Saturday, February 23, 2013

PAIL Bloggers Monthly Theme post

As usual, I'm a bit late to the party, but this post is part of PAIL's February monthly theme post.  You can find other posts on this theme here.

As a lawyer and someone who should (at least theoretically) know better, I am a little ashamed to admit that neither MM nor I have a will.  We have occasionally discussed drafting one since our sons have been born, but life is hectic and we have never gotten around to it.

We have talked about who might raise our children in the (we hope unlikely) event that we both die before they are grown.  Although we have discussed the matter, we have not come to a definite decision.  Our two top candidates are my sister and brother-in-law, and my BFF.  There are pros and cons to each option.  The main "cons" to having my sister and her husband raise the boys are that they live on the other side of the country, so that would mean a HUGE change for our sons, on top of many other life changes they'd be living through if we died, and the fact that they already have a child of their own, my nephew R.  The main "cons" to having my BFF raise the boys is that she is unmarried and may find the notion of instantly becoming a single mother to two children a bit daunting (though I am sure she would perform admirably, and we would provide the financial resources, through life insurance, for her to do the job).

We do have life insurance, so we are not totally unprepared.  These are things we need to talk more about and about which we really should come to a decision.  One thing about which we are an agreement: none of our parents are really candidates to be our sons' guardians due to their advanced ages and various physical infirmities.

In terms of the home and community in which we live. . .we live in a modestly-sized home in a family-friendly suburban neighborhood in a good school district.  I believe our home is more than adequate to accommodate our family indefinitely, though I know that MM thinks that we will "need" a bigger house when our sons get a little older.  (What I have come to realize is that my husband is the one who needs a little more space, LOL.)  We have no immediate plans to move to a larger home.  Given the current state of the real estate market in our area, doing so wouldn't really be an option for us even if we wanted to, as we, like most other people we know, are majorly "upside-down" on our mortgage.  (Comparable homes in our subdivision are selling for 70% of what we paid for ours four years ago, and there have been a few foreclosures within a block or two of us also.)

We also have no plans to move from our current city.  MM's job is here; he has been with the same government employer for fifteen years and plans to stay with that employer until retirement in five to ten years.  Our city is the largest in our state, which means that it has the most jobs, and this state is the only one in which I am admitted to practice as an attorney.  For me, moving to another state might mean that I would have to take another bar exam, something I would like to avoid if at all possible, for a number of reasons.  Additionally, MM's parents retired to the same metro area where we live in order to be close to him, as he is their only child. . . and now that grandchildren are in the picture, I know they would be very sad if we moved away.

MM and I have talked about possibly moving somewhere else when we are both retired.  But that is years and years down the road.  Our sons won't graduate from high school until I am 59 years old, meaning that they likely won't finish college until I'm closer to 63-65 (depending upon how long it takes them).  I'll definitely be working until they're done with school, at least.

I am actually a planner by nature, but one lesson that infertility taught me is that you can make all the plans you want. . . that doesn't mean that they will come to fruition.  And even if they don't, it'll still be OK.


  1. Long-time reader and first time commenter here. My husband and I didn't create wills until we went away for a weekend without our son when he was 15 months old. If we hadn't been flying, I probably would have put it off even longer. However, I'm a little freaked out with air travel. :) It's a very difficult (and somewhat morbid) task to decide who is best fit to raise your child/ren. We ended up going with my sister and brother-in-law.

  2. Thank you for posting this. It got my husband and I talking about the need to get a will in place. Choosing who would take care of the babies is a very difficult topic. It's not pleasant to think about, but it is certainly necessary!!


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