Friday, January 25, 2013

No more babies

I feel foolish for even thinking this, more so for writing it. . . but it occurred to me yesterday that my sons are reaching--maybe have already reached?--a point where they are no longer babies but toddlers.  They now resemble little children much more than they resemble the little babies we brought home almost a year ago.

They are walking and attempting to communicate through signs and speech.  Their movements are (mostly) purposeful, and it's clear that they understand a lot of what is said to them.  They play with toys.  Although their faces and arms and legs and hands and feet still have that adorable baby chubbiness, they are becoming more childlike and less babyish all the time.

It makes me wonder whether I fully absorbed all of the baby goodness I could during that fleeting first year.  Did I spend enough time just holding them and drinking in their sweet scents and feeling their softness? Did I pay enough attention to the little baby noises that they made that I will remember them now that I will never hear them again?

I fear that I spent too much of the past year in survival mode and not enough time enjoying it.  And now it is gone, and I will never get to experience it again.

It makes sad to realize that, although AJ and MJ are still here, my babies are gone.  And for us, there will be no more babies.

5 comments:

  1. I bet you enjoyed it about as much was possible to. I went and had another after twins, thinking "this time I'll really ENJOY it" ... and coming out of baby and into toddlerhood it was still "that goes by so fast and is such an exhausting ride".

    Babies are nice, but as you start to discover who they are as independent PEOPLE, you form a much deeper and more lasting relationship with them. Lots more to look forward to - and someday sans poopy diapers and food being tossed on the floor!

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  2. It's hard to just stop and soak them in. I've been trying to, but I can't do it nearly enough. Time goes so fast and survival mode is in full force! Thinking of this makes me maybe want another baby someday busy to have one to be able to fully enjoy. Think of all the fun you have to look forward to!

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  3. It really hurts :( I had a daughter after my twins, and I still haven't gotten enough baby goodness. But, toddler goodness is still good, and OMG pre school boys are the CUTEST. They are so ADORABLE and sooooo loving. Three year old boys can't be beat! :) (four year old girls are troublesome, though, but I hear 5 year old girls are total sweetness).

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  4. I can only imagine. I have heard many a woman say that it goes by too quickly.

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  5. No more babies for me, either. I tried so so so hard to cement those moments and feelings and sights and smells into my brain. Not sure I did it. Can't imagine how much harder it might be to absorb it all - when just trying to keep your head above water with twins.

    I definitely miss my baby, but I do think my toddler is astonishing and wonderful on a daily basis! He is just so much fun! My goal is to absorb all of this stage as best I can, too! This time will be gone all too fast.

    xoxoxo

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