The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination. ~Marian Zimmer Bradley
Ever since we made our (rescheduled) appointment for our consultation at our new clinic (hereafter "St. Mungo's," for reasons to be explained soon), I have been feeling very hopeful, sometimes to the point of giddiness. Maybe it's because for so long I had no hope and had almost despaired of ever being a mother. Maybe it's because I have spent a lot of time waiting around over the past several months without any action, and it feels good to finally be doing something to move in a positive direction.
I saw something today which gave me even more hope. The SART Report for 2009 is out, and the results (for us) are great! St. Mungo's has an even higher success rate for 2009 for DE than previously reported: 85% for fresh cycles and 69% for FETs. Praise technology!
When I first started feeling hopeful and excited, my initial thought was to hold myself back. I mean, the more I get my hopes up, the more I will be disappointed if DE IVF doesn't work, right?
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I will be really disappointed no matter what if it doesn't work. Not only will we have kissed around $30K goodbye (and will be still paying a significant chunk of that total off each month), we will have essentially exhausted all our options. . . . or at least all the options we feel comfortable with and can afford. Sure, we might get lucky and have some frozen embryos for another try with a FET, or MM may come around to the idea of donated embryos. . . . but as it stands currently, we are pinning all our hopes on this DE IVF cycle.
(We even talked yesterday about the fact that, if a fresh cycle and any subsequent FETs don't work, this is "it" for us. We will cross that bridge if/when we have to, and I hope we don't come to it.)
So I decided I might as well enjoy these positive feelings while they last, since the fall is going to be just as miserable regardless if it fails. It's been such a long time since I did something to try to get pregnant that I actually thought might work! Probably since we first started treatment with our first or second IUI, I'd think.