Saturday was my birthday, and MM took me out to dinner to celebrate. Just after we ordered our meal, he thoughtlessly made a comment touching on something that really upset me. . . to the point where I had to leave the table because I was about to burst into tears. (This topic is something that we have previously agreed is to be a closed topic, and I am not posting about the details simply because (1) they don't really matter for the purposes of this post; (2) they are extremely personal and sensitive; and (3) explaining them would make this post WAY too long for a microblog post and take me too long to write.)
I am not generally a crier, so the fact that what he said made me cry is, in and of itself, noteworthy. In short, his thoughtless, offhand comment ruined my meal and basically ruined the evening.
My husband is, in the main, a good person and a decent husband. He is also an excellent father. However, things like this make me wonder sometimes if being married is worth it.
After talking with him about it, I do believe that MM's comment at dinner was not intentionally made to hurt my feelings. But it didn't make it any less hurtful. And there are few other people in my life who would be allowed access to knowledge of my inner life that would allow them the ability to hurt me in that way.
And even if a friend or family member had that knowledge, at the end of the day, I could return to my own home and my own space, away from that loved one. Not so with my husband.
I don't know that I really have a point, and this post is already too long and much too heavy for Microblog Mondays, so I will simply close by saying that marriage is one of several parts of adulthood that hasn't really been what I thought it would be.
I'm sorry your birthday dinner sucked. I imagine you don't get many nights out kids-free. I know I don't.
ReplyDeleteI will say that I agree with you on marriage. It's hard not to look at other couples' marriages at times and think it's no doubt better as well, even though we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. My husband isn't very thoughtful, affectionate or romantic. I've told him this makes me feel like his roommate. I 've told him more than once. It is what it is. He's good with other things so.... yeah. No point here either :)
I could have written this comment. Word for word.
DeleteI can really relate to where you're coming from. In all of my personal relationships - marriage and friendships - I have such a hard time being vulnerable. It's almost like once I've spoken what is in my innermost being, I regret it. I have no answers or solutions, but I have been there and have had the same visceral reaction. So sorry that it had to happen on your birthday.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. :-(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your birthday dinner was ruined and that your husband was so thoughtless. I can commiserate about marriage not really being what was originally expected.
ReplyDeleteHi S, happy birthday. I am sorry that your hubs made an insensitive comment and ruined your birthday dinner. Relationships can be so difficult. I hope the rest of the day was better and that you are able to celebrate yourself.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is the hardest thing I've ever done. Its constant work, on both sides.
ReplyDeleteIt is like I tell my husband at times, "you can love someone but you can't always live with them".
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your birthday meal was ruined like that. Sending a hug.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had to have a negative experience on your birthdays of all days. Hugs to you. Marriage post kids is so much work. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever get back to being fun and easy like it was before kids....
ReplyDeleteOne of the hardest things about marriage (with or without kids) is realising that the other person will think and say and do things that will hurt, or that we simply can't understand. They're not us. Sometimes that infuriates me, sometimes I've very pleased about it! (Married 31 yrs)
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