Thank you all for your comments on my last post. (And especial thanks to Jay, who posted the link to the upcoming Resolve adoption seminar in our area.)
MM's epiphany was very oddly timed. I was just beginning to feel totally at peace with the idea of doing donor egg IVF, thanks to all the research and reading and three counseling sessions. (I had even emailed the coordinator at our chosen clinic to get more specifics about timing, what is needed prior to starting a cycle, etc.) Well, it is what it is. We all come to these things in our own time.
Even we don't end up adopting and still end up choosing DE IVF, I think it is good to explore all options before deciding. And as a friend of mine pointed out, MM's willingness to consider adoption shows his commitment to becoming a parent.
I have been doing a little research online about domestic adoption and have been gathering information from women who have faced a similar choice themselves. So far, I can see pros and cons to both options, but I don't want to come to any definite conclusions (or post about my preliminary thoughts) until we learn a little more about the nuts and bolts of domestic adoption. We are signed up for an informational seminar on November 6th, and that is just around the corner.
I certainly feel, and have felt for some time, that I am in the midst of a transition vis a vis our "journey" to parenthood. (I really hate that term, but as long as arduous our path has become, it seems apt. I realized earlier this week that, had I conceived my first month off the pill, as many women do, I'd have a toddler by now.) I mean, we are not doing any treatment or even really actively TTC at this point (having given up hope of success on our own). We are not committed to any specific future course, and aside from a lot of reading, thinking and talking, the only step we are currently taking to "advance the ball" is saving money. (Either DE or adoption is not cheap.)
Now, in addition to that LONG transition, I am in the midst of a professional transition as well. I have felt edgy and mentally "off" all week as the reality of actually leaving my current job and starting a new one (next week) has set in. I have a long but manageable "to do" list of things I intend to complete before I leave my current position but am having a hard time jumping in with both feet to get it all done.
Change is good. It is an inevitable part of life. And in this case, the change is one I want, one I actively sought out. I think it is a good move for me professionally. Nevertheless, I can't help feeling unsettled and having mixed feelings about leaving my current job.
I'm sure that, in a few months, when I feel settled in my new position and MM and I have come to some decision about which path to parenthood we will choose, I will feel less flustered. At the moment, though, I am a little out of balance.