Friday, April 22, 2011

Jinxes?

Several years ago, when my sister and her husband first decided to start TTC, I remember her telling me that he told her not to buy anything for their (future) baby lest she would jinx them.  My sister disregarded this edict and bought many things that my nephew eventually used, including, but not limited to, a stroller, a crib set and a bajillion stuffed black labs.  Out of respect for her husband's feelings, she hid the items from him until after they found out she was pregnant.

As it turned out, getting pregnant took them a lot longer than they thought it would.  Coincidence?  My BIL would say no.

MM gave me a similar directive when we first started TTC, and unlike my sister, I have actually abided by it, for the most part.  OK, I've had two lapses: an adorable onesie that says "My brother is a Golden Retriever," and this adorable hat-and-onesie set.  But they are tucked away in the back of a lingerie drawer, and MM didn't even know about them until recently, as I'll explain below.

The idea that buying items for an as-yet-unborn (or, in our case, unconceived) child can bring bad luck is not an uncommon concept.  Years ago, I was a nurse at a small hospital which bordered the Navajo reservation.  I recall working with a nursing assistant who had grown up on the reservation and still followed her culture's traditional practices.  She was horrified when someone suggested to her during her pregnancy that we throw her a baby shower: in Navajo culture, it is considered bad luck to buy gifts for a baby who isn't born yet. . . such bad luck that it can even bring about the baby's death.  (There are many pregnancy- and baby-related taboos in Navajo culture.  Another I remember is that, in direct contradiction of other cultures' traditions, Navajos never name a baby after a deceased relative.)  We ended up having a shower for her after her baby was born.

I've pointed out to MM that I think it's somewhat contradictory that someone like him, who eschews organized religion and is not-at-all-spiritual, should believe in something like a "jinx" or "bad luck."  He countered that his belief in jinxes makes perfect sense because he is a worrier who always thinks something bad is going to happen.

As I've mentioned here before, two dear friends of mine are currently pregnant.  Each friend is having her second baby, and I bought each friend a (different) gift from Uncommon Goods for baby #1.  Uncommon Goods has some really cool gifts, including some very cute and unique baby items.  I receive their monthly catalog, and MM was browsing that catalog last week.

Wouldn't you know, MM pointed out the very hat-and-onesie set I mentioned above and suggested I buy it for one of my friends.  Not so surprising, I suppose; we have similar tastes, which is probably one reason we're married.  Imagine my surprise, though, when he said "You should buy an extra one for our baby, too."

[--record scratch--]

In three years of TTC, MM has never once suggested I buy something for "Future Baby M."  Not one time.  In fact, on a few occasions when I have been tempted to buy an item while in a store with him, like a stuffed golden retriever or something similar, he has asked me not to buy it, even when I've said I will just give it to someone else if we never have a baby of our own.

Well, at that point, I had to come clean.  I went into our bedroom and pulled out both onesies and confessed I'd had them for over two years.  This revelation was met with a look of mild disapproval and a heavy sigh from my husband.

So what say you?  Did I jinx us by buying two onesies over two years ago? 

Do you have superstitions about these sort of things?

15 comments:

  1. I am jewish and we traditionally do not do showers for the not buying gifts for an unborn baby reason. My grandmother would kill me if I did this. I do not really beleive in this stuff but have not made any purchases b/c it feels too sad to me.
    Thats funny about the onsie :) Glad you were able to come clean.

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  2. If by "jinx" you mean "to ensure that you will have a beautiful baby," then you very well might have because that's all I have to show for my "jinx" in my glider cradle that I bought after Abby was born.

    For a long time I thought no sweetness would sleep in said cradle, but as I type, she's wriggling around in it thinking about waking up.

    So, NO. I do not believe in jinxes and I have living, breathing, pooping proof that they are not valid, so don't sweat the onesies. ;) You'll be just fine!

    PS - LOVE the [--record scratch--]!!! I literally LOLed at that one!

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  3. My husband always felt this way, but would just roll his eyes at me if I actually bought something. Most of the time, we were talking about something cheap. Nothing big.

    I go back and forth about whether it had jinxed us or not. Honestly, I don't think that it did because it's just how things were meant to be.

    Heck, I even registered for a stroller contest, won it and received it just as we were miscarrying our first pregnancy.

    Made me feel like crap, but we're pregnant again without any issues and now I'll get to use it for this little one.

    It's just personal preference. I don't place blame on myself or those items being in our house for us not being able to get or stay pregnant. It's just how things worked out.

    Good post though. Love the onesie that you bought... "my brother is a golden retriever". I need one of those that says Brittnay. :)

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  4. Ok, first, how could you ever resist a onesie with a Golden Retriever on it?? I don't think it's possible, so MM should be easily forgiving of that one!

    For the longest time, I never bought anything for my potential future baby. Not because I didn't want to jinx myself or anything like that, but because I didn't want to have something that would be a constant reminder to my failings. Maybe I should have just bought things in the beginning? Perhaps that would have turned my luck around?

    I did crack a couple months ago, when I saw the CUTEST tiny Puma socks at TJ Maxx. I bought a boy newborn set and a girl newborn set.

    Finally, I do NOT think you jinxed yourself in the least! Little baby M is going to be rocking out in those onesies soon enough! :)

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  5. First off...I TOTALLY have to get the same onsie set! That is priceless!! I hope they ship to Canada. But secondly, yes, I am somewhat superstitious. I did not buy a single baby item until week 18 but that wasn't because of superstition but because of fear from previous pregnancy loss. So please don't think that you buying those onsies caused your IF. I think deep down with MM wanting you to buy the onsie set now makes me think he is just as full of hope as you are with your upcoming DE cycle. And that is sooo awesome...enjoy!

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  6. @LisainSK, let me know if they won't ship to Canada. I'll order it for you and ship to you myself. ;-)

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  7. I have not bought one single solitary baby item in our 3+ years ttc. Not that I'm particularly superstitious, but because I knew they would be the source of much grief if my treatments didn't work. I'm afraid I'd go into a fit of rage and rip them or throw them out when AF arrives yet again. (My grandmother bought me a St. Gerard medal which I wore during one of my IUI cycles, and I threw it across the room when the treatment failed). I've been very tempted, of course, especially during the 2WW.

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  8. I don't really believe in jinxes, but I sort of think that it can't hurt. But I don't really think it goes the other way. By which I mean, it can't hurt to try to follow the "rules", but I don't think it causes any harm if you don't.

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  9. The Golden Retriever onesie, and the "worth the wait" one are too precious! I don't blame you for buying them! I was raised not believing in "jinxes," but it's kind of hard not to!

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  10. I used to not believe in jinxes. Now I am not so sure. After my miscarriage I got rid of almost everything just because it hurts so much. Like you though I have two onesies tucked away in the back of a drawer.

    The story of the Navajo nursing assistant was interesting. If I become pregnant again I will not buy anything for a long time nor will I have a shower until after the baby arrives. Jinx or not, it will protect my heart. I am also now more open to the idea that bad thoughts can bring bad things (totally irrational says my logical side!).

    I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can stop by my blog to find out more about the award. :)

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  11. I don't believe in jinxes. In our almost 6 years of TTC I have not once bought an item for our future baby. Not sure why, but going in those areas first seemed taboo and then it was just too painful. If the jinx worked in reverse I should have a whole gaggle by now. (-; Enjoy those baby items. I think you are going to need them quite soon.

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  12. i got a bfp in january 2008 and bought a bib that said, "i heart my daddy." then i miscarried in march. we had already been trying for a year at that point.

    i did not buy one more thing - until we bought our pack n play in february of this year. i was 21 weeks pregnant!

    i don't think it is about jinxes as much as it was about not being able to bear the sight of baby things when i was about 95% sure we would never have one.

    xoxo

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  13. I think somewhere deep down I velieved in the jinx of buying something during our time TTCing. Even after our success i felt weird buying anything.

    It may have something to do with the fact that we do not have baby showers before the baby is born in our family.

    But, do I think you have jinxed yourself? Not a chance!

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  14. The "record scratch" just cracked me up! :)
    I teared up when I saw the onesie. It really hit me.
    I had the same jinx fear! I bought a bedding set off Craigslist when we very first started TTC. A year later, I had my husband hide it in the back of the garage because I thought I had jinxed us. It took 3 1/2 years, but now it's on my daughter's crib. But I am religious, and I don't really think I jinxed myself - it was just God's timing, not mine.

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  15. I pray not because after waiting 3.5 years to buy something for our unconceived child, I broke down a few months ago and did. I bought the cutes little grey booties with a pink flower. i have no idea if we will be able to conceive and if we are blessed enough to, have no idea if it will be a girl, but either way, I have to believe I didn't jinx myself. I mean, it's already been over a 3.5 year wait!!!
    I love that onesie and hat!!

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