Next level

After getting my BFN this morning, I called and left a message on my clinic's nurse line. Per our RE's instructions, I actually only have to call if I get a BFP; otherwise, I am supposed to just wait and call on CD 1. But because I anticipated doing a different treatment protocol next cycle (adding injections), I wanted to call early and make sure that everything will be ready for next cycle.

I heard back from the nurse in the mid-morning--which in and of itself was a surprise, given that I usually have to wait until the afternoon for a call back--and she told me that the doctor had not left instructions for our next level of medications. She has asked him to prepare a protocol for me and said she would call me back. She did say that he usually uses Clomid 50 mg along with Follistim as his standard IUI + injections protocol.

I am optimistic that by the time AF arrives, we will have a plan in place. The last cycle I used progesterone gel, it delayed my period, and it didn't arrive until five days after my BFN. So I figure I have a few days yet before I will need to be concerned.

At this point, I don't know how much the next treatment cycle will cost. This morning MM expressed his concern about how much this is starting to cost us (with no results), and we agreed that I would find out the exact cost and what portion insurance will cover prior to starting next cycle and that we will make a plan of how we will pay for it.

Oddly, I wasn't even sad at this morning's BFN. I expected it. I have reached a point where each new failure is met with a feeling of grim resignation rather than sadness. MM wasn't as sad as our last treatment cycle either, though he did say he felt frustrated. I really didn't feel much of anything except "oh, of course."

Neither of us is sure how long we want to keep doing this. I don't know how some couples pursue treatments for years and years, even doing multiple IVF cycles. We feel beaten down by just over a year of unsuccessful TTC. Still not sure we will ever go past IUI, and I think MM is moving more toward thinking of child-free living, too.

I'm glad I don't have to use that progesterone gel any more! Yuck!