Monday, August 6, 2012


WARNING:  parenting and children discussed.


No, this post has nothing to do with cloning as a means of reproduction.  Rather, I am thinking of cloning myself in order to be able to manage everything in my life.  (Although that idea didn't work out too well for Michael Keaton's character in this movie.)

My life is incredibly full, and I am very happy.  It just seems that I no longer have enough hours in the week to get everything done.  Between the minutiae of daily living--laundry, pet care, meals, etc.--and work and parenting, I seem to have no time left over. 

Work obviously sucks up a large portion of my waking hours, and taking care of the boys seems to use up most of the rest of that time. I don't want to "outsource" any more of the boys' care than I already do, since that is the part of my time that I enjoy the most, and I can't realistically cut back on work. 

Being more efficient at work wouldn't even solve the problem, since I am required to bill a certain number of hours every year.  (One of the evils of private practice, in my opinion. . . . no real incentive to be efficient since the client is paying for your time.)
Yesterday I neglected to call one of my oldest and dearest friends for her birthday.  I didn't forget her birthday entirely--I had mailed her a card a few days prior--but I believe this is the first time in over 20 years of friendship that I haven't called and sung her the birthday song on her day.

I neglect other friends by not returning their phone calls or checking in with them.  I have a dear friend living across the country whose father is slowly dying of cancer, and while I have called weekly on average to check on her and have sent her a couple of "Thinking of You" cards, I wish I could be doing more.  A year ago, even at the height of feeling crappy while pregnant, I would've been doing more.

My father wants me to visit him in September, and I would also be able to see the friend mentioned in the paragraph above if I did (she grew up in the city where my dad lives and will be there visiting for her mother's 80th birthday).  But the thought of how behind I would be on everything at home if I went away for a weekend is more daunting than the prospect of a six-hour car trip with the boys.

I haven't even attempted to take on any new volunteering since getting pregnant a little over a year ago.  (Coincidentally, my six-and-a-half-year commitment as a court appointed advocate to a little girl in foster care ended the month before our IVF cycle.)  I miss it, and I feel like a bad person for not being able to fit it in.

I've thought about cutting back on sleep, but that's not realistic for me.  I need at least 7 hours a night to function, and if I get over-tired, I can't concentrate at work and am more prone to migraines.  (I was hit with a bad one last Friday, and I wasn't even sleep-deprived.)  As it is, I have not followed through on my plan to work out four days a week, choosing to sleep an extra hour a night instead.

Hmmm.  Cloning is not the solution, obviously.  I don't know what is.  Probably just accepting that I can't do it all. . . . . and because work and parenting are non-negotiable, accepting that I am going to be a crappy or absent friend/daughter/volunteer for a while.


  1. I know this is all coming my way soon too, and I just can't imagine. Although right now I don't work full time in that I get 2 afternoons/week off. That will be asolute saving grace I do believe. Without that option, I don't know what I would do! I am sure those in your life know you are doing what you can!

  2. Cut yourself some slack.

    The first year with twins is HARD. Really hard. Really time consumingly hard.

    But you know what? The house won't fall down from being not clean. Laundry doesn't fall apart sitting in a basket. It's ok if you eat a little more frozen foods and takeout. It doesn't doom you for life.

    It will get better. And then you will find more time for all those things you remember from pre-kids.

  3. I completely sympathise with this - and I only have one child!! How you manage with twins, I have no idea. Life is totally work and child - and I too am feeling like a crappy friend. If you find a solution that doesn't involve less sleep or cloning, let me know!

  4. Even if it doesn't feel like you are doing as much or as well as you would like-- you are doing so great juggling it all!! I have 1 year old twins in my immediate family and watching it, I agree- first year (wonderful as it is) is SO hard. I think it will get a tad easier. You are doing awesome, don't forget it!

  5. #1 love that cheesy movie! #2 Amen, and I have a singleton. Not enough hours in the day, nowhere to cut. But, the things that are most important - the kid and the job thay supports the kid -to get taken care of. The rest? Well, they'll just jave to be patient and I have to accept that I can give half of myself to lots of things or all of myself to a few things.


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