Last night I had a strange dream. The first thing I remember is that I had taken three home pregnancy tests, and they were all positive. Faint second lines--I understood in the dream that I was testing early--but clearly positive tests.
As I looked at the tests, it became clear to me, in a kind of flash-back fashion, that we had done IVF to achieve this pregnancy. IVF with my eggs. In this dream, I knew that we had had a failed fresh IVF cycle with my eggs where we had transferred two embryos with no resulting pregnancy. The BFPs I was seeing were the result of transferring our one remaining frozen embryo. On some level, I understood that this IVF cycle and subsequent FET hadn't cost us anything, though I don't know why.
In my dream, I had taken these HPTs early in the morning, and I waited for MM to wake up to share the results. When he saw the tests, he was not excited. He just told me, in a very matter-of-fact way, "I'll believe it when you've had a blood test and we see an ultrasound." (Note: this is contrary to the reaction MM had in real life for my one-and-only-ever BFP in August 2009.)
I remember feeling so happy that we could now use the money we'd set aside for a DE cycle for other things. We could give my in-laws back the money they had given us to help with our cycle. My happiness was so genuine that when I woke up and realized this was a dream, I had a moment of disappointment.
One thing that is clear from this dream is that IVF and pregnancy are very much on my mind, even my subconcious mind. One thing that isn't clear to me, though, is why my subconcious mind apparently thinks pregnancy with my own eggs is still an option (let alone IVF with my eggs).