Friday, June 12, 2009

My husband

Thanks for the comments on my last post about the Clomid side effects. It's nice to read that others have had similar experiences; makes me feel less like it might just be me losing my marbles. ;-)

I was thinking today about some of the things I love about my husband, and in the spirit of trying to post something a little more positive than my usual fare, I thought I'd share some of them.

We are both going through a difficult time emotionally related to our inability to conceive, which can make it hard to focus on the positive. Although most of the time I am now in a state of grim resignation about our infertilty, MM is still in the anger stage of grieving about it. (The fact that his job is supervising felons who tend to be super-fertile probably doesn't help. For example, he was telling me a story last night about a 25-year-old meth addict client of his who has an eighth grade education and six children, only two of whom are still in her custody.)

Though I love him and I know that he loves me, I do believe that knowing we would be unable to become parents together might have changed his mind about becoming involved with me in the first place. I don't take that as reflection upon me, personally, but rather as a reflection upon his strong desire to be a father. MM was 34 years old when we met; he was more than ready to settle down and start a family. If he had known when we first started dating that he couldn't have a child with me, I suspect that he wouldn't have pursued the relationship. (Truth be told, if the tables were turned, I probably wouldn't have either.)

But regardless, here we are. And despite our infertility, I love MM and am happy that I married him.

One of the things I love about my husband is that he is really great at reading people. He can spend a couple of hours with friends of mine I've known for years and perceive things about their personalities and relationships that it took me months to learn. I value his opinions of people because I know he will have insights about them that will elude me.

Although his neatnik tendencies sometimes drive me crazy, the result of them is that he does more housework than I do. (He does draw the line at cleaning the bathrooms.) You gotta love a guy who cleans! And despite his abhorrence of clutter, he has learned to accept that I am not as neat and organized as he is.

MM realizes my worth and believes that he is lucky to have me. Just the other night, he told me that he would never leave me for someone younger/prettier/thinner because if he did, he knows he would regret it because he would never find anyone with whom he could have the kind of relationship he has with me. He sees me as smart, together, and real. He can be himself with me, without reservations.

Best of all, MM makes me laugh nearly every day. If it's not something he's said, it'll be some little spontaneous dance he'll do or his interaction with the dogs or something. He's quite funny but he only displays this quality in certain settings. I'd suspect that the majority of his co-workers have no clue about his goofy sense of humor.

I could post more but will stop here.

3 comments:

  1. Such a sweet post. Thanks for sharing and being real here as well. It is an encouragement.

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  2. That is a really sweet post. It struck me when you said MM was angry about the infertility because in my experience men get angry in response to nearly all frustrating situations. I think women tend to get sad, but men get angry. Hopefully everything will work out (and soon) but I hope that no matter what you all will have a long and happy marriage.

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  3. You guys are lucky to have each other - knowing that you'll always be there for one another can give you the stregth to make it through a lot of things.

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