Saturday was my birthday, and MM took me out to dinner to celebrate. Just after we ordered our meal, he thoughtlessly made a comment touching on something that really upset me. . . to the point where I had to leave the table because I was about to burst into tears. (This topic is something that we have previously agreed is to be a closed topic, and I am not posting about the details simply because (1) they don't really matter for the purposes of this post; (2) they are extremely personal and sensitive; and (3) explaining them would make this post WAY too long for a microblog post and take me too long to write.)
I am not generally a crier, so the fact that what he said made me cry is, in and of itself, noteworthy. In short, his thoughtless, offhand comment ruined my meal and basically ruined the evening.
My husband is, in the main, a good person and a decent husband. He is also an excellent father. However, things like this make me wonder sometimes if being married is worth it.
After talking with him about it, I do believe that MM's comment at dinner was not intentionally made to hurt my feelings. But it didn't make it any less hurtful. And there are few other people in my life who would be allowed access to knowledge of my inner life that would allow them the ability to hurt me in that way.
And even if a friend or family member had that knowledge, at the end of the day, I could return to my own home and my own space, away from that loved one. Not so with my husband.
I don't know that I really have a point, and this post is already too long and much too heavy for Microblog Mondays, so I will simply close by saying that marriage is one of several parts of adulthood that hasn't really been what I thought it would be.