Wednesday, October 5, 2011

19 weeks

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

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I wouldn't say I'm thankful for having had the experience of infertility. How could I be? I wouldn't wish that experience on an enemy, let alone on myself.  At the same time, though, I am thankful for the perspective it's given me.

This morning I was perusing my "due date club" on an internet site geared toward moms and expectant moms and came across a post from someone talking about her "extreme disappointment" at learning that her second child is going to be "another" boy. She talked about how she felt "broken hearted and like God hates [her]" and on and on in this vein.

(BTW, it's worth noting that the poster's pregnancy was unplanned; she says she and her boyfriend conceived while she was on birth control.)

I have dreamed for years of having a daughter, but if both these babies I'm currently carrying turn out to be boys, I will still be thrilled if we have two healthy children.  I can understand a minor, temporary disappointment at not getting what you wanted, but crying "hysterically for 20 minutes"?  Questioning whether I "deserve happiness"?  Not going to hear anything like that here.

Yes, perspective is a good thing.

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Total Weight Loss/Gain:  I have now regained about 4 of the 9 lbs I initially lost. Overall change in weight: -5 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: I am wearing more and more maternity pants, though I can still wear some of my usual pants with the Bella Band.  Still wearing my usual shirts (though obviously not all of them).  One upside of being a plus-size woman: most of my regular clothes aren't very form-fitting, and blousy, tunic-type tops have been in style for a while.

Stretch marks: I've had stretch marks for years from growth spurts and weight gain. I don't have any new ones related to pregnancy yet.

Sleep: OK.  Getting up a couple of times a night to pee pretty consistently now.

Movement:  I've had that fluttering feeling in my lower abdomen several more times since last week.  I figure it must be the babies, based on the location and the difference between that feeling and anything I've felt before.

Cravings/Aversions: The only foods I'm "craving" are the things I can't have, like deli turkey sandwiches and sushi. Still not crazy about some cooked vegetables or dishes with sauces, but overall, I'd say my aversions are getting fewer.

Gender: We hope to find out on Friday!

Symptoms: Still some nausea, though I'm having more good days than bad days with that now. Occasional heartburn and bloating, but again, not as bad. Sore, darker nipples. I'm still having the pulling sensations across my abdomen which were new as of last week and an occasional sharp pain near my hip bones which I think is round ligament pain.

What I miss: Having a normal energy level, being able to eat anything I want.

What I look forward to: Anatomy scan on 10/7. Actually looking consistently pregnant instead of just fat (though I do think I'm showing more this week). MM being able to feel the babies' movement.

Moods: Generally good.

Milestones: I've read that the babies may be able to hear now.

Medical concerns: None so far.

Sex?: Eh.

Misc: Finally going to empty out the home-office-soon-to-be-nursery this Saturday.  Once that's done, I'll be able to order the crib and changing table and other baby stuff.  Not looking forward to the process but definitely looking forward to the end result.

6 comments:

  1. Ugh, that is an annoying (to say the least) complaint to encounter, it makes me kind-of sick. I am glad you are starting to feel better. Two more days to you know who is in there!! So exciting.

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  2. Congrats! Yeah, I don't know how someone could be disappointed about bringing another life into the world just because he's not the sex she wanted. I hope she gets over it 'cause it sounds like she could cause that poor boy some serious emotional damage down the road.

    I was nervous about the possibility of having two boys but I wouldn't gotten over it in a hurry. Babies are pure love no matter blue or pink.

    How exciting about your anatomy scan. I'm 4 days ahead of you but I'm not having mine until the 13th since my peri is so busy. I'm so excited to see them!

    As for the nutritionist, she helped me a lot. The reflux, bloating and gas were making me miserable and I was losing weight in my second tri which is not good. But she broke down every meal and snack for me and I'm gaining weight now. I make myself eat when I'm not hungry but I know I'm doing it for a good cause!

    Anyway, have a good week. 20 is just around the corner and it's something about starting a new decade that gets me excited!

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  3. I'm so excited for you and your twins! Have fun on Friday.

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  4. I am so excited to hear about the anatomy scan and to find out what your two little munchkins are!!!

    I have a "friend" that tried for almost as long as us (almost 4 years)and found out a few weeks ago she was having a girl. She always wanted a boy and had never thought she would have anything else. She said she cried for 2 days! I thought it was so selfish of her to be that upset. Here she is finally blessed to be carrying a child and she's completely distraught that she cried and couldn't leave the house for 2 days because she's having a girl. So silly!

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  5. I agree that although infertility STINKS it does give you a different perspective both when pregnant and after the babies arrive.... you don't take any of it for granted even for a moment.

    I will check Friday for your update! :)

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  6. I've known so many couples who were devastated that they weren't having a girl. My brother was so disappointed, it took him a good year to bond with my nephew. It just broke my heart. If there's a silver lining to IF, it's the increased appreciation we have for the whole experience if we're lucky enough to have it happen.
    iamstacey.wordpress.com

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