glad that hasn't happened to us!
On an unrelated note. . . a friend of mine posted a link to this website last night on Fac.ebo.ok. When we are going through IF, I think we all hope for a full-term, healthy baby. This poor little one was born at just 26 weeks and after six months in the NICU is battling stage 3 liver cancer. So sad! I thought sharing the link to her story was the least I could do to help this precious little girl.
[BTW, MM asked me not to tell him anything more about this story when I briefly mentioned it and said "I don't know why you'd want to read about something like that."]
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Versatile Blogger, Take 2
Recently I've been given the Versatile Blogger award by two readers, A Shadow of My Former Self and Krissi. Thanks, ladies!
I didn't want either of you to think I was ignoring you, and I'm flattered by the award. I did receive and post this award once before, in this post. In the interest of time, I'm not going to pass this award along again. And after over two years of over-sharing on this blog, there probably aren't too many things that people reading don't know about me! But I'll try to name seven.
1. My hair is naturally curly. I used to hate it when I was younger, but since my late 20s, I have let my hair be the way it wants to be instead of struggling against it. Since then, I have liked it more.
2. I love, love, love to read! Looking back, I wish I had become a book editor for my career. Maybe next lifetime.
3. I love cheese. There have only been a couple of varieties I've ever tried that I didn't like. I can pass up sweets, but if I find myself at a party with a cheese tray, look out!
4. I have never attended a high school reunion, and I never will. High school is not a time in my life which I am eager to revisit.
5. I wish I had been born with a trust fund. (Even before IF and DE IVF.) I think it would be great to choose how to spend my days solely on the basis of what I would love to do, rather than also considering what will pay a decent salary.
6. I loved school. . . the studying aspect, not so much the social aspect. If I had been born with a trust fund (see above), I probably would've been a professional student until I was at least 35.
7. When I was a nurse, I spent three years moving all over the country while working for a company which sent me to hospitals on short-term contracts. I lived in six different cities, and I loved "trying out" new places without being committed to staying there indefinitely. Had I not started law school, I likely would've continued doing this for another year or two.
I didn't want either of you to think I was ignoring you, and I'm flattered by the award. I did receive and post this award once before, in this post. In the interest of time, I'm not going to pass this award along again. And after over two years of over-sharing on this blog, there probably aren't too many things that people reading don't know about me! But I'll try to name seven.
1. My hair is naturally curly. I used to hate it when I was younger, but since my late 20s, I have let my hair be the way it wants to be instead of struggling against it. Since then, I have liked it more.
2. I love, love, love to read! Looking back, I wish I had become a book editor for my career. Maybe next lifetime.
3. I love cheese. There have only been a couple of varieties I've ever tried that I didn't like. I can pass up sweets, but if I find myself at a party with a cheese tray, look out!
4. I have never attended a high school reunion, and I never will. High school is not a time in my life which I am eager to revisit.
5. I wish I had been born with a trust fund. (Even before IF and DE IVF.) I think it would be great to choose how to spend my days solely on the basis of what I would love to do, rather than also considering what will pay a decent salary.
6. I loved school. . . the studying aspect, not so much the social aspect. If I had been born with a trust fund (see above), I probably would've been a professional student until I was at least 35.
7. When I was a nurse, I spent three years moving all over the country while working for a company which sent me to hospitals on short-term contracts. I lived in six different cities, and I loved "trying out" new places without being committed to staying there indefinitely. Had I not started law school, I likely would've continued doing this for another year or two.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
To be or not to be
A parent, that is.
Among those who have contemplated the question "to parent or not to parent"--as opposed to the many people who simply became parents with no advance contemplation of the matter--there appears to be a majority view and a minority view. There are those who want (or wanted) to have children--the majority--and those who do (did) not--the minority.
Of the people who want(ed) children, there are two subsets, one large, one small. The larger subset is composed of people who have had children or plan to have children and will have them with little to no difficulty (sometimes referred to here as "fertiles"). The smaller subset is people like me (and most of you reading this blog): people who do not have children, although they want them. Most articles I have read on the subject refer to the people in this smaller subset as "involuntarily chil.dle.ss."
People who didn't, and don't, want children are voluntarily chi.ldl.ess, or, as I believe is the PC term in some circles, "ch.ild-fr.ee." By virtue of my desire to have a child, to be a parent, I am clearly not on the same page with those who have remained chi.ldl.ess by their own choice. I "get" where those who have, or want, children are coming from in a way I don't "get" people who don't want children.
During the time that we have been unsuccessfully TTC, I have often had occasion to reflect on all the people I know, friends and acquaintances, who are parents. I know I have written on the topic here. Not surprisingly for someone who is 40 years old (and who has some friends a few years older than she), the majority of my friends who have wanted children, now have them. Sadly, heartbreakingly, I have a couple of friends who wanted children but couldn't have them. But most of my friends over 35--even over 30--who are chi.ldl.ess are chi.ldl.ess by their own choice.
I have been surprised, though, to reflect upon the people in my life who do not have children and do not want children. In many ways, they are not much different from MM and I. By and large, they are caring and compassionate. . . in any case, no less so than our friends who are parents. They give back to the community through their jobs and their volunteer work. Many are enthusiastic aunts or uncles. They are not more selfish than our friends with children, and they are usually just as busy as friends who have kids. . . just busy with different things.
I understand that the desire to procreate is partly biological. But what is the difference between "us" and "them"? Why is it that some people desire parenthood--desire it so strongly that they are willing to go to great lengths and great expense to achieve it--while other people have no desire for it at all?
I don't expect anyone reading this blog to have the answers to these questions. In a sense, I am posing this question in exactly the wrong forum: among people who desire parenthood. It's just something I've wondered about.
As much as I want to be a parent, there are times when I have wished I were one of those people who never wanted children. Because there are few things more painful than hoping for something with all your heart and never having that hope realized, than continuing to try to achieve something when the odds are stacked against you because you cannot bear to give up the trying.
Among those who have contemplated the question "to parent or not to parent"--as opposed to the many people who simply became parents with no advance contemplation of the matter--there appears to be a majority view and a minority view. There are those who want (or wanted) to have children--the majority--and those who do (did) not--the minority.
Of the people who want(ed) children, there are two subsets, one large, one small. The larger subset is composed of people who have had children or plan to have children and will have them with little to no difficulty (sometimes referred to here as "fertiles"). The smaller subset is people like me (and most of you reading this blog): people who do not have children, although they want them. Most articles I have read on the subject refer to the people in this smaller subset as "involuntarily chil.dle.ss."
People who didn't, and don't, want children are voluntarily chi.ldl.ess, or, as I believe is the PC term in some circles, "ch.ild-fr.ee." By virtue of my desire to have a child, to be a parent, I am clearly not on the same page with those who have remained chi.ldl.ess by their own choice. I "get" where those who have, or want, children are coming from in a way I don't "get" people who don't want children.
During the time that we have been unsuccessfully TTC, I have often had occasion to reflect on all the people I know, friends and acquaintances, who are parents. I know I have written on the topic here. Not surprisingly for someone who is 40 years old (and who has some friends a few years older than she), the majority of my friends who have wanted children, now have them. Sadly, heartbreakingly, I have a couple of friends who wanted children but couldn't have them. But most of my friends over 35--even over 30--who are chi.ldl.ess are chi.ldl.ess by their own choice.
I have been surprised, though, to reflect upon the people in my life who do not have children and do not want children. In many ways, they are not much different from MM and I. By and large, they are caring and compassionate. . . in any case, no less so than our friends who are parents. They give back to the community through their jobs and their volunteer work. Many are enthusiastic aunts or uncles. They are not more selfish than our friends with children, and they are usually just as busy as friends who have kids. . . just busy with different things.
I understand that the desire to procreate is partly biological. But what is the difference between "us" and "them"? Why is it that some people desire parenthood--desire it so strongly that they are willing to go to great lengths and great expense to achieve it--while other people have no desire for it at all?
I don't expect anyone reading this blog to have the answers to these questions. In a sense, I am posing this question in exactly the wrong forum: among people who desire parenthood. It's just something I've wondered about.
As much as I want to be a parent, there are times when I have wished I were one of those people who never wanted children. Because there are few things more painful than hoping for something with all your heart and never having that hope realized, than continuing to try to achieve something when the odds are stacked against you because you cannot bear to give up the trying.
Monday, April 25, 2011
IVF Financing
Does anyone else find it offensive that the same companies who offer loans for IVF are also lending money to people for cosmetic surgery, weight loss surgery, hair restoration, cosmetic dentistry, and LASIK? I guess that shows pretty clearly where the majority of people classify IVF: under the heading of "things it might be nice to do but are not at all necessary."
I don't know about you, but I don't place treatments needed to attempt to do what most people do without much thought or effort in the same category as medical procedures that are primarily geared toward looking better. (OK, I suppose weight loss surgery provides a health benefit to people who are morbidly obese and can't lose weight any other way. So in that sense, that particular procedure is not primarily geared toward looking better.)
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject. It's possible.
P.S. For what it's worth, I would never take out a loan for cosmetic surgery/dentistry or LASIK. To me, those are things I'd only do if I had the money in the bank to pay for them. But that's just me.
I don't know about you, but I don't place treatments needed to attempt to do what most people do without much thought or effort in the same category as medical procedures that are primarily geared toward looking better. (OK, I suppose weight loss surgery provides a health benefit to people who are morbidly obese and can't lose weight any other way. So in that sense, that particular procedure is not primarily geared toward looking better.)
Maybe I'm just sensitive about the subject. It's possible.
P.S. For what it's worth, I would never take out a loan for cosmetic surgery/dentistry or LASIK. To me, those are things I'd only do if I had the money in the bank to pay for them. But that's just me.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
You waited too long to have kids
As part of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24-30), Resolve has asked bloggers to post about an infertility myth and how it has affected my life or lives of friends and family members. Here is my post.
Myth: You waited too long to have kids.
Busted!: While it is true that fertility decreases with age, youth does not guarantee fertility. Many men and women in their 20s have infertility. And women in their early 40s can get pregnant and deliver healthy babies. However, if you know that you want to have children, the earlier you try, the less likely it is that you will have trouble.
I bought into this myth myself for a long time. My mother has told me this on more than one occasion. I'm sure many of my friends and acquaintances have thought this (though, fortunately, none of them has ever actually said this to me). I have thought it myself.
I even wrote here about the fact that I felt like a fraud for claiming to be infertile when "the most likely reason for our infertility is simply that I waited until I was too old to start TTC." Granted, I never tried to get pregnant before I was 37, so I really don't know if I would have been fertile when I was younger. I will never know.
In retrospect, I think that perhaps REs tend to fall back too readily on "advanced" age as an explanation for infertility in any woman who is over 35. . . particularly when there is no other explanation for why she can't get pregnant. It's true, as a general proposition, that fertility declines with age, but that does not tell us why an individual woman may be unable to get pregnant.
Really, there is just so much about fertility and conception that is not known or well understood. Which is why many couples with infertility get the "unexplained" label.
For a long time, I blamed myself for our infertility, and I felt really, really guilty about it. I've known since our second date that my husband wanted to be a father, and it seemed that his decision to marry me was depriving him of that opportunity. Likewise, his choice of wife was depriving his parents of the opportunity for grandchildren (he is an only child). I blamed myself for this.
Through counseling, I realized that our infertility is not my fault. Even if my age were the sole cause (and we know now it is not), it still wasn't fair to blame myself. I made the best decisions for my life with the information I had available to me at the time. It's not my "fault" that I didn't meet my husband until I was 36. It's not my "fault" that I chose to go back to school to start a second career at age 30. Plenty of women wait until they are 37, or even older, to try to have children and are able to conceive naturally, without medical intervention. (I seem to know a lot of them.)
So while it may be helpful, prospectively, to make young women aware that fertility declines with age, I don't think that blaming women who waited until over 35 to attempt pregnancy is fair or fruitful.
For more information, please visit the links below.
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/takecharge
Myth: You waited too long to have kids.
Busted!: While it is true that fertility decreases with age, youth does not guarantee fertility. Many men and women in their 20s have infertility. And women in their early 40s can get pregnant and deliver healthy babies. However, if you know that you want to have children, the earlier you try, the less likely it is that you will have trouble.
I bought into this myth myself for a long time. My mother has told me this on more than one occasion. I'm sure many of my friends and acquaintances have thought this (though, fortunately, none of them has ever actually said this to me). I have thought it myself.
I even wrote here about the fact that I felt like a fraud for claiming to be infertile when "the most likely reason for our infertility is simply that I waited until I was too old to start TTC." Granted, I never tried to get pregnant before I was 37, so I really don't know if I would have been fertile when I was younger. I will never know.
In retrospect, I think that perhaps REs tend to fall back too readily on "advanced" age as an explanation for infertility in any woman who is over 35. . . particularly when there is no other explanation for why she can't get pregnant. It's true, as a general proposition, that fertility declines with age, but that does not tell us why an individual woman may be unable to get pregnant.
Really, there is just so much about fertility and conception that is not known or well understood. Which is why many couples with infertility get the "unexplained" label.
For a long time, I blamed myself for our infertility, and I felt really, really guilty about it. I've known since our second date that my husband wanted to be a father, and it seemed that his decision to marry me was depriving him of that opportunity. Likewise, his choice of wife was depriving his parents of the opportunity for grandchildren (he is an only child). I blamed myself for this.
Through counseling, I realized that our infertility is not my fault. Even if my age were the sole cause (and we know now it is not), it still wasn't fair to blame myself. I made the best decisions for my life with the information I had available to me at the time. It's not my "fault" that I didn't meet my husband until I was 36. It's not my "fault" that I chose to go back to school to start a second career at age 30. Plenty of women wait until they are 37, or even older, to try to have children and are able to conceive naturally, without medical intervention. (I seem to know a lot of them.)
So while it may be helpful, prospectively, to make young women aware that fertility declines with age, I don't think that blaming women who waited until over 35 to attempt pregnancy is fair or fruitful.
For more information, please visit the links below.
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/takecharge
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The things we do
I stopped the drugs for my mock cycle a week ago today, and my period arrived on Wednesday. That means I will be starting birth control pills today and remaining on them until my cycle is synched with our donor's cycle.
Does anyone else find it ironic that taking BCPs is standard operating procedure for IVF cycles? I mean, I understand that they are just an efficient way of taking hormones and that they help "suppress" your ovaries to a certain extent. I just think it's funny that I will be taking a pill intended to do the one thing in the world we don't want or need to do: prevent pregnancy.
The things we do to try and get pregnant.
P.S. I must give a "shout out" to my sister V, who turns 38 today. Happy Birthday!
Does anyone else find it ironic that taking BCPs is standard operating procedure for IVF cycles? I mean, I understand that they are just an efficient way of taking hormones and that they help "suppress" your ovaries to a certain extent. I just think it's funny that I will be taking a pill intended to do the one thing in the world we don't want or need to do: prevent pregnancy.
The things we do to try and get pregnant.
P.S. I must give a "shout out" to my sister V, who turns 38 today. Happy Birthday!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Jinxes?
Several years ago, when my sister and her husband first decided to start TTC, I remember her telling me that he told her not to buy anything for their (future) baby lest she would jinx them. My sister disregarded this edict and bought many things that my nephew eventually used, including, but not limited to, a stroller, a crib set and a bajillion stuffed black labs. Out of respect for her husband's feelings, she hid the items from him until after they found out she was pregnant.
As it turned out, getting pregnant took them a lot longer than they thought it would. Coincidence? My BIL would say no.
MM gave me a similar directive when we first started TTC, and unlike my sister, I have actually abided by it, for the most part. OK, I've had two lapses: an adorable onesie that says "My brother is a Golden Retriever," and this adorable hat-and-onesie set. But they are tucked away in the back of a lingerie drawer, and MM didn't even know about them until recently, as I'll explain below.
The idea that buying items for an as-yet-unborn (or, in our case, unconceived) child can bring bad luck is not an uncommon concept. Years ago, I was a nurse at a small hospital which bordered the Navajo reservation. I recall working with a nursing assistant who had grown up on the reservation and still followed her culture's traditional practices. She was horrified when someone suggested to her during her pregnancy that we throw her a baby shower: in Navajo culture, it is considered bad luck to buy gifts for a baby who isn't born yet. . . such bad luck that it can even bring about the baby's death. (There are many pregnancy- and baby-related taboos in Navajo culture. Another I remember is that, in direct contradiction of other cultures' traditions, Navajos never name a baby after a deceased relative.) We ended up having a shower for her after her baby was born.
I've pointed out to MM that I think it's somewhat contradictory that someone like him, who eschews organized religion and is not-at-all-spiritual, should believe in something like a "jinx" or "bad luck." He countered that his belief in jinxes makes perfect sense because he is a worrier who always thinks something bad is going to happen.
As I've mentioned here before, two dear friends of mine are currently pregnant. Each friend is having her second baby, and I bought each friend a (different) gift from Uncommon Goods for baby #1. Uncommon Goods has some really cool gifts, including some very cute and unique baby items. I receive their monthly catalog, and MM was browsing that catalog last week.
Wouldn't you know, MM pointed out the very hat-and-onesie set I mentioned above and suggested I buy it for one of my friends. Not so surprising, I suppose; we have similar tastes, which is probably one reason we're married. Imagine my surprise, though, when he said "You should buy an extra one for our baby, too."
[--record scratch--]
In three years of TTC, MM has never once suggested I buy something for "Future Baby M." Not one time. In fact, on a few occasions when I have been tempted to buy an item while in a store with him, like a stuffed golden retriever or something similar, he has asked me not to buy it, even when I've said I will just give it to someone else if we never have a baby of our own.
Well, at that point, I had to come clean. I went into our bedroom and pulled out both onesies and confessed I'd had them for over two years. This revelation was met with a look of mild disapproval and a heavy sigh from my husband.
So what say you? Did I jinx us by buying two onesies over two years ago?
Do you have superstitions about these sort of things?
As it turned out, getting pregnant took them a lot longer than they thought it would. Coincidence? My BIL would say no.
MM gave me a similar directive when we first started TTC, and unlike my sister, I have actually abided by it, for the most part. OK, I've had two lapses: an adorable onesie that says "My brother is a Golden Retriever," and this adorable hat-and-onesie set. But they are tucked away in the back of a lingerie drawer, and MM didn't even know about them until recently, as I'll explain below.
The idea that buying items for an as-yet-unborn (or, in our case, unconceived) child can bring bad luck is not an uncommon concept. Years ago, I was a nurse at a small hospital which bordered the Navajo reservation. I recall working with a nursing assistant who had grown up on the reservation and still followed her culture's traditional practices. She was horrified when someone suggested to her during her pregnancy that we throw her a baby shower: in Navajo culture, it is considered bad luck to buy gifts for a baby who isn't born yet. . . such bad luck that it can even bring about the baby's death. (There are many pregnancy- and baby-related taboos in Navajo culture. Another I remember is that, in direct contradiction of other cultures' traditions, Navajos never name a baby after a deceased relative.) We ended up having a shower for her after her baby was born.
I've pointed out to MM that I think it's somewhat contradictory that someone like him, who eschews organized religion and is not-at-all-spiritual, should believe in something like a "jinx" or "bad luck." He countered that his belief in jinxes makes perfect sense because he is a worrier who always thinks something bad is going to happen.
As I've mentioned here before, two dear friends of mine are currently pregnant. Each friend is having her second baby, and I bought each friend a (different) gift from Uncommon Goods for baby #1. Uncommon Goods has some really cool gifts, including some very cute and unique baby items. I receive their monthly catalog, and MM was browsing that catalog last week.
Wouldn't you know, MM pointed out the very hat-and-onesie set I mentioned above and suggested I buy it for one of my friends. Not so surprising, I suppose; we have similar tastes, which is probably one reason we're married. Imagine my surprise, though, when he said "You should buy an extra one for our baby, too."
[--record scratch--]
In three years of TTC, MM has never once suggested I buy something for "Future Baby M." Not one time. In fact, on a few occasions when I have been tempted to buy an item while in a store with him, like a stuffed golden retriever or something similar, he has asked me not to buy it, even when I've said I will just give it to someone else if we never have a baby of our own.
Well, at that point, I had to come clean. I went into our bedroom and pulled out both onesies and confessed I'd had them for over two years. This revelation was met with a look of mild disapproval and a heavy sigh from my husband.
So what say you? Did I jinx us by buying two onesies over two years ago?
Do you have superstitions about these sort of things?
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