Do any of you subscribe to the Word of the Day? I started subscribing in law school and continue to receive a word daily in my email. Often the word of the day is a word I already know, but not infrequently it is a word which is pretty obscure or used primarly in literary contexts. Sometimes it's a word I don't know at all.
Today's word is desideratum, plural desiderata. The only place I previously had seen this word was in relation to this poem, and I confess, I didn't really know what it meant. According to dictionary.com, desideratum means "something desired or considered necessary."
So what was my first thought upon reading this? "Oh, like motherhood for me." Yeah. Warped mind indeed.
I find it interesting that this word couples desire with necessity. There are certainly many things one might desire which one would not consider necessary. . . . for example, I desire a BMW sedan, but I certainly wouldn't consider it necessary. I would say the universe of things which are not only desired but also necessary is relatively small. Hmm.
MM and I had our session with NC yesterday, and it went very well. I could tell that NC was favorably impressed with MM (who wouldn't be? he is a great guy), and after talking to us for about half the session, she mentioned that she "gets it" now, meaning she sees how our relationship works for us. MM felt good about the session because there were no surprises--in his opinion, the worst possible thing which could happen at any couples counseling session would be to find out something your wife had told the counselor about you and never told you--and because we were also able to talk in more depth about a couple of things we'd only discussed briefly prior to the session.
The most specific "result" of the session was that we have agreed to set a time limit on the plans we have in the works. NC pointed out that we have been dealing with IF our entire marriage (and before) and that it probably isn't healthy for me, or for us, to continue dragging this out indefinitely due to MM's concerns about finances. So we have agreed to continue pursuing our current options--embryo donation and/or a possible shared DE IVF cycle--until this time next year, and if one or the other has not panned out by then, to commit to paying for a cycle of DE IVF on our own, despite the expense. MM agreed that, though we will try to save what we can toward that cycle over the next year, we will go ahead next year (if necessary) whether we have the entire amount saved or not.
[By the way. . . . if anyone reading this wants to consider sharing a cycle with us or knows someone who does. . . . or, by the same token, has embryos to donate or knows someone who does. . . feel free to email me at the address in my profile.]
So that's where we're at. I think we are on a path which is a good compromise. I would like to be moving on with SOMETHING that will make us parents, oh, YESTERDAY, but our current plan also respects the financial realities of our situation (and MM's concerns about debt).
The hardest thing for me about either option--embryo donation or a possible shared DE IVF cycle--is that each relies upon someone else's decision to become a reality. Someone with embryos would have to decide to donate them to us, or someone would have to come forward willing to share a cycle with us. I don't do well with things where not only the outcome, but the very start of the process, is out of my control. But it is what it is. Good opportunity for some personal growth, I suppose.