My Better Self

I was thinking in the shower this morning that I wish I had someone to walk me through my days.  I had in mind a sort of wise spiritual guru who could also motivate me and remind me to work hard, eat right, keep me focused.

Then I realized that I already know a person who would be perfect in this role, and her services wouldn't cost me a dime: she's me.  Well, sort of. . . she's the me that I strive to be, the me that I am when I'm at my best, when I'm feeling strong and energetic, when I am able to keep my focus.  She's my better self.

Better Self would rise early every day and do a half-hour of yoga or go for a walk around the neighborhood with the dog before going to work.  She would awaken full of energy and would remember when the alarm goes off that exercising first thing in the morning will set the tone for her day and give her more energy all day long.

Better Self would take a few moments to apply makeup and lotion before racing out the door, and she would pick out a cute outfit to wear instead of something unflattering or drab.  She would always leave early enough to be able to catch the commuter bus to work (to save money on gas, of course), and she would get to the office on time.

Better Self would eat a healthy breakfast and lunch that she planned and packed for herself.  She would probably have healthy snacks, too.  While at work, she would be focused and productive.  She would take time to get up and walk around every hour.  She would drink water and take time for breaks.  She would make sure to get out of the office once in a while and maybe even take a walk at lunch on occasion.

Better Self would arrive home on time and have patience with her sons and their various antics.  She would prepare them a healthy dinner (and continue to exercise patience when they didn't eat it and demanded "mac cheese" instead).  She would be present in the moment and enjoy her time with her children.

After her sons were in bed, Better Self would eat a healthy dinner and then have enough energy to accomplish some tasks around the house before spending some quality time with her husband and, finally, relaxing before going to bed.

Now my only question is: where is this Better Self most of the time?

Adulthood Bites

Things I hate about being a grown-up:

• If I don't eat right and get enough sleep, I feel like crap
• No one is going to come and clean or organize my house (unless I pay them an exorbitant amount of money. . . and then they probably won't do the job to my satisfaction)
• I can no longer spend money with total disregard for the future
• Certain food and drinks give me heartburn.  That never happened when I was teenager (who regularly ate Funyuns and a Dr Pepper for lunch) or in my 20s (when I worked night shift a lot and ate at irregular times)
• I have a lot of responsibilities
• I've had to accept that there are a number of things in life that it's unlikely I will ever accomplish
• I can't sleep in anymore
• Because I can't sleep in anymore, I can't stay up late anymore
• I have to think about things like my cholesterol and triglyceride levels and my risk for heart attack and stroke (bleh)
• My parents are old
• All the teenagers I know were born after I graduated from college (sigh)
• I spend more time doing things I "have to" do than doing things I "want to" do

Throwback, er, Tuesday

My first beta confirming my pregnancy with the boys was three years ago today.  That post is here.

Time sure flies!

Three years ago today

The embryo transfer for the DE IVF cycle that produced our sons was three years ago today.  Around this time, I was probably getting ready to head over to the clinic.  (I remember that they were very busy that day and that I didn't end up getting called back to the transfer room until about 45 minutes later than my original appointment time.)

In three years, the boys have gone from being two tiny little blastocysts sharing a petri dish to being two growing boys with distinct personalities who can run, jump, climb, talk and laugh.  I remember wondering at transfer whether they were boys or girls and whether either or both of them would implant and grow to a real, live baby.  And now here they are.

In that same span of time, MM and I have gone from being a leisurely DINK couple to being the harried and happy parents of twin toddler boys.  Their arrival has irrevocably changed our lives and our marriage.

What an eventful three years!