Sunday, July 26, 2009

Hope springs eternal

As I've mentioned before, we took a break this cycle. I didn't do anything to track my cycle: no BBT charting, no CBEFM, no OPKs, nothing. (I *am* usually pretty regular--27 to 28 days without meds to screw things up--and can't help being cognizant of what cycle day I am on after over a year of TTC.)

Being newlyweds, MM and I usually do the deed at least every other day, and this month has been no exception, so odds are that, despite my lack of tracking, we have once again had sex during my fertile window this cycle. So I can't say that there is NO chance that I am pregnant. However, given that our prior 16 cycles of TTC, all with perfect timing, two with Clomid and hCG trigger, and one with IUI, have all resulted in BFNs, I would think that the chances of our conceiving on a break cycle and without medical assistance are likely pretty slim.

And yet. . . . now that the dogs are home and back to normal, I find myself analyzing my body and checking for clues that may indicate I am pregnant. I've been really tired: could it be because I'm pregnant? I'm having some lower abdominal cramps: it's probably implantation! My breasts were a little sore this morning in the shower; hmm, wonder if that means something?

The logical part of my brain--which is the larger part for me--says that these thoughts are crazy. But there is that small, illogical part which keeps grasping at straws.

I guess hope does indeed spring eternal.

9 comments:

  1. Isn't it hard to just "relax" even when you do know what cd you're on? How are we supposed to forget that after all this time? I've been ttc for 3.5 years and still haven't figured that part out.

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  2. Isn't the 2ww just torture sometimes? I really try not to get my hopes up, but I also analyze every little "sign" that might be something different than previous months...

    Good luck to you...you never know!

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  3. I know I always hate that time where you are trying to fit everything in and hoping that it means you are pregnant. It makes things even harder. I've been doing it every month for 9 years. It gets tiring but I still do it. Good luck!

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  4. Best of luck! I hope AF stays far far away!

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  5. Hey there! I recently found your blog. . . humm. . .can't exactly remember through whom! Someone giving an award, and mentioned something about attys sticking together :) I totally agree so thought I'd come over and check it out. . .

    I just wanted to wish you luck! Crazier things have happened ;)

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  6. Hope is the thing that gets us through. Hang on to it with both hands!

    ~ICLW

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  7. I agree - I think you have to have at least some hope! While I would feel the same way (in the chances are slim area), you really do never know what will happen. I think that's what makes it so hard - you have to be somewhat hopeful and optimistic, but there's also a difficult reality that you can't escape. And no matter what - you never know what will happen - good or bad.

    Good luck!

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  8. yes we all love that game. We all drive ourselves crazy because of it... but sometimes... it really is the miracle that we so much wait for. :)
    Let's hope you don't have to wait much longer for yours.
    good luck!

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  9. I just love to hear the word "hope" in your conversation my friend! Because I have hopes for you too.

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