Gah, is there anything worse than the 2ww?! Even when I can hold back from over-analyzing for every imaginable potential early pregnancy symptom by reminding myself that anything I'm experiencing could just as easily be a side effect of prog.estero.ne gel, I hate having to "act as if" I'm pregnant two weeks out of every month. . . . even though I know there's an 85-90% chance I'm not.
A few examples: I can't take the daily herbal supplement I usually take to reduce the frequency and severity of my migraines. If (or should I say "when") I do get a migraine, I can't take my prescription migraine medication or even take Ad.vil to treat it. Just in the past four days alone, I have had two migraines and inwardly cursed the fact that I cannot rely on my usual remedies during this time of my cycle and instead had to suffer (even missing a day of work).
I can't get in the hot tub. Or do anything that might get me overheated. (I live in Phoenix, people. That includes just about any outdoor activity here for at least half the year.)
I can't drink alcohol (not that I do anyway, because of my migraines, but I could, if I weren't being extra-careful). Or eat sushi. Or deli meat. Or lox on my bagel. Or soft cheeses.
And all of this deprivation for what? Oh yes, for the 10-15% chance that I might actually be pregnant. Ppppfffffttt.
I would gladly give up all these things for nine months were I *actually* pregnant. It would be worth a migraine every day (almost) to finally have a child of our own. But it's tough giving them up "just in case," especially after TTC for over two years.
I really am trying to be Zen. I have worked hard on letting go of my attachment to the outcome of my cycle. Truth be told, though there is always a little glimmer of hope, I am more likely to conclude (logically) that I am NOT pregnant as I write this.
I'm finding that logic only makes these required sacrifices less tolerable.
While I wait and "act as if" I'm pregnant, the pregnancy and birth announcements keep coming. I found out over the weekend that another law school classmate of mine had a baby in the past couple of weeks, her second, a boy this time. She already has a 17-month-old daughter. I didn't even know she was pregnant. Another friend from my hometown,is apparently pregnant with her second, based on her cute-sy Fac.ebo.ok status update a few minutes ago ("Our little girl is just a-kickin for all she's worth!").
Wonder if they had to go through this? Given that each of these women already has a child under age 2 and now a newborn/new pregnancy, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that conception came relatively easy for each of them.
OK, just to end this post on a less complaining note, I want to share a funny statement from a friend's husband yesterday.
Yesterday I visited a friend in Tucson who used to be my neighbor and then roommate during law school and a little beyond. (We lived next door to one another for a year-and-a-half and lived together for two years.) I last visited this friend back in February, coincidentally, just hours before she delivered her infant son 4 weeks early. The baby boy was born doing just fine, though a little small, and his only "issue" has been colic (which happens with lots of full-term babies, too).
As my friend and her husband discussed the adjustment of becoming new parents, I asked her husband if parenthood is "everything [he] dreamed it would be." His response? (Which was delivered with a smile.)
"Well, if some of the dreams you're talking about were nightmares where someone deprived me of sleep and tortured me. . . . then yes."
OK, even if you don't find his statement funny, you've got to love his honesty. I know they are thrilled with their son, but sleep deprivation and colic are hard and probably not what anyone dreams of when they dream of parenthood.
A few examples: I can't take the daily herbal supplement I usually take to reduce the frequency and severity of my migraines. If (or should I say "when") I do get a migraine, I can't take my prescription migraine medication or even take Ad.vil to treat it. Just in the past four days alone, I have had two migraines and inwardly cursed the fact that I cannot rely on my usual remedies during this time of my cycle and instead had to suffer (even missing a day of work).
I can't get in the hot tub. Or do anything that might get me overheated. (I live in Phoenix, people. That includes just about any outdoor activity here for at least half the year.)
I can't drink alcohol (not that I do anyway, because of my migraines, but I could, if I weren't being extra-careful). Or eat sushi. Or deli meat. Or lox on my bagel. Or soft cheeses.
And all of this deprivation for what? Oh yes, for the 10-15% chance that I might actually be pregnant. Ppppfffffttt.
I would gladly give up all these things for nine months were I *actually* pregnant. It would be worth a migraine every day (almost) to finally have a child of our own. But it's tough giving them up "just in case," especially after TTC for over two years.
I really am trying to be Zen. I have worked hard on letting go of my attachment to the outcome of my cycle. Truth be told, though there is always a little glimmer of hope, I am more likely to conclude (logically) that I am NOT pregnant as I write this.
I'm finding that logic only makes these required sacrifices less tolerable.
While I wait and "act as if" I'm pregnant, the pregnancy and birth announcements keep coming. I found out over the weekend that another law school classmate of mine had a baby in the past couple of weeks, her second, a boy this time. She already has a 17-month-old daughter. I didn't even know she was pregnant. Another friend from my hometown,
Wonder if they had to go through this? Given that each of these women already has a child under age 2 and now a newborn/new pregnancy, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that conception came relatively easy for each of them.
OK, just to end this post on a less complaining note, I want to share a funny statement from a friend's husband yesterday.
Yesterday I visited a friend in Tucson who used to be my neighbor and then roommate during law school and a little beyond. (We lived next door to one another for a year-and-a-half and lived together for two years.) I last visited this friend back in February, coincidentally, just hours before she delivered her infant son 4 weeks early. The baby boy was born doing just fine, though a little small, and his only "issue" has been colic (which happens with lots of full-term babies, too).
As my friend and her husband discussed the adjustment of becoming new parents, I asked her husband if parenthood is "everything [he] dreamed it would be." His response? (Which was delivered with a smile.)
"Well, if some of the dreams you're talking about were nightmares where someone deprived me of sleep and tortured me. . . . then yes."
OK, even if you don't find his statement funny, you've got to love his honesty. I know they are thrilled with their son, but sleep deprivation and colic are hard and probably not what anyone dreams of when they dream of parenthood.
i gave up on most of those precautions...
ReplyDeleteok, i cut back on caffeine (but not cut it out). i only take tylenol and tylenol pm. but i eat whatever i want before and after ovulation. i'm not drinking because it doesn't mix well with my meds. i just can't justify all that anymore.
but i know that we have to do what prevents regret! it will all be worth it when you see that bfp. (fingers crossed the odds shake out on your side this time.)
xoxo
I found after 3 years of TTC that I got more and more lax during the 2WW. I hope this is the real thing for you this time and that your sacrifices will be worth it!
ReplyDeleteNo, there is absolutely nothing worse than the 2WW. And I have to say, I am a HORRIBLE TTC. I don't give up anything I'm supposed to. I still have an occasional glass of red wine. I still drink my occasional morning coffee. I ate sushi on Friday night (none with raw fish, though). And I still each lunch meat. When I see that positive pee stick, I'll give it all up. But until then, I'm guilty as charged in keeping with my routine. Honestly? It's the only thing that keeps me sane.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, girl! I know it's hard. I was complaining to my mom over the weekend about the fact that relatives keep "reassuring" me by bringing up my cousin who got pregnant while waiting for her adopted son to be born. It annoys me, because she was not infertile to begin with, just a little "older".
ReplyDeleteI'm with Katie. As more and more months go by it gets to seem ridiculous to alter my usual routine for fully half my life every month. It starts to feel like theatre--you know, if I do what I'm supposed to do maybe I can pretend I'm pregnant.
ReplyDeleteSo I don't do it anymore. I drink coffee and wine. I never eat deli meats and soft cheeses anyway, but if I did I wouldn't stop during the 2ww. After so much time it has just started to feel a little absurd.
But then I'm angry and bitter, so you shouldn't necessarily take my comments as any kind of advice.