Thank you all for your kind words. I am really not feeling better yet, partly based on IF, partly based on work-related worries, and am still having my little pity party. I do know, though, that this, too, shall pass. I have been in funks before, and things always get better eventually. (You might spare some pity for MM, though, who is getting to live with negative, grumpy S for a while. Not a fun experience, I can assure you.)
I am getting away again this weekend (without MM) and will be seeing loads of old friends and acquaintances who knew me when I was just S. The young, optimistic, just-starting-out S, not S the lawyer worried about her job, S, MM's wife, or S the sad, childless 39-year-old. I think it will be good for me, and I am looking forward to it. I will get to chill with my friends, catch up with all the latest news, and have some delicious authentic New Mexican green chile besides.
Though I am wallowing in self-pity currently, I am not without compassion for my online friends who are dealing with even worse things than I. Two bloggers who I read regularly have experienced heartbreaking losses this week. I hope anyone reading this will take some time to click over and offer support to R and to Jo, both of whom have recently gotten the news that their much-desired and hard-won pregnancies are ending in miscarriage.
Loss is loss and your bfn is a loss. Take the time you need to recover, I am hoping your weekend away is exactly what you need.
ReplyDeleteThe funk is understandable. You've been through a lot, not to mention all the shitty news running around the infertility world lately. It's like a virus. It knocks you down for a while, but eventually you get back up again. I am so glad you have a chance to get away this weekend and spend time with friends. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are in the funk, but give yourself some time and treat yourself nicely -- there is no contest for who feels worse and you should cut yourself a break. Wallow until you feel ready to stop -- this is hard stuff.
ReplyDeleteThe weekend away sounds perfect, and well-timed. Have fun!!
Have a great weekend...you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteA weekend away from everything sounds like the right medicine to me. Enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up on your posts today. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! I think it's good you're going to take a break for a few months. Something you wrote jumped out at me: you said that if it was up to you you would be ready to stop TTC and live childfree. That is an important thing to know about yourself and must have been a hard insight to come to when you are in the middle of ART, with its endless steps and next-steps. It can seem like an endless path, can't it? There is always the next cycle, the next protocol, the next technology, and I think it takes a lot of strength and self-awareness to know when you are ready to get off the train.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for coming by my blog and sharing your thoughts at my "WTF Period On 11DPO' post recently. And it's nice to meet another IF sister! I hope you feel better soon and that your break away from everything does wonders for your soul and spirit!
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