Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hope springs eternal

I woke up yesterday with a headache and a little nausea.  Despite a full night's sleep, I felt achy and tired.  So I decided to take a sick day.  Later in the morning, I also had some, um, other GI upset a ways south of nausea.

I felt better by the mid-afternoon, and when MM came home from work yesterday evening, he said "Maybe you're pregnant."  At which I laughed and said "Wow, hope really does spring eternal for you, doesn't it?"

I find it amusing that MM still has hope that we will conceive a child together naturally after all this time and (failed) effort.  I think we are on about cycle #30 TTC.  I truly cannot fathom where his optimism comes from, as he is not generally an optimistic person by nature.  I guarantee that, were he looking at other people in our same situation, he would deem them hopeless. . . . and yet apparently he still thinks that a miracle is going to happen for us.

Today is CD 22, and if I interpret my one OPK which looked to be almost-positive-but-not-quite as a positive, today would be about 9 DPO.  Normally, I wouldn't be expecting my period until Monday at the earliest, but as I've mentioned here before, my last two cycles were only 25 days and 22 days long. . . . so realistically, AF could arrive at any time.

Don't get me wrong: I would be ECSTATIC if I found out I was pregnant!  Not only would it be absolutely lovely to become a parent in the way I'd always dreamed of--through sex with my spouse, producing a child with our combined genes--we could also then put the thousands of dollars we've earmarked for a DE IVF cycle toward other things.

As wonderful as that would be, though, I basically have zero hope that it will happen at this point.  Funny, because while I am certainly no Pollyanna, I tend to be more optimistic and positive generally than my husband.  Except, apparently, on this one point.

P.S.  I spoke to the DE coordinator at one of our top choice clinics yesterday to get an idea as to timeline, etc.  We are working on the theory that, if we decide to go ahead, we will do a DE cycle sometime in summer 2011.

7 comments:

  1. You never know. Stranger things have happened. I'll keep my fingers crossed and remain positive for you. Do you plan on testing?

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  2. Katie, I never test unless AF is at least two days late or I have been ordered by my doctor to do so. It is highly unlikely that AF won't arrive by next Wednesday, but if she doesn't, then I would probably test.

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  3. Hey S. First I want to apologize for my abhorrent grammar on yesterday's comment! I am so embarrassed!! But I hope you are feeling better today. I used to fantasize about getting pg miraculously (did happen twice but ended in m/c's) and being able to sock that money somewhere else. But not to be. I tend to feel more "realistic". Most people would likely call it "pessimistic". But the fantasy is nice to have once in a while! There are miracle stories and hoping that you'll be one of them...maybe not this cycle but the next.

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  4. Well, I hope that MM's right. Miracles happen all of the time.

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  5. Miracles DO happen, it's true, so you never know. But also YAY for Summer 2011! That's just around the corner!

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  6. hi there..i'm not sure i've said hello on your blog before, but here i am! :)

    surprises have happened when people least expect it, so i hope there's a beautiful little surprise waiting for you. you never know!

    b

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  7. I hope you get sicker by the day. Any updates for us??? Man, I would love to see you win the anti-IVF lottery.

    I like the idea of a longer time frame before DE. For some reason, I cannot get myself there fast enough. Doesn't really make sense.

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