Friday, April 16, 2010

What if?

Stirrup Queens is organizing Resolve's spring advocacy project, Project IF. You can find more information here.

I submitted a couple of my own "what if"s in the comments on Mel's post--the first two, below--but decided later that I had other "what if"s I wanted to share. Here they are.

1. What IF I could have gotten pregnant once upon a time, if only I hadn’t waited until I was 37 years old to start trying?
2. What IF the fact that we cannot conceive a child together ruins my marriage?
3. What IF I am never able to accept living a childless life?
4. What IF my parents-in-law die without ever becoming grandparents?
5. What IF I am never able to stop being bitter about the ease with which others conceive their children?
6. What IF we gamble the $25-30K on donor egg IVF and it doesn't work?
7. What IF donor egg IVF works, and our child resents not knowing his/her genetic/biological history?
8. What IF golden retrievers are the only "children" I'll ever have to love and nurture?
9. What IF it turns out that my miscarriage in August 2009 was the only baby MM and I will ever conceive?
10. What IF it turns out that it was my weight, or something else within my control, and not my age, that made me unable to conceive? I guess I will never know.
11. What IF, despite my feelings to the contrary, I wasn't truly meant to be a mother?
12. What IF I am never able to believe in prayer, or G-d, again because no one answered our prayers for a child of our own?
13. What IF our insurance paid for fertility treatments? If my insurance paid for up to three IVF cycles, would I be willing to do IVF with my own eggs then? It would certainly take away one of our major objections: the gamble with a significant sum of money.

1 comment:

  1. what-ifs can be maddening. i hope and believe you will have a baby in your arms one day and those what-ifs you've listed will not exist.

    p.s. it is so frustrating that financing fertility treatments is a factor. it's a sad but true reality. insurance should cover much, much more!!


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