Awful day

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've lived through in a long time.  We lost my beloved golden retriever Sebastian.

Those of you who have been reading this blog long enough may remember the problems we had with our two golden retrievers two summers ago.  (I wrote about them here, in case you don't remember or weren't reading then.)   Happily, after an initial difficult adjustment period of a few months, Hunter and Sebastian became good friends.  They happily played and wrestled together every day.

What happened with Sebastian was very sudden.  On Wednesday night, he was his usual self.  When we woke up yesterday morning, he was lethargic and refused his food for the first time in his life.  Luckily, I had stayed home sick with a migraine (which awakened me at 2:20 a.m.), so I was able to take him to the vet promptly.

As Sebastian's condition deteriorated before my eyes--he went from seeming a little sluggish to being unable to get in and out of the car in a couple of hours--visits to two vets finally yielded a diagnosis.  Sebastian had a fast-growing tumor called a hemangiosarcoma in one of the chambers of his heart which had burst and caused a cardiac tamponade.

We were told that the immediate problem of the fluid in the sac around his heart could be treated but that the tumor would continue to grow and that the fluid would eventually come back.  It could happen in hours or days, and there was no way to know for sure how long the procedure would buy him.  There was no treatment which would cure him, though, and get him back to normal.

So we made the difficult decision to let Sebastian go.  MM and I were both with him at the end, and he seemed very peaceful.  Two vets told us that they didn't think he was in pain; he just had a hard time breathing.  So he didn't suffer very much or for very long.

MM and I are both so sad that he's gone.  At home, there are constant reminders of him.  I woke up early this morning to use the bathroom and then couldn't stop crying because Sebastian wasn't there next to my bed or coming into the bathroom to get petting.

Mine is obviously not an unbiased opinion, but I think Sebastian was an exceptional dog.  He was smart, mellow, friendly and fun, all the things a golden retriever should be.  I loved him very much and miss him terribly.

Sebastian  10/23/02 - 6/30/11

Goodbye, my loving and faithful friend.

Doggy update

Although I posted an entry for Sebastian's birthday, I haven't written about how our dogs are getting along for a while. Given the fact that my Bad Karma Dog post garnered more comments than any other post I've written on this blog, I must believe that people are interested in an update.

In short, they are doing well! We had to make certain changes in our interactions with them--like removing all toys/chewbones from ready access and teaching them to sit and wait for food or to go outside--but it has paid off in spades. We have had only one fight in the past three months, and that was nearly two months ago, when I foolishly bought them the rawhide chews with "real meat" inside. (Hunter finished his first and decided he wanted Sebastian's, too, and was willing to take it by force.) There is no more tension, and no more "mad dogging" from either of them.

We were away for a week in late September, and the boys stayed home with twice-daily visits from their dogsitter. (They also have a dog door so that they can go in and out as they please throughout the day.) When we returned home, they seemed to have bonded in our absence: suddenly they were wrestling together like (overgrown) puppies, lying with their paws touching, and licking each others' faces.

An old high school friend of mine was staying with us when the "dog troubles" began in early July. She returned for another visit last week and was amazed at how well they are getting along. Here is a photo of her and "the boys."

And thank goodness, Hunter's "black cloud"/"bad karma" seems to have dissipated. (Knock wood.) He has had no health issues since their medication overdose in July. His tail fracture healed without complications, and he is now pain-free and has full use of his tail. He has leaned out and lost about 4 lbs since we brought him home. His coat and skin look healthier, and even his teeth are whiter. (I did take him to my church's St. Francis Festival last month for a blessing, just in case, though.)

Sebastian is his usual self. It's sad sometimes to see how much he has slowed down over the past few years due to his mitral valve insufficiency, but he is still pretty spry most days for an 8-year-old golden and contented with life.

So there's my update on the goldens. No longer causing drama, and continuing to bring joy and entertainment into our lives. ;-)

Happy birthday, Sebastian

Today is my dog's 8th birthday! Though I've noticed him slowly becoming less active over the past couple of years (which we now know is due to mitral valve insufficiency), it's hard to believe he is 8.

Since I adopted him when I was 31, still single and childless, Sebastian has been the recipient of all my maternal love and affection. Like many women, I wanted to be a mom before I was in a position to even TTC. Some people may consider it strange or sad, but in some ways, Sebastian has helped to fill the void in my life caused by not having a child of my own to love. I don't know what I'd do without him; he has brought me happiness every single day that he's been in my home.

Here are a few of my favorite shots of "my boy" from over the 7+ years I have had him:

The day I brought him home from his rescue foster home, August 25, 2002

Taken during a professional shoot we did in December 2003

Another shot from the December 2003 shoot

On the beach in Rocky Point, July 2008

A random day with a stuffed toy, fall 2007 (pre-Hunter: they don't get stuffed toys now to avoid fights)

Welcoming Hunter and sharing his "comfort couch," May 2009 (Sebastian is the one in the back)

Bad Karma Dog

Hunter (left) and Sebastian, the morning after the fight where my arm was injured

This post will be totally non-TTC-related, but with all the drama going on with our dogs, I feel a need to write about it.

I have had Sebastian for nearly seven years. I adopted him from a local golden retriever rescue organization when he was 10 months old, at the start of my second year of law school. My previous dog had passed away several weeks before, and my house seemed empty without a dog. I had wanted a golden retriever since college, and although I felt a bit guilty about getting a purebred dog, my guilt was eased by adopting a dog from rescue. (It was also much cheaper than buying a purebred golden puppy and thus within the budget of a full-time student.)

Sebastian is a wonderful dog. He is friendly, extremely smart, and lovable. He was exceptionally easy to train and earned his "Canine Good Citizen" certificate by 16 months. Sebastian thinks everyone he meets--human, dog, even cat--is his new best friend.

Here is Sebastian at the beach in Puerto Penasco last summer at low tide:


When MM and I met, he told me after our third date that he was allergic to dogs. This revelation actually annoyed me at the time because we met on an online dating website where my profile had prominently displayed photos of my large, hairy dog. For a while we were both worried that he and Sebastian would never be able to live together because of MM's allergy, but with a visit to an allergist and three daily medications, things have been fine.

Despite his allergy and advice from the allergist, MM never even considered asking me to give Sebastian away because he knew I wouldn't. Sebastian is like my best friend, companion, and child.

In law school I lived with a friend who had a Dalmatian older than Sebastian. The two dogs were about the same size and were best buds. After I graduated and my friend moved in with her boyfriend (now husband), Sebastian and I lived on our own. I could tell that he missed having a buddy in house, and I often thought that someday, when I could afford a house of my own--it's hard enough to find an apartment that will allow one 75-lb dog, much less two--I would get him a companion.

MM and I moved into our house last September. Ever since before we moved in, we had been talking about the possibility of getting a second dog. We looked into getting a miniature Schnauzer (MM's childhood dog's breed) and a beautiful 2-year-old German Shepherd whose owner was moving out of the country and had to give him up. MM talked about our buying a golden retriever puppy, but I was against a puppy because they are too much work. . . . not to mention the expense of buying one from a reputable breeder, the only way I would go (in our area, it would cost $1200-1500).

In April, MM finally agreed with my idea that adopting a second golden retriever from Sebastian's rescue group would be the way to go. We could get a slightly older dog who would be past the puppy phase (but not past his/her prime), and do a good deed by giving a dog who needed one a home. (Not to mention that this route would be cheaper than buying a puppy.)

After a few weeks of waiting and checking the "available dogs" section of the group's website, Hunter was recommended to us by the volunteer who had done our home study. We (and Sebastian) met Hunter at a local dog park and really liked him. We were told that he was about 4 years old, that his previous owner kept him in the backyard to be used as a stud for his breeding operation, and that he was slowly getting used to living inside, though he was still anxious about many things. It was thought that going to a home where the resident dog was calm and secure would be a steadying influence on Hunter.

Here is Hunter on the first day he came to live with us as our foster dog:


Hunter is a very loving and lovable dog, but after the events of the past few weeks--crowned by the Rima.dyl incident on Monday night--I have secretly dubbed him "Bad Karma Dog." (MM says that nickname is mean and gets annoyed when I use it. . . . but I believe it is apt.)

In the first several weeks in our home, Hunter had a variety of problems, some of which we had expected and some we had not. He gradually got over his fear of MM (he is afraid of men) and his anxiety over every "strange" sound in our home. He caught on easily to housebreaking and has had only two "accidents" ever, the first on the day we brought him home. We had expected all of these things due to his history.

I made reference in this post to some of Hunter's history and problems. By the end of June, Hunter had healed from his earflap surgery, his facial paralysis and skin excoriation had resolved, and he was seeming generally more confident and comfortable. MM and I were congratulating ourselves on what a good deed we had done in taking him in. It was about that time that he injured his tail and the fights between the two dogs started.

After having a trainer come to our house, the boys have been getting along a lot better. The tension level between them is much lower, but at the same time, we have had to make a few changes in the way we interact with the dogs to achieve this and will have to continue them.

As of the writing of this post, the jury is still out on whether Hunter will lose his tail due to his fracture: the vet believes that he may lack sensation to some areas. As a result of this injury, Hunter has been on two pain killers, Rimadyl and Ultram, for over two weeks.

When I arrived home from work Monday night, Sebastian greeted me with the vial of Ultram tablets in his mouth--thankfully, untouched. I then saw that the Rima.dyl vial, which had contained 23-25 tablets that morning, was ripped open and empty on a dog bed. A quick call to pet poison control revealed that ingestion of this whole vial would be a 50-fold overdose for either dog, and because I had no way of knowing who ate what, I rushed both dogs to the emergency vet clinic.

This latest escapade, which has required a 48-hour hospitalization for each dog to prevent liver and kidney failure from Rima.dyl overdose, has cost us about $4000. An aneurysm nearly burst in MM's head when he realized what the cost of treatment would be; he has a huge aversion to debt. We have been saving this money for other things, like fertility treatment or a trip to London which MM is longing to take.

All told, Hunter has probably cost us close to $6000 since we adopted him. So much for thinking that adopting from rescue was a more economical route than buying a puppy from a breeder. Though I suppose a puppy we bought could have issues, too. (Look at Marley from the book Marley and Me.)

Because I never had a single dog-related problem or unanticipated expense prior to adopting Hunter, I can't help but attribute all this expense to his arrival. Maybe I just got off light with Sebastian all these years; who knows?

Even worse than all the unexpected expense is what poor Hunter has had to go through. In the span of only three months, he has been neutered, had kennel cough, had surgery for removal of a earflap he.ma.to.ma, has experienced unexplained right-sided facial paralysis for nearly two weeks, developed severe skin excoriation in reaction to bandaging after his surgery, and currently has a hairline fracture at the base of his tail that may lead to amputation of his tail. Now he is hospitalized for treatment of a Rima.dyl overdose and at risk for liver and kidney failure (though by last report early this morning, both dogs are doing well).

It almost seems that a little black cloud follows Hunter around. We know that he was neglected in his first home, and we believe that he was abused also. (Some of his reactions, especially to men and to loud noises or sudden movements seem to indicate that he's been yelled at and hit.) On top of all that, he has had now had to suffer through more health problems than lucky Sebastian has experienced in his entire nearly-8 years of life.

MM and I love Hunter; he is very sweet. We are not entertaining the idea of returning him to the rescue group (as some might suggest after all these problems). In fact, we are investing even more money in him by starting him in a 6-week basic obedience class beginning this Saturday in hopes of further building his confidence.

But when will the drama and expense end?

Dog troubles

Thank you for the comments on my last post. I do intend to investigate the possibility of finding a counselor accustomed to helping people struggling with infertility. I had intended to do it this past week, but life got hectic.

Although it's totally off the topic of TTC, I'd like to post today about one of the things that has been making life hectic. . . . some problems that we've been having with our dogs. Just to update on the TTC front: AF arrived on 7/3, about when I thought she would and during the time I'd marked as a no-go for this next cycle. So our efforts this cycle will be nothing but having sex, and I will move on to an IUI + injectibles cycle in late July/early August.

We have been dealing with some awful things with our dogs, two wonderful Golden Retrievers. The older one, Sebastian, has been my dog since August 2002. He will be 8 years old in October. Sebastian is a typical Golden in that he loves everyone and is extremely intelligent and eager to please. He was diagnosed with mild mitral valve insufficiency at his annual check-up in March; so far, it has only caused him to have a little activity intolerance.

At the beginning of May, we adopted Hunter from the same rescue group from which I got Sebastian. We are told that Hunter is 4 years old. Prior to coming into rescue, Hunter's previous owner kept him in the backyard and used him as the stud for his backyard breeding operation. He had never lived in a house until a few weeks prior to coming to live in ours. Based on his behavior and reactions to various things, we are 99.9% sure that his prior owner was abusive. He certainly yelled at the dog and, we believe, likely hit him also.

For nearly two months, Sebastian and Hunter got along great. They play-wrestled together, slept together, shared toys & chew-bones, went on walks and to the park.

Hunter has had a lot of problems since we adopted him. He came to us having been exposed to kennel cough--which he developed within the first few days of coming to our house--and with a small earflap he.ma.to.ma which grew large enough to require surgery to remove it. Post-operatively, he developed right-sided facial paralysis which lasted about a week and then gradually resolved on its own.

The last weekend in June, MM and I were talking about how great it was that Hunter was finally healthy and well and feeling very good about having adopted him. We were discussing how much more confident and calm he was becoming as he settled in and felt better.

I guess we spoke too soon.

On Sunday 6/28, another dog ran into Hunter's rear end at the park when both were running to catch a ball. We knew that Hunter was hurt because he yelped several times and refused to get up from where he'd been knocked to the grass for a few minutes. Eventually he stood and walked home, and his gait seemed fine.

Over the next few days, we noticed that Hunter was slow to get up and down from sitting and lying down. We still thought that he was bruised or had strained a muscle in one of his legs. We continued with his daily walks, though we stopped taking him to the park for fetch after one session two days after the collision obviously caused him pain.

Thursday night I fell asleep on the couch during the news, and MM let me stay there and went into our bedroom on his own. He left the dogs in the living room with me. A little after two in the morning, I was awakened out of a deep sleep by growling, snarling, and snapping. My first thought was to break up the fight, and I stumbled over in the dark and grabbed the waist of the first dog I touched (who happened to be Hunter). In the process, I was bitten on the left hand and right forearm. (Yes, I know: my own fault for jumping in the middle of a dog fight.) My right forearm in particular is still, three days later, deeply bruised and swollen and quite painful.

This event was so uncharacteristic of both dogs that I knew right away that something must be wrong. I took Hunter to the vet the following day and learned (after $600 of diagnostics) that he has a hairline fracture in one of the bones at the base of his tail. He is on two strong painkillers, prophylactic antibiotics, and rest for two weeks. He must return for a repeat x-ray in two weeks, and if the fracture does not heal on its own, they will have to amputate his tail. Poor lamb.

Since Thursday night's fight, the dogs have gotten in one other fight (over food, initiated by Sebastian!) and have been split up once for growling at one another, though no fight resulted. This type of behavior is so unlike both these dogs, and MM and I have been totally stressed out about it. MM is afraid that Hunter (being younger & stronger) will seriously injure or kill Sebastian, and I can't say his fear is unfounded.

I have a call out to a dog behavior specialist recommended by our vet. I am hoping to set up a home visit where someone can come out and work with us and help us fix this situation that has developed.

In additional to the tail fracture and the fighting, we learned the hard way Saturday night that Hunter is afraid of fireworks. I felt like such a dumbass because, what with all his other anxieties, I really should have guessed. Though to be fair, it is illegal to set off your own fireworks in our city, and we don't live anywhere near any of the approved shows. Regardless, apparently some neighbors a few doors down were setting off small fireworks. . . . the type that make a lot of popping sounds.

We arrived home to find the bottom half of the molding around our front door ripped off and parts of it chewed into small pieces on the floor. Hunter tried to claw his way out through the wall next to that door; he dug through the drywall all the way to the studs in places, leaving a huge pile of plaster dust on the floor and plaster stuck on his fur and claws. There were little smudges of blood on the floor and on the wall and molding, too, as he had cut his pads trying to claw out of the house. All told, he did an estimated $500-600 worth of damage.

I felt so horrible for Hunter when we arrived home and saw what he had done. How terrified he must have been to cause such damage! He was still panting heavily and drooling everywhere when we got home. . . . two things he does when scared, as we learned the first day we brought him home. It took 15-20 minutes to soothe him and calm him down, and he still jumped with every little pop he heard outside. As we cleaned up the mess he'd made, he was cowering and obviously afraid of being punished. We never even raised our voices to him, though, and made an attempt to project a calm air, once we overcame the initial shock of walking in and seeing the destruction.

So my two Goldens, who usually bring me much joy and entertainment, have been causing us some serious stress and drama the past few days. There have been no fights now for a little over 36 hours, but we still aren't sure how exactly things will be resolved. MM and I are both at a loss and totally broken up about the whole situation. It's been just awful!