Tuesday, September 14, 2010

One of those days

Just when I think I am doing well coping with my emotions about being unable to have a child of my own, I have a day like today.  I woke up feeling exhausted and a little headache-y, despite a full night's sleep, only to see on Fac.ebo.ok the announcement of another birth (the third in less than a week!) and another pregnancy.  And the new father and mother-to-be have birthdays today, so they are getting even more than the usual amount of comments on their announcements.  Ugh.

(Oh, and lest anyone once again think/say "You don't know what they went through to get pregnant," um, yeah, I do.  None of the three people who have had children this week had any problems conceiving them, and the woman who announced her pregnancy basically came out and said it was an "oops". . . .her daughter is only 6 months old, and her children will be only a year apart.)

Couple all this with the fact that I am working on a couple of annoying projects at work and still waiting anxiously to find out about the other job I'm hoping to get, and it's shaping up to be a craptastic day.  Man, do I wish I still drank coffee!!

I realized belatedly that I forgot to write about the "homework" my counselor suggested for me.  We talked a little bit about whether I had thought about and pictured what my future child would look like and be like.  I don't know about you, but um, yes, I have thought about this, many times, both before meeting my husband and since.

She suggested I get a doll or photo or something else that symbolizes the image I have in my mind of that child and then write a letter to her (yes, for me, it's a her), explaining how I feel about the fact that we will probably never meet.  She said that the purpose of this exercise is to help me to let go of this (theoretical, future) child so that I will be open to the child who is "supposed to" come to me/us.

I can see the usefulness of this exercise.  So far, I have only gotten as far as searching the internet to see if I could find a photo which matches my mental image, and I haven't yet.  I may work more on this project this weekend.

I must get back to work, as I am momentarily quite busy.  I will get through today by reminding myself that things always seem to get better eventually.

7 comments:

  1. Ugh. What a way to wake up. I also started today on the wrong foot when I logged into FB and found a friend request waiting for me from a friend of mine who I haven't seen in years. OF COURSE she's pregnant. This is baby #2. The request is still sitting there. I can't bear to see a pregnant belly right now.

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  2. Sorry about the crappy start to your day. FB is the worst for those types of announcements.

    I think that's an interesting exercise to go through. I really do believe that the act of writing is cathartic and can see how this would be beneficial to you. I think the most difficult part of the exercise is finding the right item (picture/doll etc) - I know the purpose is to have your thoughts take physical form, but for me this would be difficult.

    Hope your day is getting better!

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  3. Unfortunately I left FB two years ago. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day or that today will end better than it started. I like the homework idea...

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  4. I'm so sorry for all the announcements. It is the worst. I am so interested to hear how your homework goes.

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  5. i hate facebook! i hate the stupid posts announcing pregnancies and babies and all the baby photos etc. urgh. but what i hate most of all is all those ambiguous posts that could mean anything when you all know that they're talking about a pregnancy that they haven't announced yet. :(

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  6. I hope today is a better day. ((Hugs))

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  7. I can think of 3 people who need to be hidden from your newsfeed immediately. Before the crap of comparing the baby to a piece of fruit. I hate hate hate that stuff (unless they are an infert, like me.... I bet you I get into that crap once I am the one holding the fetus).

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