Be

I used to have time for writing year-end retrospectives.  I used to have time to contemplate New Year's resolutions, and perhaps even work on achieving those resolutions.  (Which is not to say that I often actually achieved them.  Ahem.)

Now I am a mother of twins who also works full-time outside the home in a demanding job.  I no longer have time for those things.

I think I am finally beginning to accept that many of the pursuits which occupied my time and attention before my sons' arrival simply can no longer do so.  There are a finite number of hours in each day, in each week, and we must choose how to spend them.

Alas, unlike with money, where there is often an opportunity for us to find a way to earn more, there is no way to make more time.  We can't go into debt.  We each get twenty-four hours in each day, and that's it.

My work requires that I devote to it a certain (large) chunk of my time.  Due to the nature of my current job, most of that time is non-negotiable and incapable of being reduced.  (Truly, there isn't even an incentive for me to be efficient at work.)  At this point, I have outsourced nearly all the household services which can reasonably be outsourced, taking into account practical and financial considerations.

So the non-work hours I have are all the "leisure" time I have.  Into that time I must fit my sons (first and foremost), my husband, the rest of my family members, our dog, my friends, myself, the miscellaneous tasks of daily living (like eating, sleeping, showering, laundry and the like), and "everything else."

For now, I choose to devote the majority of that time to being with my sons.  Seeing their growth and watching the seemingly daily changes in what they can do, hearing their laughter and their little voices, holding them in my arms. . . these things are far more important to me than reading the latest novel, keeping up with the latest celebrity gossip, having a perfectly clean and organized house, and yes (sorry, friends), posting here.

My intention for this year is to simply BE, insofar as that is possible.  Be in the moment, live my life, and enjoy it to the fullest.

Happy New Year to you.