Friday, September 19, 2014

I saw my donor today

Although our donor is technically "anonymous," I know a lot about her.  Not only do I have her profile with photos and a lot of personal information, you may recall that I also found a personal website about a year ago that revealed a lot of information about her (I posted about that here).  

So when I sat down at my gate at the San Diego airport this morning and she was there, I recognized her immediately.  I could hardly believe my eyes at first--thought my mind was playing tricks on me--but I didn't doubt for a moment that it was she.

It seems like such a huge coincidence that we were on the same flight.  There are eleven daily flights from San Diego to my city on that airline alone, not to mention others, and it appeared that she was just catching a connection in Phoenix.  Also, this trip was just a quick, overnight visit for business for me, and the first time I'd been to San Diego since our embryo transfer over three years ago.


What are the odds that she and I would be on the same flight?


It was really interesting for me to be able to see her "in the flesh," and although I was very tempted to talk to her, I resisted that temptation because I didn't want to seem like a creepy stalker.


Life is very strange sometimes.

Monday, September 15, 2014

#MicroblogMondays3

[WARNING: CHILDREN MENTIONED]

Our sons are so busy and fun these days.  I feel like especially since they started day care they are growing up so fast.

AJ is almost fully potty trained.  He rarely has accidents with #1 (only one in the past two weeks, and it was really more our fault than his), and he actually went #2 in the potty yesterday, after struggling with that for the past couple of weeks.  He is using more and more full sentences ("I need help," "I like muffins," "That's letter A") and adding new words to his vocabulary.

He still has his shy moments but overall he seems more confident and outgoing than he was before.  He continues to love playing with shape sorters and puzzles, cars, trains and fire trucks.

MJ is a dynamo.  He is obsessed with riding tricycles ("bikes," as he calls them), at home, at the day care and at the children's museum.  He also loves cars, trains and fire trucks and loves to run around and jump.  He talks non-stop and enjoys screaming, just for fun.  He tries to sing along with the songs he knows from his favorite shows, which is terribly cute.  He is very attached to Mama: he wants me to do EVERYTHING for him when I am home, refusing to allow Daddy to do anything, and he holds my hand when he is falling asleep.  He has flatly refused to potty train, though he can tell you exactly what is expected and will clap and cheer for AJ when he goes to the potty.

I am often exhausted and frustrated by them, but they really are wonderful and special little men.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Micro-Blog Monday: Is a good mother born or made?

This question is one that has been on my mind.  Discuss in comments.

(I have purposely left the term "good mother" undefined.)

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Job search update

[TODAY'S UPDATE IS UNRELATED TO INFERTILITY]

I found a new job.  I start Tuesday, the day after Labor Day.  So I will end up being out of work just a little over two weeks.  (And when taking into account the fact that I was paid for my unused vacation hours from the job I left, I actually only missed out on a little more than three days of pay, including the Labor Day holiday.)

My new job is at a small-ish, growing private law firm located a 20-minute drive from my house.  The firm opened two years ago with five attorneys who left a larger, long-established local insurance defense firm and in that time has grown to thirty attorneys in ten offices, with the main office the one in Sco.ttsd.ale where I will be working.  They seem to have a firm base of business and a lot of work, and they say they are happy to get someone with my qualifications (not only my legal experience, but my nursing background).

For my part, I am very relieved to have a job again.  I am not overjoyed at the return to working longer hours that will accompany returning to private practice, but I will make it work.  I *am* happy about the pay raise that comes along with returning to private practice.

Now I'm going to try to make the most of the three days off I have left before the weekend and a return to normalcy next week.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Adjustment and loss

[TODAY'S POST MENTIONS CHILDREN AND IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO INFERTILITY]

It's August 21st, and I have yet to post this month, so I am overdue for an update here.

In follow-up to my last post, the boys have adjusted to day care.  MJ actually ended up having a harder time with the adjustment than AJ, surprising both MM and me.  AJ was OK at drop-off by the second day, whereas MJ was still crying and clinging to me, as well as hiding in his room at home before leaving the house, as late as the start of the second week, poor thing.  But by midway through the second week, he was OK.

MM and I are happy with the center and glad we made the change.  They both seem to be enjoying themselves when we have gone there and observed them surreptitiously.  They are happy to see us at pick-up and in the evenings and talk excitedly about their day.

In other news, last Friday, I was let go from my job unexpectedly.  I was hired there on a probationary status for the first year, as is customary, and I had expected to be kept on as a permanent employee when I completed that first year.  Instead, I was told that I was being let go, with no notice and no explanation.

Needless to say, this development came as a shock and has left me at loose ends.  I am now looking for another job at a time when I did not expect to be, and I am under some financial pressure to find one quickly.

I began my job search in earnest almost immediately (by Sunday night, I had applied for five jobs), and I already have an interview lined up for next Tuesday, as well as several other applications pending.  I hope and pray that I am working again soon.

I won't say I wasn't upset about losing my job, but at one time, something like this would have absolutely devastated me.  Although the pressure to bring in an income is greater now than it was before I had children, at the same time, having my sons makes me realize that I am more than just my career. 

Losing a job is absolutely not the worst thing that could have happened to me.  I have my sons, my husband and my family.  I have good friends who have been wonderful, checking in on me and helping with job leads.  I have my health, and eventually things will work out.

Meanwhile, I am trying to keep my spirits up and take advantage of the unexpected free time to accomplish some back-burnered projects at home (like cleaning out the garage and finishing the boys' baby books).  We have kept the boys in day care--with financial assistance from my inlaws--because we didn't want to uproot them after they had just gotten settled, only to have to re-enroll them, perhaps even in another center, once I am working again.

Apart from the fact that the boys have brought home two illness in their less-than-30-days in day care--one nasty GI virus and a miserable summer cold--there isn't much else to report.  AJ and MJ are growing and thriving, and their happiness and welfare is our primary concern.

Life is just full of unexpected turns.  Thirty days ago, I never could have anticipated that things would be as they are today.

Let's hope that in another thirty days, I will once again be moving in a positive direction professionally.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Day Care

I'm surprised to see that it's only been three weeks since I've updated here. . . it seems longer, as we have had so much going on.

The biggest change in our lives is that the boys started day care today.  From the time they were born, we had intended to only keep them at home with a nanny until they turned 2 and then enroll them in day care for the socialization and structure at that time.  But when the time came to start investigating day care centers in preparation for that transition, they just didn't seem ready to me, AJ in particular, so we held off.

When the boys turned 2, AJ's expressive language was only at the 12-month level.  Between his speech delay and his shyness, we just felt that he would have a very difficult time functioning in a group setting.  (I'm sure some of the moms reading this post who have children in day care are probably chuckling, but that's how we felt.)  The cost was the same--actually, having a nanny was slightly cheaper for us--so because we didn't think he was ready (we thought MJ would've been fine), we decided we would hold off on starting either of the boys in day care until they were 3.

Over the past six months, though, AJ has made tremendous progress with his speech.  (It's not entirely clear to me if this is due to his speech therapy or simply the passage of time, or perhaps a combination of both.)  He has also become more confident around strangers (though he can still be shy or reticent at first).  And I have noticed that both boys have seemed a bit bored at home at times, despite our nanny's best efforts to keep them occupied and entertained with various arts and crafts projects and play.

What finally decided us, though, was a minor conflict I had with our nanny that made me realize how tense the employment relationship had become on both sides over a period of several months, for a variety of reasons (too long and, frankly, too boring to go into here; none directly related to her care of the boys, which was always very good).  It's funny how much we, as human beings, will tolerate in relationships of all types simply because we don't want to make a change.  It seems that we would all rather stay in situations that are less than ideal and sometimes downright negative than leave the situation and do something different.

Given that circumstance, in combination with the advances I've noticed with the boys over the past six months, we decided that it was a good time to make the leap from having a nanny to placing the boys in day care rather than simply hiring another nanny.  I was able to locate what I think is an excellent day care center located just over four blocks from my office, and in a span of less than 24 hours, I had toured the center and secured the two spots that were opening up today in the classroom for their age group.  (I lucked out in that two 2-year-olds were moving up to the 3-year-olds room today, making two spaces available.)

The boys and MM visited the center last Friday, and they all liked it.  I dropped the boys off for the first time this morning.  MJ was fine: he briefly asked me to stay and play, and when I told him I needed to get to work, he gave me a hug and kiss and went back to his toys.  AJ, on the other hand, tried to chase me out of the classroom and cried for at least 7 or 8 minutes after I left.  (ugh)

I'm sure that these transitions are hard for a lot of children, so I am hoping it will get easier for AJ as time passes.  We shall see.

Apart from this big change, the boys are also starting swimming lessons this coming weekend.  They are getting to be such big boys!

Monday, July 7, 2014

Pops and puzzles

The boys got to see fireworks for the first time on Friday night.  (Yes, I know, it's just shameful that this was my sons' THIRD Fourth of July but only their first time seeing fireworks.)  My father and stepmother live in a rural-ish area, so the boys were able to watch several neighbors setting off a variety of different types of fireworks right from the front porch swing.

AJ quickly realized that the "pop" sound the various fireworks made was quickly followed by the burst of light and colors he really wanted to see.  So after firework burst, he would turn to me and sign "more" and say "more pops?"

MJ referred to the fireworks as "Puzzles!  In the sky!"  Very cute.

Needless to say, both boys very much enjoyed the display (and were surprised to find out that no more fireworks were deployed for their entertainment when they returned to the front porch swing the next morning).  Even though they were already up more than an hour past their usual bedtime, MJ dozed off while watching (due to having refused to nap on the drive to Papa and Nana's house), but I think AJ would've stayed awake another hour or so watching if he had been allowed to.

We had a good visit with Nana and Papa for the weekend. . . apart from the fact that MJ's usual bull-in-a-china shop ways led to the destruction of three pieces of his grandparents' property (a folding door, the pull string on a ceiling fan and a figurine that is now headless) and his ingestion of half a multivitamin.  (AJ, though inquisitive, was his usual quiet, docile self.)  The one "upside" to the havoc MJ wreaked is that MM and I are optimistic that it may have persuaded my parents to visit us at our house instead of theirs for the foreseeable future.

I would hardly describe the visit as relaxing--MM and I had to supervise our sons constantly--but I did get to visit with an old friend I don't see often for a half-hour or so (that's when MJ bit into the Geritol pill), and it was good to see my dad.  And now we are home, likely for the rest of the summer.

Back to work and the usual routine. . . .