I've given a lot of thought to what to give our donor as a gift. I've read a lot about what other DE mothers-to-be gave their donors for a gift, and I've thought about what I might like to receive if I were in her shoes. (I should note here MM doesn't think we should get her a gift at all, as he feels that the $7000 she will receive for her time and effort is sufficient. Hmm. OK.)
I decided that I didn't want to give jewelry or anything permanent. Although we feel like we know the donor from her profile, we don't really know her. Gifts of that nature are very personal, and I think people sometimes feel burdened when they receive a gift they don't like which is intended to have sentimental value. I know I do. Also, we are the sixth couple for whom she has donated, and she is committed to at least one more cycle after ours. If each couple gave her that type of gift, that's a lot of jewelry!
I also thought of a gift card or spa products, but there again, we do not know her tastes. I know I have received lots of spa products over the years that I didn't like and never used, and I've received gift cards to places I don't shop, too. If we could get something we knew she would like, I think this would be a good option. But since we can't know for sure, I've ruled this out.
Ultimately I decided that we would just give our donor a large bouquet of fresh flowers on the day of the egg retrieval, along with a thank you card with a heartfelt note from us inside. I figure almost everyone likes flowers, and if she is sentimental, she can save the card. Really, our gift is intended to express our gratitude to her more than anything else because it's true that she is being compensated for her time and effort.
Here is what we plan to write inside our card:
Words seem wholly inadequate to express our gratitude to you for the gift you are giving us. Both of us have wanted to be parents for as long as we can remember, and it was devastating to us, both individually and as a couple, to discover that this might never be possible.
We have both been blessed in our lives with loving families, friends, education, and good health. Yet in spite of all this, we feel that our lives would be incomplete without the opportunity to experience parenthood. Your generosity will, we hope, give us that opportunity. It will also give MM, an only child, the chance to continue his family line and to finally make his parents grandparents.
Should we become parents through your assistance, rest assured that we will love our child unconditionally and do all in our power to help her become the person she was meant to be. We will treasure each experience with our child and never forget that his very existence is possible because of you.
With our sincere thanks,
MM & S