Do genes matter?

[EVEN THOUGH TAKING DOWN THE ORIGINAL PHOTOS CHANGES THIS POST, I REMOVED THE ORIGINAL PHOTOS ON 11/2/2017 -- IN THE INTEREST OF NOT HAVING PHOTOS OF MY SON DISPLAYED INDEFINITELY ON THE INTERNET -- AND REPLACED THEM WITH THE PHOTO YOU SEE NOW, WHICH DOESN'T CLEARLY SHOW HIS WHOLE FACE.]

These recent photos of my son MJ and me were taken during our annual family photo session (the second photo was taken when we didn't know that the photographer was shooting). I love them because I think that they really show the love and strong bond between us. (Side note: AJ was in a mood during our session and refused to pose for any photos with me.)

Although someone studying these photos would search in vain for a physical resemblance between the two of us (MJ looks very similar to my MIL as a child), despite this lack of similarity in looks, I think that anyone would recognize that these are photos of a mother and son.

I am still active in a group for parents via egg donation, and a fair number of members of the group are either TTC with DE or still pregnant. Understandably, many of those folks wonder about how their children will feel about being DE-conceived. Some also wonder if they will feel the same toward their DE-conceived child as they would toward a child conceived with their own eggs. I happened to read one of those posts expressing doubt around the same time that I received these photos from our photographer.

I suppose individual experiences may vary, and of course, I have no basis for comparison, having no children who were conceived with my own eggs. . . but I don't think there is a way that I could love my sons more -- or vice versa -- had they been conceived with my own eggs. In fact, in a weird way, I think that the fact that I share no genes with my sons frees me to know them without preconceived notions about how they will be like me.

So, at least for me, no, genes do not matter in my relationship with my sons.

The Days Are Long but the Years Are Short

With my sons starting kindergarten and after seeing photos over the past two weeks of so many children of my friends who are going off to college, or starting high school, I was thinking tonight that I should really be cherishing this time with my sons. They still tell me that they love me multiple times a day, love to give me hugs and kisses, tell me I'm "the best mommy in the world," and say that the weekend days are their favorite days because they get to spend all day with Mommy and Daddy.

It won't be long before they are embarrassed by me and prefer the company of their friends to that of their parents. Before they start thinking I am uncool or can't possibly understand them, instead of thinking that I know everything and coming to me with all their questions. Before they take a bigger step along the path of the inevitable separation from me. 

I need to remember that I won't always have Alex wanting to blow me 30 kisses before I leave his room at bedtime and that they won't always be getting up asking for "one more hug." Even on the nights when I am tired and long for them to sleep so that I can have a quiet moment with my husband, or go to sleep myself, I need to dig deep and give them the best I have to give.

Because there will come a day, not too far distant, when they won't want so much of me. And that will be harder, in a way, than being wanted all the time.