As has been the norm for the past, oh, at least 6-9 months, if not longer, I have learned in the past week of the births of three babies and two new pregnancies. A law school acquaintance with whom I have not spoken in five years announced the birth of his daughter on Facebook. An adjuster with an insurance company which is one of the main clients of our firm sent out photos of her just-born first grandchild. A few days later, a lawyer who is opposing counsel in one of my active cases sent out photos of his first grandchild.
MM has suspected for weeks that a friend of his at work--who married five months before us--is pregnant, and today she confirmed his suspicion. She is due in early February. (What was even more awkward about this announcement: she knows that we have been TTC for 15 months and that they started TTC after we did. She actually told MM privately before making a general announcement because she was concerned about hurting his feelings.)
I learned via an evite to a baby shower that friends of mine who were once quite close--the husband was going to be my ex-fiance's best man in our (called-off) wedding--who have moved to another city are expecting their second child in September. (They have a two-and-a-half-year-old son and are having a girl this time.)
This theme is not a new one for me. I have written at least twice before about the fact that it seems that more people around me are having children now than at any prior time in my life.
I am happy for people. Truly. I just can't help thinking "When are we going to able to celebrate our own pregnancy or birth?"
MM and I stopped by the pharmacy last night to pick up a few items on the way home from dinner out, and we happened to walk past the condoms. MM joked that he was going to pick up a box, and I reminded him that we have half a box at home that is not yet expired that he could use if he felt so inclined. (He did not.) He then said "Hey, if we'd known then what we know now, I'd never have had to use a condom 'cause apparently you can't get pregnant anyway."
Ouch. I know he was trying to be funny and light-hearted about our situation, so his comment didn't hurt my feelings. In moments of bitterness, I have thought the same thing myself. What hurt was the truth of his (joking) statement.
Oof. I know and HATE that feeling. :(
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously? Ten years of birth control pills. Clearly, not necessary.
I'm so sorry he said that and hurt you, even though I know it wasn't intended that way. But honestly, I think you can find this phenomenon in any aspect of life. After my dad died, I felt like EVERY friend was mentioning different times they were sharing with their fathers. When I left my job? Everyone else was succeeding at theirs. I'm not trying to belittle your emotions in any way - I'm just saying that maybe we are more sensitive to the things that we don't yet have that others do. But I'm still hoping/praying for you EVERY day my friend.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is so lucky you are so understanding! My DH said a similar sort of thing not long ago and I wasn't as sweet as you are. You're so patient!
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