Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sign from the universe?

(I wanted to title this post "F*&ked Again," but the use of the F word in the title of a post on an infertility blog seemed wrong on several levels.)

I had my mid-cycle u/s to check my follicles this morning (nothing like a vaginal u/s to start your Sunday morning). I had forgotten that my clinic wants me to POAS before the u/s, instead of between 10 and 11 a.m. as I do on other days. Yesterday's OPK was negative, but this morning's OPK, performed at the clinic just before the u/s, was an obvious positive.

My u/s showed two good-sized follicles, one 19-mm and one 21-mm. We scheduled an IUI for 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. I should be psyched, and I was for about 20 minutes. . . .

And then I realized as I was driving home that I have to go out of town for work in the morning. It is an appointment with a physician expert in another city that has been set for over a month, and I cannot reschedule: for one thing, I can't reach the expert by phone until after I should already be in route to her office tomorrow, and given her schedule and the status of the case, there's a 99% chance I couldn't reschedule anyway. Plus I am not attending alone; one of the nurse consultants from our firm will also be there, and she only works part-time and thus is difficult to schedule out-of-town appointments with. (Ironically, this meeting is on the same case for which I had to reschedule a deposition in April due to conflict with an IUI.)

So once I got home, I went ahead and took my trigger shot because I figured even if we are just doing timed intercourse, I still need the hCG to make both those follicles release their eggs. I called my clinic and left a message on the "nurse line" cancelling tomorrow morning's IUI.

In recapping the three cycles since we've started treatment, I've observed that the first IUI fell on a day when I had a deposition scheduled that had to be moved. Our second cycle was a non-starter because my husband screwed up and didn't pick up my Clomid on time. Now this cycle we are unable to do IUI because of a work schedule conflict.

I might find this all more understandable if I were one of those lawyers who is frequently out of the office, but lately I have spent 80% of my time sitting on my ass at my desk, reading, writing or researching. So it seems to me quite a coincidence--and not a happy one--that something has come up to throw a wrench in the works every one of the three cycles I've had since we decided to start intervention.

I can't help but think that perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe this G-d's way of letting me know that I shouldn't be doing intervention at all, not even Clomid + IUI. Maybe it is a sign that I am truly not meant to ever get pregnant and that I should just accept that fact and move on with my life.

I'm still waiting for a call back from the nurse at our RE's clinic to let me know what they want us to do. I'm thinking that she will say timed intercourse.

Oh well. Looking on the bright side, at least we won't be spending the money for an IUI this month. That'll save us $130 in co-pays and save our insurance for another try.

5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry! That is terribly frustrating. We've always done timed intercourse and even that always seems to fall at the worst times. Hang in there and hopefully TI will work...

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  2. damn! what luck, that sucks.
    could you do timed intercourse monday and then an IUI on Tuesday? you ovulate 36 hours after the trigger, so it could still help...

    good luck!

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  3. ugh, hoping that the timed intercourse does the trick this month but you are right it sucks! hang in there!

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  4. I'm so sorry. :( I hope this month works out for you.

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  5. Just to play devil's advocate. . .or maybe it's a sign that your priorities need to be realigned until you get PG. Depo's and important meetings, while a huge pain in the ass to reschedule, really CAN be rescheduled. The world won't end if you cancel on your expert. You might just have to stop putting everyone else in your professional life before yourself, if you want this to work. And please understand, I mean this in the most supportive, loving, one-Type A-career-woman-to-another kind of way. There will always be more depo's, experts, cases, and partnership opportunities, if that's what you want. But your chances to have a baby are finite.

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