Yep, the feelings I wrote about in yesterday's post were, in fact, denial. AF made her unwelcome appearance just before I went to bed last night. Another short cycle: only 25 days. Oh well. Now that we are planning to do DE, the approach of menopause really doesn't matter. . . not that I have any control over it either way.
I had an hour-long phone conversation with the third-party coordinator at our new clinic yesterday. She was great and answered all of my questions. I was heartened to learn that she concurred with the reasoning behind my choice of donors, and she had very positive things to say about our first choice donor who, as of yesterday, was available, yea! (We are using an in-house donor because they have a good in-house program, and it is slightly less expensive--and less cumbersome--than going through an agency.)
I hung up the phone feeling so positive and even a little excited about taking this step. Yes, I know intellectually that DE may not be a magic bullet for us. Logically, I realize that a clinic with an 80% success rate still has 1 couple in 5 go home without a take-home baby. But I feel much better about those odds than I do about anything I've done (or could be doing) with my own eggs.
I can't believe I am looking forward to gambling $30K+ on a treatment cycle. Infertility has, indeed, warped my brain.
So actually, this month I don't care that it's CD 1 again. My next CD 1 will be the start of my uterine evaluation cycle, and assuming that goes as planned, the next cycle after that will be coordinating with our donor's to move forward with our treatment cycle. Even if we hit a snag or two along the way, we are only a few months from FINALLY doing something (again) to actively work toward having a baby of our own. . . . and this time, it'll be something that has a much greater chance of success than failure.
What a good feeling.