Thank you to all of you who took the time to comment on my last post and to send me emails. Your support and understanding really mean a lot to me.
I was a little hesitant to share my feelings here because I realize there are likely some of you reading who would love to find yourselves unexpectedly pregnant, either with a first child or another child, and I know that, for someone in that place, a post like the one I shared yesterday would probably be difficult to read. I do apologize to anyone who fits that description who may have been offended.
I woke up this morning with some mild nausea and smell aversion. Probably a reassuring sign in relation to increasing hormone levels but also an unpleasant harbinger of what's to come.
Thus far, I have had no other symptoms indicating that I am either pregnant or miscarrying. I have been tired, but I am often tired. I've had no spotting, no cramps, nothing noteworthy. Even with the minor symptoms this morning, if I didn't know I was pregnant, I probably would have assumed that I'd eaten something yesterday that disagreed with me or that I was getting a migraine (mine are often, though not always, accompanied by nausea).
We shall see what will happen. I am doing my best not to think too much about what is going on in my uterus, and truth be told, as busy as I am these days, it's pretty easy to forgot about.
I think your feelings and concerns are totally valid! Try to be zen about the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine everything you are going through emotionally right now...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty in the last post. I'm sure it was not easy to muster the courage to write everything, but it was open and honest and I can understand where you are coming from. Although exciting, there is so much to worry about... I'm sorry you are experiencing an unwanted pregnancy. Whatever happens, I'll be following along and trying to offer what support I can. Thinking of you!!
I'm not sure I'd go so far as to see this pregnancy is "unwanted." A shock, yes, and unintended and unplanned, certainly.
DeleteI definitely appreciate the honesty of your last post too! I'm also an unexplained infertile who became surprisingly pregnant. My currently 15 month old son was conceived on round 2 of IVF after first, 2 years of trying and then a year of trying non-IVF intervention, before IVF. While I never got an explanation for my infertility (probably mostly age-related, I'm 40 now), I also had no reason to believe I'd get pregnant on my own. We weren't preventing and thought if we somehow got lucky, then great, but we figured our son would be an only child. Well, I got pregnant when my son was just 7 months old, on my 2nd cycle after my period started again and I'm now 33 weeks pregnant with #2. WTF.
ReplyDeleteWe were very freaked out at first (2 under 2? argh!), but have since come to peace with it and are indeed excited (we knew we'd like to have more than 1 if it was possible, tho we weren't sure we'd go IVF again -- but we didn't start out with twins like you!).
Our next door neighbors actually were in virtually the same situation 3 years ago with their second (that is, they had medical help with the first, and number 2 was a quick surprise, didn't think it could happen)...the wife said to my husband to tell me that it's ok to cry and be freaked out, and that she cried for 3 months after finding out!
All that to say, I can't speak for you of course, but my current pregnancy is not "unwanted," despite other comments I've seen on your blog--just very surprising and shocking, and "oh holy hell how are we going to manage THIS???" There are SERIOUS emotional, financial, and physical considerations involved in having kids. And my birth experience was not a picnic either (not like yours, but I developed complications late in pregnancy, it was very traumatic).
So that my 2 cents. Hang in there, S, you're not alone in your gamut of feelings, as I'm sure you've gleaned! And of course, congratulations! I wish nothing but the best for you and your family.
I think it is very brave and mature of you to not only own how you are feeling, but share it. I am glad to see that people's posts are well reasoned in response.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar-ish situation, except that we were trying to have another kid, having had only one from IVF. But yeah, surprise natural conception is pretty, well, surprising. I'm 42 (nearly 43) too. Didn't think this would be where I was.
I hope that, however this turns out for you, that you come to peace with it.
Really, the best thing about pregnancy (or the worst, depending on perspective) is you do have TIME. You don't need to be enthusiastically embracing it today, or tomorrow, or next week. You don't need to be doing anything except waiting for the next ultrasound to see what's what. And take it one step at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out.
ReplyDeleteI think your freak out is totally natural. I used to have dreams where I got pregnant accidentally when my twins were newborns, even though we weren't doing anything to make one. I would wake up in a panic! Our chances of getting pregnant naturally are probably about 1 in a million, but because we both still have the necessary equipment in place, I suppose it's still possible. I would be thrilled if it happened, but I would be ambivalent too. At 42 I don't think I could get attached or expect that I would have a live baby at the end.
ReplyDeleteIn reading the comments, I just totally agree with you. It's not that it's "unwanted." But from one Type A lawyer to another, anything "unplanned" is difficult to swallow sometimes. Hang in there. Thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to drop by and let you know that I am thinking about you.
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