Waiting

wait (v): 1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens.

Today is CD 27 for me, which means that if this cycle follows my usual pattern, tomorrow will be CD 1 of a new cycle. That means that I could be starting Clomid in just a few days! I have mixed feelings about that but am feeling good about actually taking some affirmative steps (beyond just the standard "have lots of sex" approach) to get pregnant.

For me, waiting has been one of the worst parts of TTC. I am fortunate in that I ovulate pretty regularly and don't have anovulatory cycles, so my "wait" to ovulate has usually been about the same as anyone else's and of a predictable length. Of course, there is the dreaded two-week wait every month. And once we started testing, we have had to wait on the results of our tests, too.

Now that we are starting treatment, the stakes will be even higher. Now each failed cycle will not only represent another month of time lost. . . it'll also mean money spent that we will never get back.

Like many other Americans, I'm not great at waiting. It's not even so much that I'm impatient, though I am. It's more that I prefer to take action rather than sit around and hope for the best. I'm a "take charge" kind of person.

And yet I wait.