Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Anonymous

Surprisingly, in over two years of writing this blog, I have received very few negative comments. Spam, yes, but negative comments, not so much.

Let me say this at the outset: I started this blog to vent my personal feelings. The fact that other women going through similar difficulties in achieving pregnancy and parenthood found this blog and chose to read it has been an added bonus for which I am grateful. I have learned a lot from many of you who have commented on my blog and through visiting yours, and it has made me feel a little better to know I am not alone in my feelings. I enjoy the support I get here.

However, at the end of the day, this blog is my personal space where I can and will write freely about my feelings. If you disagree with them, I welcome your telling me so in a respectful way (which would include identifying yourself and giving me a way to respond).

If you disagree with what I write and don't wish to engage in a respectful, one-on-one discourse with me about it. . . there is a small "X" in upper right hand corner of your screen. Please feel free to use it to close this page and don't feel that you have to visit again in future.

As you may have guessed by now, I received an anonymous comment yesterday. I'd like to share it with you. The language of the comment itself is in italics; my responses follow in bold.


I think posts like this are what lead to things like the incident on Allison's blog.

I have no idea what "incident" the writer is referring to. I guess I either don't read Allison's blog, or if I do, I'm not aware of this incident. Sorry.

It is completely understandable to feel the way you do but the way you are letting it out isn't ...good/healthy.

Good/healthy for whom? Let me assure you, I find venting my feelings on this blog VERY good/healthy, and I have visited a counselor who agreed. Are you a licensed mental health professional? I'm going to guess not.

Also, if it is "completely understandable" for me to feel this way, why isn't it also OK for me to write those feelings down in my personal blog?


"though I've long noted that felons and their significant others tend to be fertile, so that was far from unexpected. She had three children under age 6 in tow also." what an odd assumption, are you saying no criminals in the world are infertile? Are you saying that a felons child doesn't deserve to be in the world as much as another child? I live in the bible belt, lots of fertiles here, are these children more deserving of being born? What exactly is your complaint.

I'm not sure where to start with this jumble of thoughts, so let me work my way backward. My complaint is that people who are irresponsible and likely unable to adequately care for children--hard to be a good mom/dad from a prison cell or while engaged in a criminal lifestyle--seem to have children with ease and in abundance, while I know many, many good, responsible adults who cannot even have one.

None of my comments on this blog have ever been directed at innocent children. Children have no say whatsoever about when, how or by whom they are brought into the world.

And obviously I'm not saying "no criminals in the world are infertile." That would defy logic. Rather, I am saying that in my experience, which is far from limited as a former criminal prosecutor who has worked with children in foster care for nearly ten years and is married to a probation officer, felons tend to have more children than the average person.


Next, there are people who are fully capable of caring for their children who have them one after another because THEY WANT TO, I've counted 3 infertile blogs where the woman is pregnant again before her first is walking, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!

I don't believe this post, or any other on this blog, has been critical of women who are fit to care for children having as many as they want and can adequately parent, fertile or infertile. You're right, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!! Rather, when I have made reference to friends and acquaintances being pregnant or having children, it has been in the context of writing about my own feelings of inadequacy and envy related to that. Two good friends of mine are currently pregnant with child #2. I am very happy for them, and I have never written about either of them on this blog for that very reason: because I am in no way bothered by their pregnancies.

Stop being so judgemental it cannot be healthy. (Ed. note: again with the professional opinion!) Villainizing others who have what you want accomplishes nothing!

I disagree with the writer's characterization of "villainizing," and disagree that venting on my own private blog accomplishes nothing. It allows me to write freely about things that bother me and get them off my chest. It is the cheapest form of therapy available.

As for telling me to "stop being so judgemental" . . . talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Who are you to come here, read a single post, and then leave me an anonymous comment criticizing me for writing about my honest feelings on my own blog? Maybe you should take a look at your own conduct and examine your motives for leaving this comment in the first place.


OK, I feel better now. Back to my zen place.

P.S. Anonymous, maybe you've heard of a little thing called site meter. It tells me the IP address of everyone who visits this blog. Not so anonymous after all now, are you?

11 comments:

  1. What a freaking idiot. You know why people write anonymous comments? Because they are too pussy (sorry) to come out and say who they are and how they feel with their name attached to it. There's nothing I roll my eyes at more than an anonymous troll!

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  2. with regard to your comments back to this anonymous person...YOU GO GIRL!!!

    With regard to "anonymous"...shut the eff up. This is her blog and she can say what she wants.

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  3. Ha, I second Katie's comment! But I can't say that I would have been as tactful. I tend to go 'truckdriver' on folks like that.

    While in someways I don't think that morons like that deserve our time, however I really like your rebuttal. Good for you.

    Screw the Anonymous toads!

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  4. Sorry some troll found your blog. Anonymous commenrs are the worst. I actually had to stop allowing them on my blog becuase I had a pretty malicious one.

    Just caught up on your last few posts, Yay for passing the test run!

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  5. Wow, that was a bunch of hooey what the commenter left you. I like that you welcome disagreement, but would like to have it in a respectful manner. And what the anonymous commenter left was anything but respectful.

    Oh, and as a professionally trained mental health practitioner, I know that writing down your feelings and getting support are both very healthy and can mitigate the effects of stress. So there.

    thanks for your comments on my blog. Much appreciated.

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  6. Oh boy....sorry S this has happened to you...its your blog and your vent. Do as you wish.

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  7. oh! please don't block the crazy! let us read it! we will take care of the crazy on your behalf!!

    sounds like our friend "anon" is a little light on the logic, and possibly on the lower end of the IQ scale in general. poor thing.

    really, let us at the poor saps! its good entertainment.

    xoxoxo

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  8. Ladies, thank you for all your supportive comments.

    I'm still in the dark about "the incident on Allison's blog." I've read a few Allisons' blogs over the past two years, but I'm stumped. Anyone know and want to fill me in?

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  9. Oh, and that commenter needs to learn how to spell "judgmental." You should never accuse anyone of being something you can't spell. :-P

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  10. Can you really track down the commenters?? if so, let me know how!!!!
    I have had this same issue myself and have been told very very hateful things. I will not even repear them b/c it is just not worth it. I am sorry that they got you. we are here for you and totally understand

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  11. cgd, yes, you can. Email me at the address in my profile, and I will be happy to tell you how. It's pretty simple.

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I love comments! Just one caution: if you want to leave a negative comment on this blog, I would ask that you question the motive for doing so; I will not publish it. Thanks.