Monday, March 30, 2009

Oh, no, he didn't

I think I've mentioned here before that my father is not really "in the loop" about our conception efforts. As best I can recall, he asked me when MM and moved in together last summer whether we'd considered having children (pointing out my advanced age, thanks Dad), and I told him then that I'd been off the pill for a few months. I kinda led him to believe that we were not preventing but not exactly trying.

I love my father dearly, and we have a pretty good relationship. I'd have no problem confiding in him if it were just him I'd be telling. I confided in him throughout my childhood, so I know him to be discreet and capable of keeping things to himself. (As one example of his discretion, he never told us that my mother--his ex-wife--had had a child out-of-wedlock before they were married. He waited for her to tell us when she was ready.)

The reason he is on "limited information" status is because of his wife. My stepmom--whom my father married when I was 18--and I have a pretty decent relationship as stepmom/stepdaughter relationships go. We are far from pals but are not exactly a Cinderella situation either. I do not view her as a second mother--being already a sophomore in college when she married my dad--and she's not someone I'd ever choose as a friend. Regardless, she is a good human being who I do believe generally has my best interests at heart.

However, though she is a very nice person. . . . my stepmom cannot keep a secret for sh1t. I've learned this through painful experience: there have been two separate and distinct occasions where I have shared something with my father in confidence that has been disclosed to people who are decidedly NOT "in the know" about my life by my stepmom. The last occasion was as recent as about three years ago.

Because it's pointless to try to stop my father from telling his wife things--not even sure he'd agree to try--I decided long ago that the easiest course was just to not tell him things either. He was the last of our four parents to know about my plans to marry MM, among other things: MM's parents, my mom, and my sister all knew months before I told Dad.

In a way, I hate not letting my dad know as much about my life as he otherwise would. But he has seemed blissfully unaware thus far, so no harm done.

On the phone this morning he hinted to me about whether I might be pregnant. I told him that I am not. He then asked whether MM and I have "been tested" at all; I guess he is beginning to think (as are we!) that I should've been pregnant by now. I told him that MM and I have both had a full, general work-up done by a doctor who specializes in these things and that all our tests are normal. At which point he said, "Well, I guess you guys just need to relax and it'll happen."

So yeah. I got the "just relax" comment from my 67-year-old dad. Wonder what he'd say if he actually knew that we've been actively trying for 14 cycles now and will be starting intervention soon. He'd probably REALLY think we need to "relax" then. ;-)

1 comment:

  1. That is super annoying, but that's what my dad would always say too. It was especially annoying to me because my dad said it in response to my efforts to adopts, which we wanted to do bio baby or no. He doesn't really approve of adoption, so I got the just relax talk. But, you have to give them some slack, they've no idea how annoying and stressful the situation is for you. No clue. Really.


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