Friday, December 16, 2016

Anyone out there?

It has been nearly a year since my last post here. Although I wrote in my last post about whether I should abandon the blog or continue to post here, I don't know that I necessarily made a conscious decision to completely quit the blog. It was more that it had begun to feel like one more task that I couldn't quite stay on top of and that I felt I had moved far from my original reason for beginning to write here: infertility.

There have been a handful of occasions during the past year when I have had thoughts that I would have liked to share with. . . someone. . . but those thoughts didn't seem appropriate for this space. They were either musings about current events, the challenges of motherhood, or other topics that have nothing to do with infertility. And while I know that plenty of other infertility bloggers write about these topics (and I have, too, on occasion), I just didn't feel right doing so.

I consider my infertility "resolved." I am nearing 46 years of age, and we do not intend to have more children, for several good reasons. I have talked with my sons in a rudimentary way about the means of their conception, and they get it. . . as much as two not-quite-5-year-olds can.

Our sons are doing great. They will be 5 next month, and they bring us so much joy (and frustration, at times). Their personalities are night-and-day different, and they don't even look like twins these days. Being their mom is fun, most of the time.


I know several of my former followers have found me on Fac.ebo.ok (where I post photos of my sons engaged in various activities on a pretty regular basis). If you are reading this post and would like to connect, email me at the email address in my profile.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2015 Recap

In looking back over 2015, I see that this post is only my 37th of the year. That's less than a post a week and the lowest yearly total I've had since starting this blog back in 2009.

I sometimes think that I should just shut this blog down entirely, as I seem to post here only sporadically and the posts I do share are hardly a true (or at least complete) reflection of my life or my feelings. In looking back at my posts over the past year, it appears that I only occasionally post about my sons and/or motherhood and most often just post random updates about what is going on in my life.

Plus, the reason I started the blog -- infertility -- is no longer an issue in my life. I have been a mother to my sons for nearly four years, and for a variety of reasons, we do not intend to have any more children. I will be 45 on my next birthday. So while I am technically probably still infertile, I am far from being in the trenches anymore.

So as I recap 2015, I am giving some consideration to whether I should even continue to post here. Most of the time this blog just feels like one more thing I can't keep up with these days. . . .

1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?
I rode the Polar Express with my sons.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any new year's resolutions for 2015 and don't intend to make any for next year.  I've come to believe that, for me, all resolutions do is set me up to fail.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hmm. Not anyone close to me, but a couple of friends had babies, and a couple more are due next month.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
Same answer as the last two years: I need to exercise more so I can have more energy and better health
7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No particular date stands out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I seem to have finally found a job where my skills and abilities are appreciated (and compensated financially). That's a first for me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure.  I feel like I am failing at *something* nearly every day. . . .
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. I was hospitalized in late April/early March due to sepsis and have also had several less serious illnesses throughout the year, including some nasty colds, a GI virus, bronchitis and an eye infection.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Adele's new CD, 25.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Once again, to child care expenses (almost as much as to our mortgage)
13. What did you get really excited about?
Taking the boys to the Polar Express
14. What song will always remind you of 2015?
Bad Blood (which MJ calls "the fighting song")
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? about the same
– thinner or fatter?  ever so slightly thinner
– richer or poorer? slightly richer, thanks to a raise and an unexpected bonus
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
18. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my family: husband, kids, mother and inlaws.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't have one.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (spoiler: it didn't change my life), The Girl on the Train, The Giver (surprisingly, I had never read it) and Bel Canto
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Adele's new CD
22. What was your favorite film of the year?
Hmm. Probably Spy
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Husband took me out to dinner and (inadvertently) spoiled my evening (I blogged about this here). I turned 44.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A two-week spa retreat.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
26. What kept you sane?
Chatting with other mothers of small children who work outside the home. It's nice to know that there are other friends dealing with the same challenges as I am.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.
I can't do it all. It's foolish to even try.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Happy Holidays!




Wednesday, December 2, 2015

I think I'm ahead

I'm so far behind at present, I think I'm ahead. Work has been exceptionally busy for the past 6 weeks or so, with no end in sight. Add in my sons and the holidays, and I am feeling quite swamped.

Here are the main things going on in my life of late apart from work:

  • Traveled to Mi.ami Be.ach for work and got one glorious night of uninterrupted sleep in a hotel right on the beach
  • Had a good Thanksgiving with my mother and my inlaws (I only prepared one minor side dish!)
  • Celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary the Saturday after
  • AJ insisted we put up our Ch.rist.mas tree on Monday, so now it's on display
  • Took the boys to a local reptile sanctuary over Thanksgiving weekend, and they loved it. (MJ held a king snake, and AJ actually LICKED a green anaconda after petting him for a while.)
  • Taking the boys on the Po.lar this coming Saturday
  • A dear friend is pregnant with her third, and I'm attending a sprinkle/lunch in her honor Saturday before we leave for the northern part of the state
  • Have done some shopping for the boys' presents but none for anyone else. At least I have an idea of what I'll buy. . . .
  • Sent out my holiday cards. I used to love doing a family Ch.ris.tmas letter, but I simply don't have the time these days, so folks just get a photo card from us
  • Have been working on organizing my digital photos in anticipation of printing them all (I crazily signed up for the "Embrace Your Phone" course which targets this issue in early November)
  • Started the 21 Day Fix on Monday, and so far, so good. Long overdue to eat more healthfully and exercise more regularly! I need to do something to have more energy
If I make it to February 1 with my sanity intact, I will be very grateful!

Friday, November 13, 2015

Little Boys of Three

Look tenderly on little boys of three;
Their softness is as fleeting as a flower,
The cheeks like petals such a little hour,
The deepest dimple, theirs so transiently.

Even tomorrow softness may be hard;
The little cotton cushions on the knees,
Turned into bony knobs for climbing trees,
The fists, so like a rose, grow lean and scarred.

His full moon cheeks will narrow to a line,
The silken hair becomes the brush of bristle,
As mother's little flower turns to thistle,
And there will linger not one little sign

To prove the cuddly cupid that was he;
Look tenderly on little boys of three!

~AUTHOR: Isabelle Bryans Longfellow 


Thursday, October 22, 2015

Top Ten

These are the current top ten most commonly heard phrases from our sons, age 3 years 9 months:

10. Because I said so 
9.  I'm not your friend (only by AJ) 
8.  Can somebody wipe my bottom?
7.  I want a treat
6.  There's no monsters? (only by AJ)
5.  Watch this, Mom!
4.  I want to watch something on the TV (only by MJ)
3.  I want to buy that!
2.  I'm thirsty (or hungry)
1.  Why?

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

When It Rains. . .

it pours. Monday night MJ woke us up with a croupy cough and wheezing. And then AJ woke me up with ear pain (he'd had ear pain and fever earlier in the day as well). And MM woke up vomiting.

Because MM was so sick himself, it fell to me to take the boys to their pediatrician first thing in the morning on Tuesday. (Fortunately, the NP was able to examine them both even though only AJ had an appointment.) AJ was diagnosed with the expected ear infection, and we learned that the tube has fallen out of his right ear. MJ was diagnosed with croup and a sinus infection. Antibiotics were prescribed for both, as well as a dose of steroids for MJ.

I missed a group firm photo for a local magazine (as well as most of a day's work), but that's life. On the upside, all three of them are much improved today, and everyone is back to work/school.

The one saving grace was that I am about 95% recovered from my own illness. Had I still been sick also, it would have really been a rough day.