After an innocent question from an old friend earlier this week, I have been pondering (not-for-the-first-time) the following question:
Which is worse: people knowing we want to have a child and cannot, or people thinking that we have chosen to be childless?
I find that the more time passes in which we are unable to have a child, I grow more and more likely to tell people that we "can't" have children. Almost inevitably, though, that either makes the other person uncomfortable or spurs him/her to spout platitudes or share some anecdote of someone they know who had an "against all odds" pregnancy. I get a little tired of hearing the assvice and words about "G-d's will," so I sometimes think I should've just stuck with being vague and evasive when confronted with these questions.
If people know about our infertility, we are likely to be pitied. If people do not know about our infertility and assume we've chosen not to have children, that is an inaccurate assumption, and we are likely to be viewed as selfish, too. Neither is a great alternative.
What say you?