Monday, February 8, 2010

Random thoughts

  • How come no one ever tells couples who are physically able to have biological children that they should adopt? There have been a number of times in my life when a friend or acquaintance has shared that she and her husband (or he and his wife) are "trying" to have a baby, and not once have I ever heard someone respond by saying "you should just adopt instead." Is it only infertile couples who have the moral responsibility to "help a child in need" and put aside their natural inclination to procreate?
  • I hate it when people say "there are so many children out there who need good homes." On the one hand, there is no arguing with this admittedly true statement. On the other hand, we did not set out to "save the world, one child at a time" when we decided we wanted to be parents. I applaud and commend those people for whom adopting older children, especially those with challenges, is their choice, but this was not our aim when we thought of becoming parents and is still not our goal.
  • Why does everyone feel the need to ask a married couple when they intend to have children? Though to be fair, I must admit I have asked this question of couples many, many times over the years, so this is probably just karmic payback for me.
  • MM asked me this morning if I would "pee on those ovulation sticks" this cycle. He expressed concern that we somehow missed my fertile window last cycle. And here I thought we were no longer actively TTC. Hmm. Guess someone hasn't truly given up on the notion that we will somehow, miraculously, conceive on our own. (I am going to use the OPKs since it is important to him. I am currently on CD 7, so I won't start for a few more days.)
  • On a related note. . . . were I to conceive this cycle, my due date would be very close to my inlaws' (and my nephew's) birthdays, 11/6 and 11/8. How sad is it that I was able to calculate this in my head and get within 5 days? It's so hard to un-train the brain.
  • MM has mentioned several times over the past few weeks that "we should adopt an orphan from Haiti." I have pointed out to him the inconsistency of this idea with his previously-expressed feelings about adoption; this is a man who previously has said he does not even want to adopt a newborn. He acknowledged the inherent conflict in his thinking. I guess if you want MM to be your adoptive father, you need to come from an impoverished country and survive a natural disaster. . . . merely being an American child who has been abused or neglected wouldn't be enough to qualify you. ;-)


  1. OMG, I TOTALLY agree with your first point. That drives me COMPLETELY nuts. I try really hard not to let myself read comments on news articles about fertility treatments anymore, because every single one is a variation of "how selfish, they should just adopt."

  2. Hey there, nice to see you. Interesting about MM and his further thoughts both on TTC and adopting :) sounds like you are taking the right approach with both of his endeavors. and the asking a couple when or if they had kids....I have fallen into that trap and through our journey have learned so much what not to say....still always don't know what to say, but trying.

  3. Men are so funny. They come off confident, even cocky, like they don't need to hedge their plans or statements or opinions. Then when they change their minds or aren't sure of something, they never come off their high horse and admit it. They just carry on as though there was no such mind changing - this new idea was the plan all along. My DH does this. It's not malicious, just a lack of acknowledgement of his prior position (and the fact that I may have relied on said position). There seem to be some lingering doubts about quitting cold turkey for you guys. I expect quitting TTC, if that's what you ultimately decide to do, is like quitting most addictions. It takes time, it's painful, you never get over that want, that craving, but little by little it gets easier and you have a better life for having stuck with it. On the other hand, if you decide to go the adoption route or do conceive naturally, that sounds good too. So really, you are a better person for having been through all that you have and undoubtedly, a stronger couple. And there are some great options out there for the future. I'm thinking of you.


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